


beneath the shining stars

by dehydratedpool



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Ending (Happy Ending), Angst, Bottom Louis Tomlinson, Dark Humor, Everybody Dies (because it's shakespeare), Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lowkey Stupid, M/M, Referenced Marijuana Usage, Sad Ending, Screenplay/Script Format, Sexual Humor, Slight Misogyny (because of the time period), Smut, You'll see what I mean, established relationship (kinda), ongoing jokes, read authors notes, see notes for full warnings!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dehydratedpool/pseuds/dehydratedpool
Summary: A Hamlet retelling/AU on steroids, where Harry is Hamlet, Louis is Horatio, and comedic chaos ensues (with a dash of tragedy). Featuring the rest of OT5 and the original characters of Shakespeare's "Hamlet".[alternate ending added. see author’s notes]
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. beneath the shining stars

**Author's Note:**

> hello! I'll try to make this short; this is my first time writing in a "script" format, so I hope I do it justice! I would like to formally apologize to Shakespeare and any of his died-hard fans, because this is definitely /not/ canon to the original story. (I mean, Hamlet and Horatio never "get it on" so there's that). But for the most part, the story follows the main plot of the OG Hamlet. I've changed up some characters (just a smidge), and Zayn, Niall and Liam are more involved than their original characters ever were. I've beta'd this myself so hopefully there's not too many mistakes or errors. ALSO: although I slightly altered a few of the remaining original characters, i would like to point out that historically, women weren't dumb! but the men who wrote about them made them seem that way! none of the thoughts or beliefs of any of the characters reflect my own!
> 
> Everything is fictional, never happened, I claim absolutely no characters, OT5 never did this, etc.
> 
> NOTE: You do NOT have to know or have read the original story of Hamlet to read this. It's literally the entire play rewritten for larry. However, if you've never read Hamlet before, I 100% would NOT use this as a good reference.
> 
> *** If you don’t want to read the MCD, there is an alternate ending. It starts at Act V, Scene III. When you get to that point, either click on the link [alternate ending] OR go to the chapter titled “Alternate Ending” and continue reading from there. ***
> 
> one more thing: some of the original scenes were either abbreviated or cut out and explained in another scene. one of these scenes is where it's revealed that [SPOILER] has become "insane". I actually rewrote that scene a few times but I couldn't bring myself to make it humorous because... it's really not, ya know? so it's just not included but [SPOILER]'s "insanity" is discussed.
> 
> extra tags:  
> harry is kinda rude (sort of), niall knows modern things (is he a time traveler? who knows?), it gets kinda ridiculous, anal sex, barebacking (because condoms didn't exist yet), rimming, anal fingering, chaos, mentions of insanity, someone commits suicide but it's NOT written about (only discussed)
> 
> if you enjoyed this, please let me know and remember to leave a kudos!
> 
> \--zri <3

_ DRAMATIS PERSONAE _

_ CLAUDIUS (KING), King of Denmark _

_ HARRY (aka Hamlet), son of the late King, nephew to the present King _

_ POLONIUS, lord chamberlain _

_ LOUIS (aka Horatio), friend and lover to Harry _

_ LAERTES, son to Polonius _

_ CORNELIUS, _

_ VOLTEMAND, _

_ ROSENCRANTZ, _

_ GUILDENSTERN, _

_ SIMON COWELL (aka Osric), all courtiers _

_ A GENTLEMEN _

_ A PRIEST _

_ NIALL (aka Marcellus) _

_ ZAYN (aka Bernardo), both officers and friends to Harry _

_ LIAM (aka Francisco), a soldier and friend to Harry _

_ PLAYERS, actors  _

_ TWO GRAVEDIGGERS, _

_ FORTINBRAS, Prince of Norway _

_ A CAPTAIN _

_ ENGLISH AMBASSADORS _

_ GERTRUDE (QUEEN), Queen of Denmark, and mother to Harry _

_ OPHELIA, daughter to Polonius _

_ LORDS, LADIES, OFFICERS, SOLDIERS, SAILORS, MESSENGERS, and other attendants. _

_ GHOST of Harry’s father _

**_SETTING_ ** _ \-- Denmark, circa 17th century. Elsinore. _

ACT I. SCENE I.

_ A platform before the castle. _

_ LIAM at his post. Enter to him ZAYN. _

**ZAYN** : Who’s there?

**LIAM** : Uh, no. You answer first…

**ZAYN** : Long live the King!

**LIAM** : Weird response, but okay.

**ZAYN** : Dude, it’s me, Zayn.

**LIAM** : _ [realization] _ Zayn! Yeah, that checks out.

**ZAYN** :  _ [exasperated] _ Hi, Liam.

**LIAM** : You’re a bit early.

**ZAYN** : I am not; it’s 12 exactly, you can go to bed.

**LIAM** : Thanks, it’s freezing out here and I’m so lonely, so sad.

**ZAYN** : I know.

**LIAM** : _ [frowning] _ So lonely.

**ZAYN** : I know, bud.

**LIAM** : It’s been quiet though.

**ZAYN** : That’s nice  _ [a beat] _ have a good night. Niall should be here soon to accompany me.

**LIAM** : _ [overly excited] _ Oh, lovely! I think I hear him now!

_ Enter LOUIS and NIALL. _

**LOUIS** : ‘Tis I, the true star of this scene.

**LIAM** : Good evening, gentlemen. 

**NIALL** : Howdy.

**LOUIS** : Who’s relieving you?

**LIAM** : Zayn, the good lad. I wish you all a goodnight.

_ Exit LIAM. _

**NIALL** : Zayn! A pleasure.

**ZAYN** : Is Louis with you?

**LOUIS** : Define “here.”

**ZAYN** :  _ [sees him, kind]  _ Hello to you both.

**NIALL** : Has anything occurred thus far?

**ZAYN** :  _ [deadpan] _ I’ve been here for like, two seconds, Niall.

**NIALL** :  _ [dismisses it] _ I hope we see that weird ghost again tonight. I’ve brought Louis along for that reason; he’s skeptical of such things. Perhaps we can speak to it. Like they do on  _ Ghost Hunters _ .

**ZAYN** : There are ghost hunters?

**LOUIS** :  _ [mocking] _ Shush, both of you, ‘twill not appear!

**ZAYN** : You mock us, but stay a moment, let me tell you what horrible thing we’ve seen two nights in a row.

**NIALL** : Yes, do tell him.

**ZAYN** : So like, last night, just as the time struck one in the early morning—

**NIALL** : Shut up, I think I see something!

_ Enter GHOST. _

**ZAYN** : That lowkey looks like the late King, now that I’m seeing it more clearly.

**NIALL** : Dude, you’re right. Louis, you’re educated, say something to it.

**ZAYN** : Yeah, dude, say like, ‘We come in peace’, or something smart like that.

**LOUIS** :  _ [hesitant] _ I am fearful… yet intrigued.

**ZAYN** : Just say something, anything.

**NIALL** :  _ [encouraging] _ Go on, lad! You’ve got this!

**LOUIS** :  _ [more confident] _ Right.  _ [louder] _ You there! Spirit with a terrible fashion sense! By God, speak!

**NIALL** :  _ [frowning] _ You’ve offended him. He’s sulking, look at that frown. Poor guy can’t even dress well in the afterlife.

**ZAYN** : It. It’s an  _ it _ .

**NIALL** : He’s clearly the late King, you said so yourself.

**ZAYN** : It’s a ghost, Niall.

**NIALL** : Ghosts have feelings too. #GhostsDeserveLoveToo

**ZAYN** : Look! It sulks away!

**LOUIS** : No, wait! Please, stop!

_ Exit GHOST _ .

**NIALL** : This has happened three times now, it can’t be our imagination.

**ZAYN** : I  _ did  _ just smoke a fat bowl before I got here.

**LOUIS** : I have a feeling this won’t be good for Denmark.

**NIALL** : Speaking of Denmark, why have things become so shitty? Why are we working such terrible hours, why are ship builders so occupied with work they can’t even rest on Sunday? Is something about to happen? Who can explain this to me?

**LOUIS** : I can. Or, at least, I think I can. The late King’s rival was the King of Norway, Fortinbras. Our dear King fought him on the battlefield and slain him, and through some boring legal stuff they surrendered their lands to us. But now, Fortinbras is vengeful and has rebels outside our borders to take back their lands.

**ZAYN** :  _ [teasing] _ Is that the kind of pillowtalk you have with Harry?

**NIALL** : Hold up, I thought the King had slain Fortinbras? How can Fortinbras do such a thing?

**LOUIS** : Fortinbras has a son, also named Fortinbras.

**NIALL** :  _ [scoffs]  _ Well that’s stupid.

**ZAYN** : Dude,  _ Harry  _ is named after the late King.

**NIALL** : Bro, no way?

**ZAYN** :  _ [muttered] _ I thought I was the high one.

**LOUIS** : Anyway… that’s as much as I understand for now.

**ZAYN** : I think you’re right, it makes sense why the late King haunts us now, he’s the one who started all of this.

**LOUIS** : I think it’s safe to worry. In times of the Roman Empire, just before Julius Caesar was assassinated, corpses rose from the ground and ran around the cities screaming gibberish. This must mean something.

**NIALL** : That sounds highly fictitious.

**ZAYN** : Fake news.

**NIALL** : True right.

**LOUIS** : Guys, I’m serious!  
_Enter GHOST again._ _  
_ Oh shit, you’re back! Please, if you possess such an ability, speak to us! If I can do anything of service, let me know! If you have any knowledge on the state of our sad country, say something! We may be able to avoid it if you only speak.

**ZAYN** : Maybe he’s got some buried treasure somewhere. That can make ghosts restless.

**NIALL** : What?

**ZAYN** : I don’t know, I’m high as a kite right now.

_ A rooster crows. _

**LOUIS** : Niall, with haste, get it to stay.

**NIALL** : How the fuck do I stop a ghost?  _ [joking] _ Shall I stab it with my sword?

**LOUIS** : If it’ll work, yeah.

**NIALL** : Bro… it’s a ghost.

**ZAYN** :  _ [points] _ ‘Tis here!

**LOUIS** :  _ [points] _ No, ‘tis here!

_ Exit GHOST _ .

**NIALL** :  _ [defeated] _ ‘Tis gone, ‘tis what ‘tis is. I was going to ask him about how Shakespeare is doing.

**ZAYN** : Who’s Shakespeare?

**NIALL** : Ignore that.

**ZAYN** : I believe it was about to say something when the cock crew.

**NIALL** : Haha, cock.

_ ZAYN slaps NIALL on the shoulder. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [inquisitive] _ Yeah… and then it became startled, as if guilty. Odd. I’ve heard that roosters have the ability to scare ghosts away, and it’s been proven this night.

**NIALL** : I can fact check that; some people say before Christmas a rooster crows all night long so that unholy things, like Girl Scouts, leave us be.

**LOUIS** : Yes, I’ve heard that before.

**ZAYN** : What’s a “girl scout”?

**LOUIS** :  _ [looking away]  _ Look, morning is breaking beyond the horizon. I think it best to end our watch to let Harry know of all of this, out of duty and love. We owe it to him.

**ZAYN** : Oh, so y’all are using the ‘L’ word now?

**NIALL** : I love that show.

**ZAYN & LOUIS** : Huh?

**NIALL** : Let’s go find him. I know where he’ll be.

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT I. SCENE II.   
_ A room of state in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING (Claudius), the QUEEN (Gertrude), HARRY, POLONIUS, LAERTES, OPHELIA, and attendants. _

**KING** : Okay, we get it, the wound is still fresh, but life goes on, guys. You can mourn the late King, that’s cool, but let’s think about me too, and  _ my _ wellbeing. Which is why I have married my sister-in-law, with mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. Mostly happiness.

**QUEEN** : Hi.

**KING** : Anyway, down to business. Fortinbras must think me stupid or that the country has turned to shit… which it has _not_ , so stop saying that. He seriously thinks I’ll surrender the territory _his_ father lost to my brother. Ludicrous.   
_Enter VOLTEMAND and CORNELIUS._  
I’ve written to Fortinbras’ uncle, a true dumbass if you ask me. Anyway, I’ve asked him to stop his nephew’s plans, which he has the power to do since he’s the present head of Norway right now, which you all know, but I have to explain this for the plot. Voltemand and Cornelius will deliver the letter for me and keep their business in Norway.  
_The KING gives VOLTEMAND and CORNELIUS the letter._ _  
_ Shoo, shoo. Off with you. Go, do it, now.

**VOLTEMAND & CORNELIUS** : Ight.

**KING** : I said shoo.  
_Exit VOLTEMAND and CORNELIUS._ _  
_ Now, Laertes, what is it you wish to speak with me about? Every second you spend talking to me, the King of Denmark, is a blessed moment. Come on, speak.

**LAERTES** : Please let me go back to France. I only came for the coronation, to be honest.

**KING** : If your father is cool with it, sure.

**POLONIUS** :  _ [exhausted]  _ He has cried every night into his pillow wishing to return. Please let him leave, I’ve had a migraine for the past month solely because of him.

**OPHELIA** : I second that. I witnessed the sobbing myself, sir.

**KING** : Ight. You can go.

_ LAERTES fist bumps the air. _

**LAERTES** : Yes!

**POLONIUS** : Thank God.

_ The KING is proud of himself for doing the bare minimum, patting himself on the back. Exit LAERTES, POLONIUS and OPHELIA. _

**KING** : Now, to Harry, my nephew  _ and _ my son—

**HARRY** :  _ [to himself] _ Yeah, that’s still weird.

**KING** : —why are you still so upset? Get a grip, son.

**HARRY** :  _ [sarcastic] _ Not so, my lord. I am too much i’ the sun.

**QUEEN** : Harry, my dear, be kind. And stop wearing these black clothes, you cannot mourn forever. What lives dies at some point, such is life.

**HARRY** : I know, it’s common.

**QUEEN** : So why do you seem so upset still?

**HARRY** : Uh, because my father is dead? Your husband is gone? Do not shame me for my grief. I will continue to weep, to sulk in my stride, for my pain is never ending, my soul is forever weeping. My black clothes are simply a hint of what is going on within my heart.

**KING** :  _ [holding in laughter] _ Well that was  _ super _ unmanly. 

**HARRY** :  _ [insulted] _ What say you?

**KING** : Look, son—can I call you son? 

**HARRY** : No.

**KING** : Son, this is how life works. Everyone’s loved ones die. But we move on, we get past it. Overdoing it is simply stubborn and quite frankly a bit annoying. It’s not manly, either. Please give it up already, I’m gaining the same migraine poor Polonius has developed. Start thinking of me as your new father, hmm? 

**HARRY** : You’re literally my uncle. It’s weird.

**KING** : Oh, and you’re not going back to university in Wittenberg. You’ll stay here as my number-one in court, as my nephew—

**HARRY** : Please don’t say it—

**KING** : —and as my son.

**HARRY** : God damn it.

**QUEEN** : Please, my dear, stay with us.

_ Silence for several moments. HARRY releases a heavy sigh. _

**HARRY** : Alright, mother.

**KING** : Yay! Let’s go drink some wine and toast to Harry’s decision. Play some trumpets as we exit.

_ Trumpets play. Exit EVERYONE but HARRY. _

**HARRY** : Kinda wanna die constantly, but at least I’ve got the love of Louis in my life. I would be an unkempt garden if it weren’t for Louis, who takes care of the weeds and waters the flowers so that they bloom. Not as bright, but they live, with struggle, with pain, but they suffice. My father has only been dead for two months, an incredible king who more than overshadows my sick uncle. My mother has settled for a man who probably doesn’t wash his own backside. Sickening. Cried for approximately three seconds at the funeral then turned around and married my uncle, which is lowkey incest, I think? Like, what the fuck, mother. No good will come of this, I know it. At least Louis is always willing to listen, to let me share my feelings and my heartache.

_ Enter LOUIS, NIALL, and ZAYN. _

**LOUIS** : Good morning, Harry.

_ They share a quick kiss. HARRY holds him from behind, his chin resting on LOUIS’ shoulder. _

**HARRY** : Good morning, my  _ lysende stjerne _ . I was just thinking of you.

**NIALL** : Were you doing that thing where you stare at a wall for five minutes straight and talk in fragmented sentences?

**LOUIS** : A soliloquy?

**NIALL** : Yeah, that.

**HARRY** : Hello to you too, Niall.  _ [to ZAYN] _ Ah, Zayn! Good morning. We’ve got everyone I care to talk to in the same room, aside from Liam. 

**ZAYN** : Good morning, sir.

**LOUIS** :  _ [careful, to HARRY]  _ How have you been holding up? I haven’t seen you in a few days.

**HARRY** : I know, and I apologize… I’ve been… I’m not sure. I see my father, sometimes.

**NIALL** : Funny you say that—

_ ZAYN elbows NIALL. _

**LOUIS** : Where?

**HARRY** :  _ [sulking] _ In my head. My imagination. I long for him that much.

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ I met him several times before. He was a wonderful king.

**HARRY** : Not only was he a great king, he was a great human being. I’ll never meet anyone like him again. But you, Louis, are a close second.

**NIALL** : Can’t tell if that was a backhanded compliment or not.

**LOUIS** : Eh, I’ll take it.

**HARRY** : So… what brings you all here this morning?

**LOUIS** :  _ [hesitant]  _ I think we saw your father last night.

**HARRY** :  _ [on the verge of tears]  _ I beg you, do not make fun of me, not you,  _ min elskede _ . I’ll take it from anyone else, I’d take it from God, but not you.

**ZAYN** : Damn, that’s a  _ bit _ dramatic.

**LOUIS** : I promise, sunshine, I’m not. After midnight and for the past two days, Niall and Zayn saw a …  _ thing _ that looked exactly like the late King, with full armor and everything. I saw the same thing last night after Niall convinced me to go with him to his post. I was skeptical, but it’s… I believe it’s the ghost of your father, H.

**HARRY** :  _ [furrowed eyebrows]  _ Where did this happen?

**NIALL** : On the platform.

**HARRY** : You didn’t talk to it, see what it wants?

**ZAYN** : See, Niall.  _ It _ .

**NIALL** : I can’t stand you. I will bite my fucking thumb at you.

**ZAYN** : You wouldn’t  _ dare _ .

**LOUIS** : Well, I tried to, but he wouldn’t answer. And then a cock crew, and the ghost vanished into thin air.

**NIALL** : Haha, cock.

**HARRY** :  _ [thoughtful]  _ That’s … odd.

**LOUIS** : I swear on my life it’s true. And… I believed you should know about it.

**HARRY** : Thank you.   
_LOUIS turns in his arms. HARRY kisses him once more, hands on either side of his face. HARRY looks back up at NIALL and ZAYN._ _  
_ Are you both on duty again tonight?

**ZAYN & NIALL** : Yuh.

**HARRY** : Was the ghost armed?

**ZAYN & NIALL** : Yuh.

**HARRY** : From head to toe?

**ZAYN & NIALL** : Yuh.

**HARRY** : His face was covered then?

**LOUIS** : No, actually, it was visible.

**HARRY** : Was he … okay?

**LOUIS** : He seemed … sad. Bits of anger, but mostly sad. Stared at us the entire time though, super creepy.

**NIALL** : Totes creeps.

**HARRY** :  _ [sulking]  _ I wish I’d been there. To see him one last time.

**LOUIS** : I don’t know about that,  _ min elskede _ , it was a bit terrifying.

**HARRY** : How long did he stay around?

**NIALL** : Long enough to play a round of ‘Among Us’, sir.

**ZAYN** :  _ [to NIALL]  _ Dude, did you smoke some of my bud or what? I don’t mind if you did, but at least ask first.

**HARRY** : I’d like to accompany you all tonight, if that’s alright. Maybe he’ll come by again.

**LOUIS** : I’m sure he will, darling.

**HARRY** : If it’s my father, or at least looks like him, I’ll speak to him no matter the consequences, I must.

**LOUIS** : Are you sure?

**HARRY** : I must, for my own well-being, so I can sleep better at night.

**ZAYN** : You should smoke some indica if you’re having trouble with sleep, my guy.

**HARRY** : Can we all keep this a secret, by the way? This sounds … not sane. I’d like to keep it between us.

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY** : Of course.

**HARRY** : Great. I’ll see you all tonight.  
_Exit ZAYN and NIALL._ _  
_ My love, what keeps you in place?

**LOUIS** : I’d like to know something.

**HARRY** : Anything you’d like to know, you may ask. You know that.

**LOUIS** : Will you be seeing Ophelia today?

**HARRY** : Yes.

**LOUIS** :  _ [dejected] _ Oh.

**HARRY** :  _ [frowning] _ What?

**LOUIS** : I was hoping you’d be free… it’s been a while, since…

**HARRY** : Oh… I…

**LOUIS** : Yeah.

**HARRY** :  _ Undskyld _ , I’m sorry—

**LOUIS** : No, no, it’s fine.   
_They kiss quickly._ _  
_ No problem. Just, think about me a bit more, yes?

_ HARRY nods vigorously, kissing LOUIS all over his face. LOUIS giggles. _

**HARRY** : Although you fill my thoughts constantly, I shall rid of any others that cannot be categorized under your name. 

**LOUIS** : Thank you. I love you.

**HARRY** : I would walk barefoot across broken glass through a desert for you.

**LOUIS** : That’s …  _ a lot _ but I appreciate the sentiment.

_ They kiss once more. _

**HARRY** : See you tonight.

**LOUIS** :  _ [repeats] Vi ses i aften _ .

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT I. SCENE III.   
_ A room in POLONIUS’ house. _ _  
_ _ Enter LAERTES and OPHELIA. _

**LAERTES** : My ship is about to head off for France, dear sister. I do hope you write to me.

**OPHELIA** : Why wouldn’t I?

**LAERTES** : ‘Cause Harry takes up all your time now. He’s a young, stupid boy; he simply wants to get laid.

**OPHELIA** : Okay…?

**LAERTES** : Perhaps he loves you now, but it won’t last. As a young man myself I know what happens in the mind of a boy. And besides, he’s the prince, it’s not like it’ll go anywhere, not in the way you intend.

**OPHELIA** : Do you think of me as stupid, Lae?

**LAERTES** :  _ [startled]  _ No! I’m simply warning you. You are stunning, even in daylight, and it makes you a target to lurking men looking for a quick lay, to take your treasure chest.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [unamused]  _ Did you just call my virginity a treasure chest?

**LAERTES** : I’m asking you to be careful, Ophelia.

**OPHELIA** : As if you don’t go out to the pubs almost every night. I beseech you, don’t preach at me like an ungracious pastor.

**LAERTES** : Low blow, but please don’t tell father of that.

**OPHELIA** : I won’t if you don’t give me a reason to.

**LAERTES** :  _ [awkward]  _ Oh, would you look at the time! I should go.

**OPHELIA** : That you should. 

**LAERTES** : I think I hear father, perhaps he will bless me with his goodbye once more?

_ Enter POLONIUS. _

**POLONIUS** :  _ [annoyed] _ My God, why are you still here? I’ve blessed you with my goodbyes already, go!

**LAERTES** : Ight, later. Lia, remember what I’ve told you.

**OPHELIA** : Of course, Lae. My character’s personality is so one dimensional, as is a flaw of the time, I depend on male authority.

**LAERTES** : Facts. Farewell.

_ Exit LAERTES _ .

**POLONIUS** : What’d he tell you?

**OPHELIA** : Just to be careful about Harry. How young men’s lust is fervent and true, and that it is no different for Prince Harry.

**POLONIUS** : I have heard some things… I thought he was gay?

**OPHELIA** : Why does that matter?

**POLONIUS** : ...because you’re a woman?

**OPHELIA** :  _ [deadpan] _ Bisexuals exist, Dad.

**POLONIUS** : That’s not a thing.

**OPHELIA** : It most certainly is.

**POLONIUS** : Is not.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [exasperated]  _ Dad.

**POLONIUS** : Your brother is right, though. If Harry is truly vying for your affection, proceed with caution. I have heard of rumors about you two spending time together, and I wonder if you’re not conducting yourself with self-restraint a daughter of mine should have.

**OPHELIA** : I fancy him, Father. Is that so bad?

**POLONIUS** : His intentions are sinful, Ophelia. Do you believe what he tells you?

**OPHELIA** : I dunno. He seems legit.

**POLONIUS** : Then I’ll say this: you’re practically an infant in the way you think the world works. Respect yourself more, as I’ve already become an embarrassment because of it. Listen to me, and you’ll be just fine. Let us make an exit.

**OPHELIA** : Of course, Father.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT I. SCENE IV.   
_ The platform before the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter HARRY, LOUIS, NIALL, and ZAYN. _ _  
_ _ HARRY holds a shivering LOUIS from behind, hands rubbing over his arms as they stand in front of the platform.  _

**HARRY** : It’s freezing out here.   
_HARRY leans over to speak in LOUIS’ ear._ _  
_ Are you alright?

**LOUIS** :  _ [blushing]  _ I’m fine, with you holding me tight.

**ZAYN** : Ew. Love.

**HARRY** : What’s the hour?

**LOUIS** : A little before midnight, I think.

**NIALL** : No, it’s after midnight. I heard the bell ring.

**ZAYN** : So it’s midnight. 

**NIALL** : No, it’s  _ after _ midnight.

**ZAYN** : Does it seriously matter how long before or after midnight it is? It’s midnight.

_ A flourish of trumpets sound. Two cannon shots fire. _

**LOUIS** : What was that?

**HARRY** : The King is staying up to party with my mother and some others. When he finishes a glass, the band plays triumphantly.

**NIALL** : The fuck? 

**LOUIS** : Is that tradition?

**HARRY** : Yes, but one I do not intend to continue. Other countries hate us for it, it’s honestly embarrassing. They call us drunks and think us rude.

**NIALL** : Sad.

_ Enter GHOST. _

**LOUIS** : It’s back!

**ZAYN & NIALL** : Shit!

**HARRY** : Oh please, God, anyone, protect us!

**ZAYN** :  _ [eyes wide] _ Say something, H!

**HARRY** :  _ [polite]  _ Mr. Ghost, sir? May I speak with you? I’d like to speak to you.

**NIALL** :  _ [cackling through fear]  _ “Mr. Ghost”.

**HARRY** :  _ [more demanding]  _ Why torment us humans like this with your supernatural horror? Why dress in my late father’s armor and stalk the premises? What do you want? 

_ GHOST beckons HARRY over. _

**ZAYN** : What the fuck? Am I still high from last night?

**LOUIS** : It beckons you, love. Maybe it wants you alone?

**NIALL** :  _ [in awe]  _ What a lovely gentleman, the way he’s calling you over.

**ZAYN** : What makes a gesture polite? He hasn’t said anything that would make him polite.

**NIALL** :  _ [bites his thumb]  _ Notice how I didn’t say a word and yet I insult you.

**ZAYN** :  _ [aghast]  _ Do you bite your thumb at  _ me _ , sir?

**NIALL** :  _ [mocking]  _ No, sir. I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I  _ do _ bite my thumb.

**ZAYN** : I seriously cannot fucking stand you. I hope the ghost possesses you.

**NIALL** :  _ [mock offended]  _ Zayn… my heart, it weeps at your words.

**LOUIS** : Stop it, both of you. Harry—I implore you, don’t follow it.

**NIALL** :  _ [laughing]  _ Do it Harry, no balls.

**ZAYN & LOUIS** :  _ [alarmed] _ Niall?!

**HARRY** : If it will not speak to me here, then I shall follow it elsewhere.

**ZAYN** : Bro…don’t.

**NIALL** : We could really use a proton pack right now.

**ZAYN** : What’s a proton?

**NIALL** : I don’t know, ask Ernest Rutherford.

**LOUIS** : Sunshine, please, do  _ not _ follow.

**HARRY** : Why? What is fear? I already crave death, what a simple way to go about it.

**LOUIS** : And you would leave me behind?

**HARRY** : Come if you wish, let us spend eternity in the afterlife together. No more tears be shed, no more pain be felt. Simply bliss.

**LOUIS** :  _ [frightened, highly worried] _ Harry… your words are more terrifying than the apparition before us. 

**ZAYN** :  _ [to HARRY]  _ I thought you had a side thing with Ophelia going on, though?

_ HARRY and LOUIS turn their heads to ZAYN for a second. _

**LOUIS & HARRY** : It’s complicated.

_ GHOST beckons HARRY once more. NIALL and LOUIS hold HARRY back from following. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [desperate]  _ Please don’t do this. If something were to happen…

**HARRY** :  _ [distracted, dazed]  _ It’s waving to me still. I’m going.

**NIALL** : You’re not going.

**HARRY** : Unhand me! 

**LOUIS** : Calm down—

**HARRY** : This is my fate, what do you not understand?   
_HARRY draws his sword._ _  
_ Stand back! Or you’ll be the ghost who stalks the night instead!

_ LOUIS and NIALL jump back to where ZAYN is, alarmed. _

**ZAYN** : What the hell, Harry?

_ Exit GHOST and HARRY. LOUIS falls to his knees. ZAYN rests a hand on his shoulders. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [teary-eyed]  _ He’s gone mad, he’d leave me with no remorse!

**ZAYN** :  _ [gentle]  _ He’s not in his right mind, Louis. He would never actually do this of free will.

**LOUIS** :  _ [choked] _ What will come of this night?

**NIALL** : Something is rotten here in Denmark.

**LOUIS** : If that’s true, perhaps we should leave it in God’s hands.

**NIALL** : To Hell with that, we’re following him. Let us go.

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT I. SCENE V.   
_ Another part of the platform.  _ _  
_ _ Enter GHOST and HARRY. _

**HARRY** : Where are you taking me? I demand you tell me at once! I won’t move another inch if you don’t say.

**GHOST** :  _ [menacing]  _ Listen to me.

**HARRY** :  _ [nervous]  _ Okay… 

**GHOST** : The time has come for me to return to my purgatory of hellfire.

**HARRY** : Sucks to suck.

**GHOST** :  _ [falters]  _ Um… 

**HARRY** : Sorry, sorry. Continue, please.

**GHOST** :  _ [recovers]  _ Listen carefully to what I’m about to say. You will be ready for revenge when you hear my next words.

**HARRY** : Revenge?

**GHOST** : I am the ghost of your father—

**HARRY** : What?!

**GHOST** : —doomed for a time to walk the earth at night and burn in the fires of purgatory during the day until my past sins have been burnt and purged away. 

**HARRY** : What is purgatory like? 

**GHOST** : I cannot say, but if I could, it would make you want to rip off your own flesh.

**HARRY** :  _ [disgusted]  _ That’s… why would you tell me that. Why would you put that image in my head.

**GHOST** : Listen! If you ever loved your dear father—

**HARRY** :  _ [choked up]  _ More than anything.

**GHOST** : —then take revenge for his unjust murder! 

**HARRY** : Murder? I thought a poisonous snake bit you whilst you slept in the orchard, as you always did. Please, tell me more.

**GHOST** : It was most unnatural, most unkind. That poisonous lie has tricked all of Denmark. It was your uncle Claudius, who now takes my throne and my once-thought beloved wife—

**HARRY** : I knew it was he!

**GHOST** : Your uncle snuck up on me as I slept and poured a vial of henbane poison into my ear, a vicious toxin that moved with haste and without remorse as it left me in scaly rashes from head to toe. That is how he stole my crown, my once-devoted wife, and soul.

**HARRY** : What an awful way to go. I shall take revenge as swiftly as I have fallen in love—or, well, as soon as I have some free time in my schedule. I’ve got some important meetings coming up and I’ve promised Louis to brunch—but I will do as you ask.

**GHOST** : And I thank you for that. I leave you with this; don’t allow the Danish throne to become a pool of incest. Do not ruin your mind or harm your mother in the process of your revenge. She will understand her guilt in due time. Goodbye, my son. Remember me, son. Remember me.

**HARRY** : No! Wait—!

_ Exit GHOST. HARRY trembles with confusion and despair, falling to his knees as tears slide down his blotched cheeks and onto the ground beneath him. _

**HARRY** : What a cruel, awful night. I curse this … this stupid night! Do I wish I had thought these rumors of a ghost as nothing more than a joke, or do I wish the ghost would have killed me instead, left me without this horrid ache and despair in my heart, within my blackened soul? I curse the false King, I curse my incestual mother, I curse God for having made taking thine own life a mortal sin, I curse Louis… I curse him for giving me a reason to stay chained to this Earth—the reason being his golden, selfless self—to continue to collapse under the weight of my grief that my cursed father has heightened! Damn Louis, damn you! My love, my everything, my shining star, damn you!  
_HARRY collects himself, sniffling as he stands to his feet._ _  
_ As long as I have the ability to remember, I will remember this night as I remember the first moment I laid eyes on Louis; I will wipe everything but my vow to you, father, to go forth with revenge and slain those who have wronged you, who have brought this pain and suffering onto your soul as it has been put onto mine.

_ Enter LOUIS, ZAYN and NIALL. LOUIS collapses into HARRY’s embrace, who soothes his cries, petting his hair, dazed and distracted. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [crying]  _ Oh my God, you’re alive! 

**NIALL** : What happened? Tell us at once.

**ZAYN** : Do tell!

**HARRY** : It was unimaginable.

**ZAYN** : C’mon, spit it out!

**HARRY** :  _ [hesitant] _ No, you’ll talk.

**NIALL** : We won’t.

**ZAYN** : We swear it!

_LOUIS_ _caresses HARRY’s cheek, looking up at him._

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ What happened this night?

**HARRY** : You must all keep this a secret.

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY** : I will.

_ EVERYONE holds their breath in anticipation for what HARRY says next. _

**HARRY** : Any villain in Denmark is a, well, villain.

**NIALL** :  _ [deadpan] _ Wow, very anticlimactic.

**LOUIS** : You don’t need a ghost to tell you that.

_ HARRY smiles down at LOUIS. _

**HARRY** : You are absolutely correct, and so perhaps ‘tis best we just shake hands and be on our way, hmm? Better to not know what I know.

**LOUIS** : You’re acting strange…

**HARRY** : Do I offend you?

**LOUIS** : …you do not. No offense taken.

**HARRY** : But there is offense taken, my  _ lysende stjerne _ . That ghost is as real as you all suspected. But in regards to what occurred this night, it is best you not ask about it any longer. I ask that you all do me one small favor.

**LOUIS** : Anything, anything at all.

**HARRY** : I ask that you never speak of what you saw, to anyone.

**ZAYN** : I can do that.

**NIALL** : Ight.

**LOUIS** :  _ [uneasy] _ Okay…

**HARRY** :  _ [eyes wide]  _ No, you must swear it.

**LOUIS** : I swear to God.

**ZAYN & NIALL** : I swear.

**HARRY** :  _ [progressively getting worse]  _ You must swear by my sword.

**LOUIS** : What?

**NIALL** : But we’ve already sworn?

**HARRY** : Swear by my sword.

_ GHOST calls out from afar, “Swear!” _

**NIALL** :  _ [alarmed]  _ The fuck was that?!

**ZAYN** :  _ [uneasy]  _ don’t like this…

**LOUIS** : Love, you scare me once more tonight…

**HARRY** :  _ [bewildered]  _ Is that you, old man? C’mon lads, you heard him down in the ground, swear!

_ LOUIS attempts to remain calm. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [still gentle]  _ Who are we swearing to?

**HARRY** : Swear by my sword!

_ The GHOST calls out again, “Swear!” _

**HARRY** :  _ [has lost it]  _ There you are again. Perhaps we shall move, gentlemen, perhaps he wants us to move.

_ They move a few paces away, for HARRY’s sake, or lack thereof. _

**NIALL** : Now I  _ really _ wish we had a proton pack.

**HARRY** : Swear by my sword you’ll never mention what you heard!

_ GHOST calls out, “Swear by his sword!” _

**HARRY** :  _ [laughs, wild]  _ Alright now, you’re quite busy beneath the Earth, aren’t you? Let’s move again, yes? Let’s move.

**LOUIS** :  _ [keeping it together]  _ My God, this is odd.

**HARRY** : Then give it a warm welcome as you would a stranger. Listen to me now, all of you; no matter how strange I may act in the near future, you must never act like you know a thing. You must act oblivious. You must never be like, “I suspected that”, or “I had a feeling about him,” none of it! Swear you won’t! Swear it!

_ GHOST calls out, “Swear!” _

**ZAYN** : I’m gonna need to smoke the thickest blunt after this.

**NIALL & LOUIS** : Ditto.

_ Enter LIAM. _

**LIAM** : Hello gentlemen! How are thee on this lovely spring evening—

**ZAYN** :  _ [mortified]  _ Get the hell out of here Liam! Right the fuck now! Go!

**LIAM** :  _ [startled]  _ I was simply looking for my misplaced coat—

**NIALL** :  _ [mocking] _ Are you simply stupid? Go!

**LIAM** : Okay, damn! I’m leaving!  _ [muttered]  _ I am so alone…

_ Exit LIAM. EVERYONE but HARRY touches his sword, swearing under their breath as they look at each other with worried eyes. _

**HARRY** : The unhappy ghost may rest now. And so can all of us, as you have sworn upon my sword. I shall repay you all back someday for your undoubting loyalty. Let us walk back to court together, yes?

**LOUIS** :  _ [complete confusion]  _ Sure, love…

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT II. SCENE I.   
_ A room in the castle.  _ _  
_ _ Enter LOUIS and HARRY, situated nude in bed. Early morning sunlight cascades on the duvet. _

**LOUIS** : I believe you to be troubled.

**HARRY** : Your intuition would be correct.

**LOUIS** : Are you having those depressing thoughts again?

**HARRY** : No, love, I am not.

_ LOUIS rolls to lay on top of HARRY, sucking lightly at his torso. _

**LOUIS** : Then what, pray tell?

**HARRY** : There are many things that cloud my mind in this moment, some good, some bad.

**LOUIS** : Would it be best to tell the good or bad?

**HARRY** : I think it best to not speak of my thoughts at all.

**LOUIS** : Then let us rest.

_ They rest with limbs entangled. A moment of silence before conversation continues. _

**HARRY** : Do you know what it is that makes me live another day?

**LOUIS** : I have an idea, but I’m not sure it’s correct.

**HARRY** : You are almost always correct in your assumptions.

**LOUIS** : Why don’t you tell me first, and then we’ll see if that’s true.

**HARRY** : It is you, my Louis, my _ gylden sol _ , you. Did you think right?

**LOUIS** :  _ [flattered] _ I was wrong.

**HARRY** : For the first time in your life, it seems. But it’s a silly wrong, for I thought it obvious my affection toward you is overbearing above all.

**LOUIS** : Is it though?

**HARRY** : Do you doubt my words?

**LOUIS** : I doubt your actions, love.

**HARRY** : Ah. Last night.

**LOUIS** : You were willing to die and leave me alone to grieve, as you do for your father.

**HARRY** : You would grieve me like I do someone like my father?

**LOUIS** : Without doubt. You are the most important thing in my mortal life.

**HARRY** : And what about your afterlife?

**LOUIS** : There too, when I get there, although I do hope that’s not soon.

**HARRY** : I hope the same. I would… I don’t know who I’d become if anything were to happen to you.

_ They share a kiss. _

**LOUIS** : Must we leave this bed so soon?

**HARRY** : I have a meeting with Ophelia.

**LOUIS** :  _ [obviously annoyed]  _ How can you speak of a dull woman after saying I am the reason you live?

**HARRY** : I cannot help my likeness to her.

**LOUIS** : But you can, you simply choose to.

**HARRY** : In the same way I choose to like you?

**LOUIS** :  _ [hurt]  _ I don’t know. I’m not your brain.

**HARRY** : What is it you wish me to do?

**LOUIS** : I wish to be the only one you share a bed with.

**HARRY** : You  _ are _ the only one I share a bed with.

**LOUIS** :  _ [hopeful] _ You’ve not lain with Ophelia?

**HARRY** : No.

**LOUIS** : But do you plan on it?

**HARRY** : Yes, at some point.

**LOUIS** :  _ [teary eyed]  _ I would rather you lie to me.

**HARRY** : I would never lie to you.

**LOUIS** : Lie, for it makes my heart ache less.

**HARRY** : This is not a lie: I do not love Ophelia. I love you.

**LOUIS** : My heart still aches.

**HARRY** : Do I always make your heart ache?

**LOUIS** : When you spend time with Ophelia, when you willingly left me behind last night to potentially go and die.

**HARRY** :  _ [remorseful]  _ I am sorry about that.  _ Undskyld _ , love. Please believe and forgive me.

**LOUIS** : I suppose I can. But what will you do about Ophelia?

**HARRY** : That isn’t a thought that has crossed my mind. I didn’t realize you were troubled by it.

**LOUIS** :  _ [incredulous]  _ You didn’t think your lover would be jealous over that?

**HARRY** : You have me, have you not?

**LOUIS** : Yes.

**HARRY** : Say it with confidence, if it’s what you believe.

**LOUIS** :  _ [falters]  _ I do not know.

**HARRY** : You have me always, you are my one true affection. Ophelia is … just another side character. A distraction.

**LOUIS** : Am I not a distraction?

**HARRY** : You focus me. You keep my head in place. The fog in my brain dissipates when you speak to me and I see your face, when I touch your skin, when I kiss your lips.

**LOUIS** : It’s just like that for me… I truly believe that. 

**HARRY** : I hope you do.

**LOUIS** :  _ [sad]  _ I do wish you would end your intentions with Ophelia. It would prevent many of our arguments.

**HARRY** : Are we arguing now?

**LOUIS** : No, but we have before, and we will in the future about it. It’s pointless.

_ HARRY rolls LOUIS onto his back, looking down at him. He rests on his forearms, back twisting from the angle he lays on LOUIS. LOUIS laughs from the sudden change of position. _

**HARRY** : Louis. Any moment I spend with you is never pointless. Whether we are yelling or crying or laughing, it means something to me. It means everything to me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

**LOUIS** :  _ [touched] _ Oh, love.

_ HARRY thumbs LOUIS’ tears from his bottom eyelids. _

**HARRY** : You are it for me. Never doubt that again.

**LOUIS** : I cannot promise anything.

**HARRY** : Will you try?

**LOUIS** : Yes, for you.

**HARRY** : Even when… I act strange?

**LOUIS** : Yes…

**HARRY** : Are you confident about that?

**LOUIS** : I will try.

**HARRY** : _[grins]_ Good.  
_They share a lengthy kiss, bodies gliding against one another as blankets tangle underneath limbs and twisted figures._ _  
_ Change of plans. We will stay here all day.

**LOUIS** : Good idea.

**HARRY** : Ophelia who?

**LOUIS** :  _ [laughing] _ I don’t even know what you’re talking about. 

**HARRY** :  _ [laughing]  _ I love you.

**LOUIS** : And I you.

_ They kiss once more.  _

**HARRY** : For you, my love, I will cut ties with Ophelia. If that is what you truly desire.

**LOUIS** :  _ [smiling]  _ It is, it is.

**HARRY** : Then it is done.

**LOUIS** : Thank you… to show my appreciation…

_ LOUIS slides beneath HARRY, his face underneath the sheets, lips pressing against HARRY’s inner thighs. _

**HARRY** : Oh… 

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT II. SCENE II.   
_ A room of state in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING, QUEEN, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN and attendants. _

**KING** : Welcome, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Let’s get right to the point. Harry has changed drastically from who I once knew, for reasons unknown other than  _ perhaps _ the passing of his father being one of them.

**QUEEN** : What do you mean “perhaps”? That’s highly likely.

**KING** : Since you are his childhood friends, I ask that you stay in court and keep a close eye on him, understood?

**QUEEN** : Harry speaks of you two in such a fond light. I am positive he will rejoice at your appearance in court. We will thank you graciously for your help.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : You lowkey ordered us, not much of an option here—

_ GUILDENSTERN elbows ROSENCRANTZ in the ribs. _

**GUILDENSTERN** : And—! We are more than happy to serve you both.

**KING** : Much thanks.

**QUEEN** : Please, go see my son at once. Guards, escort them

**GUILDENSTERN** : I hope we can help.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN and some attendants. Enter POLONIUS. _

**POLONIUS** : The ambassadors from Norway have returned, my lord.

**KING** : Cool.

**POLONIUS** : I also have an inkling as to why Harry has gone mad.

_ The KING claps his hands together like a child who’s received a piece of candy. _

**KING** : Oo, yes, pray tell.

**POLONIUS** : But first, shall I bring in the ambassadors?

**KING** : Eh, why not?

_ Exit POLONIUS. _

**KING** : Hey, Gertrude?

**QUEEN** : Yes?

**KING** :  _ [grins obnoxiously]  _ Do I have anything stuck between my teeth?

**QUEEN** : No.

**KING** : Cool, thanks. Hey, what do you think Polonius will tell us?

**QUEEN** : I highly doubt it’ll be a different reason than his father’s passing and our quick marriage.

**KING** : Ugh, I’m so tired of hearing that excuse. It has to be something else. I can feel it, like, in my brain. 

**QUEEN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Fascinating.

_ Enter POLONIUS, with VOLTEMAND and CORNELIUS.  _

**KING** : Welcome home! Voltemand, explain the situation in Norway to me like I’m 5 years old.

**VOLTEMAND** : Fortinbras made dumb mistake and Denmark safe.

**KING** : Excellent! 

**VOLTEMAND** : Here is a letter from him to you, asking for permission to pass his troops through our territories to get to Poland. He assures your safety.

_ VOLTEMAND hands the KING a document. _

**KING** : I’ll read this later. You’ve done enough, now shoo. Go away.

_ Exit VOLTEMAND and CORNELIUS. _

**POLONIUS** : That went smoothly. 

**KING** : Agreed. Now, about Harry. What has changed him?

**POLONIUS** : Your Majesties, to make long and drawn out speeches about why day is day, and night is night, and time is time, and children grow up one day, and how the advancement of technology will be both our savior and our doom, would redact a statement I live by; the essence of wisdom is not talking too much, I’ll get straight to the point—your son is crazy.

**QUEEN** :  _ [dead pan]  _ Duly noted.

**KING** : Okay, but why?

**POLONIUS** : It’s true he’s crazy, and it’s a shame it’s true, and it’s truly a shame he’s crazy—

**KING** : I will send your ass back to France if you don’t just get to the point.

**POLONIUS** : Noted. Ophelia has given me this letter she found addressed to her at her doorstep from several nights ago. It reads; “To the heavenly idol of my soul, the most beautified Louis—“

_ POLONIUS freezes up from “Louis”. The KING and QUEEN raise an eyebrow in confusion. _

**KING** : Louis?

**POLONIUS** : Wait, this is the wrong one. Give me a moment.

**QUEEN** : Who is Louis?

**KING** : No clue.

**QUEEN** : Is Louis a man?

**KING** : Are you daft? It’s a male name, is it not?

**QUEEN** : No need to be rude.

**KING** :  _ [thoughtful, not unkind]  _ I didn’t know Harry was gay.

**QUEEN** : Bisexuals exist, Claudius.

**KING** : No, that’s not real.

**QUEEN** : It most certainly is.

**KING** : Lies. Fake news.

_ POLONIUS recovers the correct letter. _

**POLONIUS** : Ah, yes! Here we are. Now—

**KING** : Can you just, like, summarize it? Do we really need to know the whole thing?

**POLONIUS** : No, I suppose you do not. To put it short, Harry is love obsessed with my Ophelia. When I discovered what was occurring between the two, I had Ophelia put a stop to it immediately, as a good father would do. With rejection, Harry mopes around, not eating or sleeping or bathing, maybe. I don’t know about the bathing part totally, but  _ somebody  _ has smelled quite hideously recently and all bets are on him.

**KING** : [ _ to QUEEN]  _ Do you think that’s legit?

**QUEEN** : That Harry isn’t bathing?

**KING** : No—what?  _ God _ , no. I meant that if Harry is love-crazed?

**QUEEN** : Oh—well, who’s to say it couldn’t be legit?

**KING** : Good point. What should we do to figure this out? Polonius, what do you suggest?

**POLONIUS** : Harry walks around in this very room for four hours of the day. I could send Ophelia in to see him, and then we can hide behind the curtains, over there, and watch what happens.

**KING** : Seems like a solid plan.

_ Enter HARRY and LOUIS. HARRY is reading a book. _

**QUEEN** : Look at him sulk as he reads. 

**KING** : Who’s that man beside him?

**QUEEN** : Is it Louis? 

**POLONIUS** : I will speak to them alone, if you allow it.

**KING** : Sure. Gives me a chance to crack open a cold one in our new game room.

_ Exit KING and QUEEN. _

**POLONIUS** : Hello Your Highness, and hello man I do not know. 

**HARRY** : Hello.

**LOUIS** : Hi… I’m Louis—

**POLONIUS** : Don’t care. How are you this afternoon, Harry?

_ LOUIS furrows his eyebrows at the dismissal, scoffing. _

**HARRY** : Fine.

**POLONIUS** : Do you recognize me?

**HARRY** : Yeah, you sell fish.

_ LOUIS chuckles to himself. HARRY subtly taps LOUIS’ foot with his own to silence him. _

**POLONIUS** : No… 

**HARRY** : Huh. Right.

**LOUIS** : Have you gotten to the part I was telling you about?

_ HARRY lights up, smiling bright. _

**HARRY** : I’m getting there, I think. Thank you kindly for lending me this. You must be terribly bored watching me read silently, are you not?

**LOUIS** : Time with you, silent or not, is cherished. Perhaps you can read to me in the orchard, under the cherry blossom tree I love.

_ HARRY grins at that, POLONIUS watches the conversation in confusion. HARRY returns to his sulked walk around the room. _

**POLONIUS** : So—

**HARRY** : Oh! By the way, do you have a daughter?

**POLONIUS** : I do… 

**HARRY** :  _ [mock serious]  _ Never let her walk in public. Procreation is a must, but do be careful.

_ LOUIS stifles a laugh, HARRY biting his lip. _

**POLONIUS** :  _ [falters, to himself]  _ Perhaps I shall try a different approach.  _ [to HARRY]  _ What are you reading?

**HARRY** : Words.

**POLONIUS** : What’s the subject?

**HARRY** : Between whom?

_ LOUIS smiles and bites his lip as he looks down, shaking his head, hair falling into his eyes. This teasing has gone on long enough. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [to HARRY]  _ Shall we head to the orchard now?

**HARRY** : Lovely idea, love.  _ [to POLONIUS] _ Good day.

_ Exit LOUIS and HARRY. _

**POLONIUS** :  _ [to himself]  _ Love? He calls that man “love”. An endearing term, could mean nothing, yet could mean anything. Something very strange is going on. I must arrange his and Ophelia’s meeting.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT III. SCENE I.   
_ A room in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter KING, QUEEN, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN. _

**KING** : Are you telling me you spent an entire afternoon with him, and you still can’t explain why Harry is expressing such dangerous displays of lunacy?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : He says he’s confused, but won’t tell us why. He also tiptoed around every question we asked of him.

**GUILDENSTERN** : He spent most of the time staring at the wall, ignoring us.

**QUEEN** : Did Harry treat you well?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Yes, other than the blatant ignoring. But he seemed to be forcing his kindness when he would speak.

**GUILDENSTERN** : Some actors passed by us, during our time with him. He seemed enticed by the idea of watching a performance. They’re back at court tonight, and I think they were told to give a performance for him this evening. 

**QUEEN** : Will his friend Louis attend?

**ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN** : Most definitely.

**QUEEN** : Why do you say it that way?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : When Harry would give us more than one-worded responses, he would speak of Louis in a light I’ve never seen him speak about  _ anything _ before.

**POLONIUS** : They left together after yesterday’s meeting to read in the orchard. 

**QUEEN** : The orchard where the late King passed?

**POLONIUS** : That’d be the one.

**QUEEN** : Ophelia, what do you know of this Louis?

**OPHELIA** : I know that when Harry and I would spend time together, he was always more keen to discuss Louis’ … um … 

**QUEEN** : Yes…?

**OPHELIA** : His, well—I don’t know if I should say—

**POLONIUS** : Spit it out already!

**OPHELIA** :  _ [yelling]  _ His ass! Louis has a nice ass!

_ Silence. _

**POLONIUS** :  _ [to OPHELIA, aside]  _ Can we, as father and daughter, agree to never discuss what just happened again?

**OPHELIA** :  _ [mortified]  _ Agreed.

**KING** : So Harry’s in love with Louis, then.

**OPHELIA** : Then why had Harry come into my room that one night, wearing undone, dirty stockings and an unbuttoned shirt, and approached me as if he had just run from Hell itself, and grabbed me by the wrist, and shook me all over? What sane man does that?

**GUILDENSTERN** : Sounds fake, but okay. 

**KING** : I think we have established my son-nephew is not sane.

**POLONIUS** : I think we should change our plan—

**KING** : No, idiot, if we know Harry and Louis are seeing each other, then Louis will come with Harry to sulk with him, or whatever it is they do together. We’ll be able to observe him.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [under his breath]  _ That might be the most intelligent thing you’ve said this far.

**OPHELIA** : So, what will my role be?

**KING** : We will see how Harry interacts with you verses Louis, to see who is the true cause of his crazed love.

**QUEEN** : We’re not even positive it’s love that’s made him insane—

**KING** : Silence, woman. Your speaking lines are over. 

**POLONIUS** : This will work. It must. For the sake of my daughter’s treasure chest.

**OPHELIA** : Jesus  _ Christ _ , Dad—

**QUEEN** : If love hath made thee mad, then sweet Ophelia, I do hope it’s your beauty that has caused it, and that it will be your virtue who cures him.

**OPHELIA** : Thanks, I guess.

**KING** : Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, why are you both still here? You’re no longer needed, leave my sight, you offend my eyes.

**ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN** : Ight.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN.  _

**QUEEN** : I should leave as well, so the plan runs smoothly, because somehow, I, being a woman, will make this go poorly.

**KING** : True right, when things go wrong, it’s a woman’s fault always. Welcome to 17th century writing and society.

_ Exit the QUEEN. _

**POLONIUS** : Ophelia, get over here. _ [to the KING]  _ Your Majesty, let’s hide.  _ [back to OPHELIA]  _ Pretend to read this book, so you look more natural.

_ OPHELIA reads the cover. _

**OPHELIA** : “Romeo and Juliet”? Why do you own this?

**POLONIUS** :  _ [lies]  _ It was your mother’s, now hurry! Go! I hear them approaching! 

_ Enter HARRY and LOUIS. Away from view, the KING whisper shouts, “I knew it!” and POLONIUS shushes him. _

**HARRY** : To be or not to be? That is the question. Is it better to put up with the tribulations of life or to simply put an end to misery once and for all? 

**LOUIS** : A question I cannot answer.

**HARRY** : Dying. Sleeping—that’s all it is. An eternal, blissful slumber. 

**LOUIS** : But is it? Or is it eternal hell?

**HARRY** : I suppose it depends on how you lived your mortal life.

**OPHELIA** : Good day to you, Your Highness.

_ HARRY and LOUIS jump, startled, not expecting OPHELIA to be there. _

**HARRY** : Oh, good day Ophelia. Have you been acquainted with Louis?

**LOUIS** :  _ [attempting to hide disdain]  _ I don’t believe we’ve met. 

**OPHELIA** : Ophelia. A pleasure.  
_She curtsies politely._ _  
_ My father is Polonius, perhaps you’ve met him?

**LOUIS** : Am I supposed to be impressed?

**OPHELIA** :  _ [falters, then recovers, to HARRY]  _ My lord, I have some gifts I’d like to return to you.

_ LOUIS eyes him suspiciously. HARRY swallows. _

**HARRY** : That wasn’t me.

**OPHELIA** : It most certainly was you.

**HARRY** :  _ [sweating]  _ I’ve not got a clue as to what you’re talking about.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [snide]  _ Your letters were kind, and made your gifts all the better, but their luster has run thin. A gift loses its’ value when its’ giver turns out to be not as sweet.

**LOUIS** : Excuse your tone, you’re speaking to the prince. Or have you forgotten?

_ HARRY realizes what OPHELIA is trying to do. _

**HARRY** :  _ [to OPHELIA]  _ May I ask you, are you good?

**OPHELIA** : What?

**HARRY** : Are you beautiful?

**OPHELIA** : Uh—

**HARRY** : I’m just saying that if you are good, and if you are beautiful, then the good doesn’t have anything to do with the beauty.

**OPHELIA** : What?

**HARRY** : The power of beauty can change a good girl into a whore than the power of good can change a beautiful girl into a virgin. I’ve solved the puzzle. 

**OPHELIA** :  _ [offended]  _ Are you implying that I’m a whore?

**HARRY** : I imply only what you think I imply.

**OPHELIA** : You’ve lost me.

**HARRY** : I’ll be blunt: I used to love you. In fact, I believe I never did. 

**LOUIS** :  _ [relishing in this]  _ Yikes.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [to LOUIS]  _ Let me guess, you think he loves you?

**LOUIS** : The tragic difference between you and me is that I have always known it. I do not only think it. 

**OPHELIA** : Are thinking and knowing not the same thing?

**LOUIS** : Are beauty and brains not the same for you?

**HARRY** :  _ [to OPHELIA]  _ Seek help immediately.

**OPHELIA** : You’re quite rude. Both of you.

**HARRY** : I am arrogant, ambitiously vengeful; I hold more ill will within me than one man should. Why should someone like me roam between heaven and Earth? Take my advice, and get yourself to a convent, Ophelia. There are enough people in this world having sinful children, we need not more. Tell me, where is your father?

_ LOUIS is taken aback slightly, but remains silent.  _

**OPHELIA** :  _ [through grit teeth]  _ He is at home. 

**HARRY** : Have him locked in his home so he is only a fool there, where I don’t have to bare witness. Goodbye.

_ HARRY takes LOUIS’ limp hand, readying to leave. _

**OPHELIA** : What the hell has happened to you?

**HARRY** : If you marry, you’d need to marry a fool. A wise man would know you’d cheat.

**LOUIS** : Harry—

**OPHELIA** : I hope you recover from … whatever this is within you.

**HARRY** :  _ [blurting]  _ That makeup you wear on your face; a façade to hide your ugly, detestable soul. God had given you a face and Satan deemed it unfit for what’s within. Goodbye. Get yourself to a convent, quickly. Goodbye.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [to LOUIS]  _ And you say you know he loves you? When he once loved me?

**HARRY** : I never loved you, please get that through your thick skull.

**LOUIS** : Confidently, yes.

**OPHELIA** : Your confidence is a façade, as is the makeup I wear, according to Your Highness.

**LOUIS** : It’s a façade I wear well, then.

**OPHELIA** : Tragic. Despicable, really, that you can’t see the man you apparently love is ill.

**LOUIS** :  _ [defensive]  _ You don’t know me. 

**OPHELIA** : Don’t I? You’ve become an accessory, a toy to be played with then thrown away. That is how it will always be for you.

**LOUIS** : And what is that you’re reading?  
_He glances at the cover._ _  
_ Do you think yourself as Juliet, then? Do you think yourself as weak? As naïve? Or do you think you may find an impossible love as that of hers?

**OPHELIA** :  _ [fumbles because she hasn’t actually read the damn book]  _ I beg your pardon?

**LOUIS** : Goodbye, Ophelia. I hope to never be in your presence again.

**OPHELIA** : Likewise.

**HARRY** : Seek help.

**OPHELIA** : Says you!

_ Exit HARRY and LOUIS. The KING and POLONIUS step forward. OPHELIA wipes angry tears from her cheek. _

**KING** : Well that was something. My vocabulary isn’t large enough to have a readily available word for that, but it was something. 

**POLONIUS** : No need to repeat any of it to us, Ophelia. We heard it all.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [unamused]  _ Yay. 

**KING** : So we were wrong, then. Which is absurd, I’m never wrong, so I deem Polonius  _ more _ wrong. 

**POLONIUS** : I’ll take it.

**OPHELIA** : He’s in love with that soggy napkin of a man, but it’s not the cause of his crazed state. His sadness is from something else, perhaps more dangerous than you both thought.

**KING** : I’m going to take your words and pretend I said them. Also, I’ve just made this executive decision in my head; I shall send him to England to try to get back the money they owe us in hopes it distracts him.  _ [to POLONIUS]  _ What do you think of this plan?

**POLONIUS** : Sounds legit. I still think the issue lies within unrequited love. 

**OPHELIA** : Father, are you also ill? He made it abundantly clear he never loved me.

**POLONIUS** : And how are you taking that?

**OPHELIA** : I’m actually good, not gonna lie. I mean, I’ve been better, but I’m fine.

**POLONIUS** :  _ [to the KING]  _ My lord, you should try to get the Queen alone with him, maybe then he will admit some of his feelings to her. She is his mother, after all.

**KING** : You don’t have to tell me who Harry’s mother is.

**POLONIUS** : If that doesn’t work, send him off to England.

**KING** : Then that’s how I’ll go about it. By the way, I’m going to take your idea and pretend I thought of it myself. I’m a genius! 

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT III. SCENE II.   
_ A different room within the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter HARRY, LOUIS, NIALL, ZAYN, and LIAM. _ _  
_ _ They have all been invited to drink tea and chat. _

**HARRY** : And then I called her a whore, and told her to go to a nunnery.

**NIALL** : Well that’s just rude, Harry.

**LIAM** : Very.

**ZAYN** : … Harry.

**LIAM** : That rhymes!

**ZAYN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Yes. I’m aware.

**LOUIS** : You  _ were _ a bit brash, Harry.

**HARRY** : Did I go too far?

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY** : Yes.

**HARRY** : Hmph. Well then.

**LOUIS** : She deserved  _ some  _ of it. 

**NIALL** : But did she? Did she really?

**LOUIS** : I detest her greatly. 

**LIAM** : What for? She’s quite the lovely maiden.

**ZAYN** : Louis only hates her because Harry fancies—

**HARRY** :  _ [corrects him] _ Fancied.

**ZAYN** : —her.

**LOUIS** : No, that’s not it, neither because she’s a woman; I’m not misogynistic. It’s that she doesn’t have a mind for herself; she dotingly follows whatever men tell her to do, especially from her father. It’s annoying.

**NIALL** : That’s sad. Does she not know she can think for herself?

**LIAM** : Perhaps not. Instead of feeling hatred, we should pity her.

**LOUIS** : Nay.

**LIAM** : Ight.

**HARRY** : Enough about Ophelia. Let’s change the subject.

**LOUIS** :  _ [to HARRY]  _ Actually, yes, there is something I’d like to ask you. 

**HARRY** : Have I not told you before? There’s no need to ask before you speak. Say it.

**LOUIS** : Are you… are you okay?

**HARRY** : What?

**LOUIS** : I simply… I feel like…

**HARRY** : Go on, love.

**LOUIS** : I fear you may not be well.

**HARRY** : My temperature is normal, my lungs are steel, my heart is strong, I have two arms and two legs and two eyes. Do I not appear “fine” to you?

_ LOUIS winces at his harsh tone. ZAYN rests a comforting hand on LOUIS’ shoulder. _

**ZAYN** : No need to be rude about it.

**HARRY** : Offense was not my intention. I’m sorry.

**LOUIS** : Mentally, are you ill?

**HARRY** : I will admit,  _ [to LOUIS]  _ only because you are the light that makes the darkness cower,  _ [to everyone else]  _ and because all of you, my dear friends, are as trustworthy as my sword… I am only in a state of insanity sometimes. Other times, things are clear. My uncle—er, father, and my mother have the wrong idea about me. I’m sure you’ve all heard some things.

**LIAM** : I have, but I’ve never believed any of it, sir.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ Thank you, Liam. You’re a wonderful friend.

**ZAYN** : Do you know where your confusion comes from?

**HARRY** : The death of my father has not been easy. Seeing his ghost has brought me—

**LIAM** : You saw his ghost?!

**NIALL** : Oh yeah, someone go catch Liam up to date. He’s like, several scenes behind.

**ZAYN** : I will. Come on, lad.

_ Exit ZAYN and LIAM. _

_ HARRY, LOUIS and NIALL sit in comfortable silence while incoherent mumbling sounds from the other side of the door.  _

_ Enter ZAYN and LIAM. _

**LIAM** : So… must I swear upon your sword too?

_ NIALL laughs. _

**HARRY** : Swear you won’t tell a soul what you’ve heard. All of you, swear you won’t repeat anything I’m about to say outside these four walls. 

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY** : I swear.

**LIAM** :  _ [under his breath]  _ On your sword.

**HARRY** :  _ [hesitant]  _ This isn’t easy to say…

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ Take your time, baby.

**HARRY** : Well…

**NIALL** :  _ [impatient]  _ Get on with it!

**LIAM** : Niall, don’t be rude!

**NIALL** : This is more dramatic than I can physically deal with—

**HARRY** :  _ [blurts]  _ My father was murdered by my uncle.

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY** : Oh… fuck.

**HARRY** : As my father slept in the orchard that afternoon he was discovered, as he always did, my uncle came ‘round and poured a vial of poison into his ear. This is what he said to me that night, when I followed him away from the platform.

**LIAM** : His ear?

**ZAYN** : Why is that the part you’ve decided to question, out of everything else he said?

**HARRY** : And now, my ghostly father—or perhaps it is the Devil toying with my mind, like some kind of puppet, to do his bidding—and so I am conflicted, my thoughts are clashing, ricocheting in my skull and keeping me up at night. I disturbed Ophelia late midnight some time ago—in a dazed state of mind, after she had returned some letters I sent to her.

**LOUIS** :  _ [jealous]  _ You sent her letters—

**HARRY** : What does that matter anymore? The point is, I am more fearful of what my mind is capable of. What will my hands do if I do not tread lightly?

**ZAYN** : You’re in command of thine hands.

**HARRY** : But not of mind. Is it not the brain that controls the hands? The throat, how I speak?

**NIALL** : Dude, I think you’re just freaked out over the whole thing. The ghost had to be real, all of us but Liam saw it. 

**LOUIS** : So are we all insane? Or maybe, like, tripping?

**HARRY** : I only share all of this with you because I believe the King and Queen are onto me.

**LOUIS** : Why would that make you nervous? How do you know that?

_ HARRY stalls, not wanting to reveal his plans of revenge, or reveal he may be paranoid. After a moment, he speaks. _

**HARRY** : Some old friends of mine, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, paid me a visit some time ago. I knew from the pity on their faces they were sent to check up on me—I haven’t seen them in some time, and I figured they wouldn’t come of free will, I don’t know. They didn’t show for the funeral or my uncle’s coronation, so… anyway, they revealed the King and Queen had sent them to talk to me. 

**NIALL** :  _ [scoffs]  _ Some friends.

**HARRY** :  _ [lies partially]  _ I wish they would let me be. 

**LIAM** : Perhaps they only care for your well-being?

**HARRY** : The King only cares about himself. My incestuous mother is immensely shallow, she follows whatever he says blindly.

**NIALL** : Is it incest, though? Like, technically?

**ZAYN** : Yeah, actually, is it? 

**LOUIS** : You can’t argue that it’s weird.

**NIALL** : But they aren’t  _ related _ .

**ZAYN** : By marriage they are.

**NIALL** : They’re not blood-related though.

**LIAM** : I think it counts. Wouldn't it bother you if your hypothetical wife married your brother after your death?

**NIALL** : I’m not saying it isn’t weird, I’m just trying to figure out the technicalities of that.

**LOUIS** : That’s a wasteful thought. Bluntly; it’s odd.

**NIALL** : Fair.

**HARRY** : Even worse is how the marriage came to be. How my mother so ruthlessly went from one man to another without a second glance. And I’m supposed to refer to my uncle as my father.

**NIALL** : So, he’s… your uncle-father.

**LIAM** : And… the Queen is your mother-aunt?

**ZAYN** : Aunt-mother?

**NIALL** : That makes it sound like her name is Mother.

**ZAYN** : So does uncle-father.

**NIALL** : Perhaps Dadcle and Momnt.

**ZAYN** : No, definitely not that.

**LIAM** : Unclad and Aunom?

**ZAYN** : That’s even worse.

**NIALL** : Or Fatcle and Moaunt.

**LIAM** :  _ [laughs]  _ He is fat, that could work.

**HARRY** : I refuse to refer to the King as my father. He murdered mine in cold blood.

**LOUIS** : But we can’t prove that.

**HARRY** : Perhaps we can; there’s going to be a play tomorrow, and I’ve asked the players to perform “The Murder of Gonzago”.

**NIALL** : Murder: Gonzago. Hotel: Trivago.

**ZAYN** : What goes on inside your brain, I wonder.

**LIAM** : Trivago? Is that Italian?

**HARRY** :  _ [confused, then recovers]  _ Anyway… I also asked if they would add some lines I’ve written to stick into the play. It’s about twelve to sixteen lines, and it’ll depict a scene that resembles my father’s murder.

**LIAM** : Will the King and Queen be there?

**HARRY** : Precisely.

**LIAM** : Ah, so we can gauge their reaction!

**ZAYN** :  _ [mocking]  _ You’re so smart, Liam. So intelligent, so educated.

**LIAM** : If I were a stupider man I would think you were complimenting me.

**ZAYN** : “Stupider.”

**NIALL** : Now, now, children. Play nice.

**LOUIS** : But what will you do if the King reacts in the way you’re hoping to see?

_ HARRY stalls once more. _

**HARRY** :  _ [lies]  _ Then I’ll have my answer, and we can put him on trial for treason.

**NIALL** :  _ [deadpan]  _ You’re gonna have the Ghost be your witness?

**LOUIS** : You won’t have a trial without any substantial evidence. 

**HARRY** : I could have all of you stand witness to the murder.

**LIAM** : You would make us lie? With our hands on the Bible as we make an oath to  _ not _ ?

**LOUIS** : Darling,  _ Jeg elsker dig _ , but I refuse to do that. 

**ZAYN & NIALL & LIAM** : Ditto.

**NIALL** : Well, I don’t  _ love _ you like Louis loves you, but, yeah.

**HARRY** : Then what do you suggest we do, my golden sun?

_ Silence; then— _

**NIALL** : Murder?

**EVERYONE BUT NIALL** : NO!

**LOUIS** : We won’t stoop to that level.

**LIAM** : That’s regicide. Treason. That would get every one of us killed.

**HARRY** : Death is what I crave most.

**NIALL** : Okay, emo boy. Calm down.

**ZAYN** : I thought what you crave most is Louis’ ass?

**HARRY** :  _ [alarmed]  _ Dude! I told you that in secret!

**LOUIS** :  _ [blushes]  _ You think I have a nice ass?

**NIALL** : Doth possesses thy juiciest ass in all of Denmark, milord.

**ZAYN** : Why are you the way that you are?

**NIALL** : The question of the century. And story.

**LOUIS** : Anyway… we can figure out what to do when we get to that point. But this is good; this’ll prove that both the Ghost was real and that what he told you was true. And if the King says or does nothing, then there is nothing to worry about.

**HARRY** : Other than that my mother lies with my uncle every night.

**LOUIS** : Well… yeah, there’s that.

**LIAM** : May we attend, sir?

**HARRY** : If you’d like.

**LIAM** :  _ [excited]  _ Yay!

**ZAYN** : Will Ophelia be there?

**HARRY** : The idiot Polonius will be in attendance, so I can assume yes.

**LOUIS** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Lovely.

**ZAYN** : Perhaps you can reconcile with her, be nice and stuff.

**LOUIS** : How about no?

**HARRY** : I can’t promise anything.

**ZAYN** : Can’t or won’t?

**HARRY** :  _ [unamused]  _ Ha, ha. 

**ZAYN** : Well then. Say, gentlemen, shall we do a bit of riding?

**LIAM** : Right now?

**ZAYN** : Sure, why not?

**LIAM** : It’s about to rain; look, the clouds outside have turned a glaring grey.

**NIALL** : Sounds like the shitty name of a paint found in “Better Homes & Gardens”.

_ ZAYN stares at NIALL, unblinking. _

**HARRY** : You all may go. I’m going to stay here and brood for a while, as is my character’s personality.

**LOUIS** : Oh, enough of that. You’ve already walked the throne room in sulk for four hours. Come riding, please.

**HARRY** : If you insist.

**ZAYN** : Right then. Let’s head off!

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT III. SCENE III.   
_ A room in the castle. _ _  
_ _ HARRY and LOUIS lay cozy in bed. It is late in the evening. _

**HARRY** :  _ [nervous]  _ Louis.

**LOUIS** : Hmm?

**HARRY** : A thought has been plaguing my mind. I’m feeling… guilty.

**LOUIS** : Guilty?

**HARRY** : I may have lied to you.

**LOUIS** :  _ [hurt] _ But you said you’d never lie to me.

**HARRY** : Well, actually, I withheld some information from you.

**LOUIS** : Oh. Alright. I suppose that’s different.

**HARRY** :  _ [hesitant]  _ I know what I’d do should the King be guilty.

**LOUIS** : And what is that?

**HARRY** :  _ [quickly]  _ I’m going to murder him, for it is my ghostly father’s wish. I vowed I would.

**LOUIS** :  _ [stunned]  _ I don’t know about this…

**HARRY** : What do you think about it, then?

**LOUIS** : I think it’s a mistake. I think bad things come to those who do bad things. 

**HARRY** : So you’re saying I should leave it to God?

**LOUIS** : That’s exactly what I’m saying.

**HARRY** : But am I not an extension of God as the Prince of Denmark?

**LOUIS** :  _ [shrugs]  _ Good point. You’ve convinced me. So when do we do it?

**HARRY** :  _ [startled]  _ Sorry, what?

**LOUIS** : I won’t let you commit treason alone. And besides, after that whole conversation with the others, I presumed you’d go with regicide.

**HARRY** : But you said—

**LOUIS** : I know what I said. Niall wasn’t serious about suggesting murder; I’m not daft. But I  _ am _ clever. 

**HARRY** :  _ [insecure]  _ Do you think I’m crazy?

**LOUIS** : I think you’re stressed out of your mind. To see your dead father’s ghost is already a lot to take in, but for him to ask you to commit such a sin? I don’t blame you for your crazed behavior. I simply worry, as any would.

**HARRY** :  _ [relieved]  _ Sometimes I pretend to be crazy, like I did with Polonius that one time, just to get a kick out of those old bastards.

**LOUIS** :  _ [laughs]  _ That was quite funny.

_ They laugh as they share a kiss. LOUIS rolls on top of HARRY, who runs his fingers down LOUIS’ bare back. The sheets cover their legs. LOUIS has his face tucked into HARRY’s neck, kissing the skin. _

**HARRY** :  _ [serious]  _ Louis. I do not require you to do this to prove anything, that you love me or, at the very least, are loyal. I know you are. You don’t need to commit a heinous sin with me.

**LOUIS** :  _ [seductive]  _ Do we not commit sin every night?

_ They kiss. LOUIS sits up, straddling HARRY’s legs. HARRY grips LOUIS’ waist, looking up at him in awe. _

**HARRY** : You are the reason the sun still glows in the sky, the reason honey tastes so sweet, the reason birds sing.

**LOUIS** : How you make me blush. 

**HARRY** : The blush that shades your skin is the prettiest pink I’ve ever seen. My  _ lysende stjerne _ .

_ LOUIS leans over as HARRY bends and spreads his legs apart, grabbing his cock in one hand and holding LOUIS’ neck with the other. They share a kiss. HARRY jerks himself a few times, groaning into LOUIS’ mouth. LOUIS whines high in his throat. _

**LOUIS** : Please.

**HARRY** : Please what?

**LOUIS** :  _ [strained]  _ Harry… 

**HARRY** :  _ [allows it]  _ Open up, baby.

_ HARRY brings his fingers to LOUIS’ mouth, who opens and coats his fingers in spit. HARRY brings his fingers to LOUIS’ opening. Slowly, he pushes one finger in. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [breathless]  _ Oh, fuck.

**HARRY** : Already so responsive, so pretty, I wish you could see what I see.

_ HARRY pumps his finger, slow and steady. LOUIS pushes down against him. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [dazed]  _ Another, please, another.

**HARRY** : Not yet.

**LOUIS** :  _ [whines] Vær venlig _ , please, please.

**HARRY** : Patience, darling.

_ As LOUIS ruts against HARRY’s finger, HARRY uses his other hand to dig around in a bedside drawer. Inside, he grabs a tube of olive oil. He inserts another finger when he lays back down properly, rubbing his other hand along LOUIS’ trembling back. _

**HARRY** : Feels good?

**LOUIS** :  _ [dazed]  _ A-Always.

_ HARRY sucks at the front of LOUIS’ neck, who throws his head back in ecstasy. When LOUIS’ legs begin to shake, HARRY adds a third finger. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [loud] _ Fucking fuck!

_ HARRY jerks himself more, letting the pre-come glide his movements. LOUIS gasps for air. _

**LOUIS** : Fuck me,  _ vær venlig _ .

**HARRY** :  _ [slow on purpose] _ Is that what you want?

**LOUIS** :  _ [annoyed]  _ Yes! Fuck me, lover.

**HARRY** :  _ [laughs]  _ As you wish. Lay down for me.

_ As HARRY removes his fingers, LOUIS falls onto his back, chest heaving. HARRY moves LOUIS’ knees apart, spreading him open. LOUIS’ cock is red and angry, a vein popping as HARRY coats LOUIS’ entrance with what seems like gallons of olive oil, fingering more inside as LOUIS moans. He positions himself above LOUIS, who wraps his legs around HARRY’s middle. HARRY leans forward. _

**LOUIS** : You’re a pompous ass for making me wait.

**HARRY** :  _ [grins]  _ I like watching you beg for it.

**LOUIS** :  _ [strained]  _ Hurry up… 

**HARRY** : Why rush? We have all night. 

_ Slowly, HARRY pushes into LOUIS, who moans loudly and throws his head back. HARRY moves gently, one hand holding him up as the other sweeps LOUIS’ hair out of his eyes. He stares at LOUIS in awe, lips parted and wet, adoration on his face. _

**HARRY** : You’re so beautiful, Louis, I do not dare compare you to anything, for they are no match for your beauty. 

**LOUIS** :  _ [breathless] _ There’s not a moment that goes by where I do not love the way you look at me.

**HARRY** : Then I shall gaze upon your face for eternity, if that is what you wish.  
_HARRY pushes further and LOUIS cries out in pain. HARRY stops moving, eyes wide._ _  
_ Love?

**LOUIS** : I’m okay, keep going, I’m fine, you’re just… 

**HARRY** :  _ [cheeky]  _ Big?

**LOUIS** :  _ [breathy laugh]  _ Stop it!

_ They take a shared breath, then HARRY pushes in fully, bottoming out. He stays still for a moment before thrusting at a smooth rhythm, latching his lips to LOUIS’ sweaty skin. One hand pumps LOUIS’ dick as the other holds himself up, but he quickly falls down to his forearm. _

**HARRY** :  _ [out of breath]  _ Feels so good, Lou.

**LOUIS** : Yeah?

_ LOUIS swivels his hips, HARRY groaning from the sensation. He releases his grip on LOUIS’ cock, moving to grab LOUIS’ chin.  _

**HARRY** : Open your eyes.

_ LOUIS obeys. HARRY watches a single tear glide down the side of LOUIS’ face and into his hair. He thrusts harder, deeper while slipping a finger in LOUIS’ mouth. LOUIS’ tongue lathes at the skin.  _

**LOUIS** :  _ [begs]  _ Faster, please.

_ HARRY quickens, moaning in sync with LOUIS. He screws his eyes shut as he gets closer to finishing. _

**HARRY** : I’m gonna—

**LOUIS** : Wait for me.

**HARRY** :  _ [panting]  _ Y-You’re so—

**LOUIS** : Kiss me, kiss me, please.

_ HARRY bruises LOUIS’ lips with his own, their hot breaths fanning the other. Their eyes are closed. HARRY presses his forehead to LOUIS’, mouth open as his sounds grow in volume with every thrust. _

**LOUIS** : Baby, I’m close—

**HARRY** : Yeah? Come on then—

**LOUIS** : Not until—hmph, not until you do.

**HARRY** : Louis—love, no need to b-be stubborn. Let me see you come, baby.

**LOUIS** :  _ [moans]  _ Fuck!

_ LOUIS shoots his hand down to his prick, jerking himself as he comes. Spurts of come paint their stomachs. HARRY’s lips brush against LOUIS’ as he groans, coming immediately after. HARRY pulls out slowly and moves down LOUIS’ body, licking at the white on LOUIS’ glistening skin, sucking it up.  _

**LOUIS** :  _ [trembling]  _ Holy Hell… 

_ After the mess is cleaned up, HARRY moves down to LOUIS’ hips, kissing each protruding hip bone. _

**HARRY** : Beautiful,  _ betagende _ , gorgeous—

**LOUIS** :  _ [smiling, dazed]  _ Says you.

**HARRY** : I could stay like this forever. Blissful.

**LOUIS** : You can, if you come up here.

_ HARRY obeys, laying down beside LOUIS. He throws an arm over LOUIS’ middle, legs intertwining like a lock does a key. _

**HARRY** : Are you satisfied?

**LOUIS** : What an odd question. Of course I am. 

**HARRY** : My only wish is that you are happy. You’re a God amongst mere mortals.

**LOUIS** :  _ [laughs]  _ That might be the most absurd thing you’ve ever uttered from those pretty, pink lips of yours.

**HARRY** : Then give me a reason to stay quiet.

_ LOUIS turns his head, pressing a gentle kiss to HARRY’s lips.  _

**LOUIS** : Will that suffice?

**HARRY** : I would stay silent for the rest of my days if it meant I could kiss you endlessly.

**LOUIS** : There is nothing that could make me want to never kiss you again, to never lie with you as we have this night.

_ They kiss once more. HARRY yawns. _

**LOUIS** : Tired?

**HARRY** : Exhausted. 

**LOUIS** : Then sleep, sweet prince.

**HARRY** :  _ [frowns]  _ But if I close my eyes, you’ll disappear.

**LOUIS** : So dream of me, as I will you, so that we’re never apart, even in sleep.

**HARRY** : Even in sleep.

_ HARRY closes his eyes, tucking his face into the crook of LOUIS’ neck. LOUIS drags his fingers through HARRY’s hair, falling into a blissful sleep. _

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT III. SCENE IV.   
_ Outside the castle, in front of a temporary amphitheater. _ _  
_ _ Enter HARRY and the PLAYERS. _

**HARRY** : Perform the speech as I’ve taught you. Don’t over exaggerate and don’t use too many hand gestures; I hate when actors do that. It makes the whole thing superficial, no matter the subject. Keep your emotions moderate as well. I will not hesitate to have your asses whipped for fucking this up, I’m dead serious. 

**PLAYER** : We’ll do as you say, Your Highness.

**HARRY** : Good. Oh, and don’t be tame. Act as you naturally would. Exaggeration in theatre is utter bullshit, it’s fake and I won’t stand for it. Regular theatre-goers will see through it, and it’s them you want to keep entertained. I’ve seen some actors be praised for performances that were so ill-humored that Polonius could play the role. 

**PLAYER** : I hope we do you a great service, sir.

**HARRY** : I don’t doubt that you will. Oh, and don’t let the clowns ad-lib. I don’t need Polonius to have a good time. I fucking hate that man.  
_Exit the PLAYERS. Enter POLONIUS, ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN._ _  
_ Good God, speaking of which.

**POLONIUS** : Good-day—

**HARRY** : Will the King be attending the performance?

**POLONIUS** : Yes, as well as your mother. 

**HARRY** : Splendid. Go tell the actors to hurry.   
_Exit POLONIUS._ _  
_ Why are you two still standing here? Go take your seats, or something.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Ight.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN.  _

**HARRY** : Louis! Darling.

_ Enter LOUIS, ZAYN, NIALL and LIAM. HARRY and LOUIS share a quick kiss. They are all dressed exceptionally well. _

**LOUIS** : Hello,  _ min elskede _ .

**NIALL** : What are we? Chopped liver?

**HARRY** : I’m glad all of you could make it. But Louis is the sunlight that makes the flowers bloom in the orchard.

**NIALL** : Hmph.

**LOUIS** :  _ [blushing]  _ Oh—

**HARRY** : Louis, you take everything life hands you calm acceptance, both good and bad. You’re capable of mixing emotion with reason in just the right amount, a strong quality in a man. Anyway, I’m talking a bit much, aren’t I? 

**NIALL** : A bit, yeah—

_ LOUIS elbows NIALL. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [dazed, in love]  _ Oh, no, please, do continue.

**ZAYN** : Are we witnessing their marriage? Their vows? Is this what this is? Was the whole “there’s gonna be a very important play that makes or breaks the plot” a ruse?

**LOUIS** :  _ [laughs]  _ No, no. Besides, Harry doesn’t believe in marriage.

**LIAM** : Why not?

**HARRY** : It’s a waste of time. God sees all, doesn’t he? Why have a grand celebration when he can see within you and know your devotion to a person?

**NIALL** : He’s also polyamourous. 

**ZAYN** : No he’s not?

**NIALL** : Dude, he was banging Ophelia like two chapters ago.

**HARRY** : I was  _ not _ —

**LOUIS** : Anyway! Guys, go find your seats. I’ll be there in a moment.

_ ZAYN, NIALL and LIAM go and find their seats. _

**HARRY** : Will you not be sitting with me?

**LOUIS** : I’ve already promised Liam I’d sit with him. That poor man, so alone. 

**HARRY** : I know.

**LOUIS** : So sad.

**HARRY** : Truly. Well then, I need to ask you a favor.

**LOUIS** : Anything you need, I’m here.

**HARRY** : I need you to watch my uncle closely when  _ the scene _ begins. I, of course, will be watching, but he will be at my side, and it will become suspicious if I stare at him the entire time and not the play. 

**LOUIS** : I'll watch him as closely as I’d watch a thief. 

**HARRY** : We’ll compare notes on him after all is said and done.

**LOUIS** : Will do.

**HARRY** : Shit, they’re coming. We’ll talk later, love you.

_ They share a quick kiss, then LOUIS leaves to his seat. _

**KING** : Hey big guy! How’s it hangin’?

**HARRY** :  _ [overly enraptured]  _ Wonderful! I eat the air like a chameleon. I’m so full of air, I could float away.

**KING** : I genuinely don’t know what that means. I’m so lost I’ve become like Moses in the desert. You didn’t even answer my question. 

**HARRY** : Well you didn’t answer mine either!  _ [to POLONIUS]  _ Good sir, you performed in less-than-average theatre productions in university, yes?

**POLONIUS** :  _ [slightly offended]  _ Correct… 

**HARRY** : So you admit they weren’t average?

**POLONIUS** :  _ [jeering]  _ Are  _ you _ average?

**HARRY** : I am what a sock is to a frog.

**POLONIUS** :  _ [incredibly lost]  _ Those are just words. You speak and it means nothing.

**HARRY** : What roles have you played?

**POLONIUS** : Julius Caesar, Brutus killed me in the Capitol.

**HARRY** : That was brutish, to kill so capital a guy—haha, get it?  
_Everyone stares._ _  
_ Anyway—are the actors ready?

**POLONIUS** : They are.

**QUEEN** : Harry, come sit next to me. 

**HARRY** : I would rather choke. I’ll sit next to Ophelia instead. At least she’s easier on the eyes.

**OPHELIA** : Please don’t… and you’ve sat down. Great.

**POLONIUS** :  _ [to the KING, aside]  _ You noticed that, right? Love crazy.

**KING** : Would you stop with that?

**HARRY** : My lady, should I lie in your lap?

**OPHELIA** : I would rather drown.

**HARRY** : I meant with my head in your lap. 

**OPHELIA** : Oh, then go ahead, I guess?

**HARRY** :  _ [holding in laughter]  _ Did you think I was talking about having sex with you?

**OPHELIA** : No comment.

**HARRY** : Sex is nice. I love having sex.

**OPHELIA** : Good for you.

**HARRY** : Have you ever had sex? It’s wonderful, with the right partner.

**OPHELIA** : Why are you in such a good mood?

**HARRY** : God—who, by the way, is the best comedian to ever exist—how could I not be? Look at how happy my mother is, only two hours after my father’s passing.

**OPHELIA** : Uh… it’s been, like, four months.

**HARRY** : Has it now? In that case, I should burn all my black clothing, my “moody drapes”, as Louis calls them. Louis and I have incredible sex, you know?

**OPHELIA** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Fantastic.

**HARRY** : I’ll get myself a thick velvet cape immediately to celebrate wearing any other color but black for the first time in two months. To celebrate the end of my depression, I’ll make endless love to Louis on the top of Big Ben in England. Big, get it? ‘Cause I’m big? 

_ Music plays. The pantomime show begins. A king and queen enter the stage, embracing warmly. She kneels before him and resists his passion. He lifts her up and lays his head on her neck. Then, he lies in a bank of flowers, sleeping. The queen leaves after that. Another man comes in, takes the crown from the king, pours poison into his ear, and leaves. The king is found dead by the queen, who screams hysterically. The mysterious killer comes back with others and comforts the queen. The body is removed. The queen is cold towards the killer when he gifts her with fine jewelry and perfumes, but relents quickly and accepts his advances. _

_ Exit the PLAYERS. _

**OPHELIA** : What was that?

**HARRY** :  _ [satisfied]  _ Some mischievous fun. 

_ Meanwhile, several rows behind; _

**LIAM** : Oo, that was interesting. Wonder where the inspiration came from.

_ LOUIS blinks. _

**LOUIS** : Are you… are you serious?

**ZAYN** : Poor lad. So lonely that he’s lost his common sense.

**NIALL** : Is that a thing? That can happen?

**ZAYN** : We’re seeing it with our own eyes.

_ Enter the PROLOGUE (the actor who will introduce the play). _

**HARRY** : This guy will tell us everything. Actors can’t keep secrets. 

**OPHELIA** : I hope he explains that pantomime.

**HARRY** : That, and everything else shown.

**PROLOGUE** :  _ Here in Verona, where we lay our scene— _ um, I mean…  _ We beg you, be patient. Watch our humble tragedy. _

_ Exit the PROLOGUE. _

**OPHELIA** : The hell was that?

**HARRY** : That was short.

**OPHELIA** : It was, yeah.  _ [snide] _ Lasted as long as you do in bed. Poor Louis.

**HARRY** : Ah, and as short as the amount of time I spent doting over you. Poor you.

**OPHELIA** : Fuck you.

_ Enter PLAYER KING and PLAYER QUEEN. _

**PLAYER KING** :  _ We’ve been married thirty years. I’m stating this because the audience doesn’t know that. _

**PLAYER QUEEN** :  _ And I hope for another thirty! But I’m sad you’ve been sad lately, so unlike your usual, happy self. Love and fear go hand in hand for women. You know I love you so, and my fear is as deep. When someone’s in love, their worries multiply. That’s how you know when someone’s in love; when they worry over the little things. _

**LOUIS** : Mood. 

**NIALL** : If you’re heavily worrisome, you should get a worry doll to place under your pillow at night. It’ll soak up all the worry. 

**LOUIS** : Oo, great idea! Do you know where I can find one?

**NIALL** : I’m sure you can find one on “Etsy”.

**LIAM** : Is that a woman? Does Etsy sell face coverings, too? My posts at night are bitter cold, my scarf can only do so much. 

**NIALL** : “Etsy” sells everything.

**ZAYN** : Imagine if we had to wear face coverings all the time during Plague season. Wouldn’t that be ludicrous?

_ They laugh at the hilarious notion. _

**PLAYER KING** :  _ My love, I’ll be leaving you soon. I grow weak each day that passes. I hope to leave you behind honored and loved. Perhaps you’ll find another husband— _

**PLAYER QUEEN** :  _ What?! I could never! A woman who takes a second husband has killed her first. _

**HARRY** :  _ [to himself]  _ Oof!

**PLAYER QUEEN** :  _ Maybe they marry for the money, but it’s never love. Everytime I would kiss my second husband, I would be killing you off again and again.  _

**PLAYER KING** :  _ Oh, my love, I know that’s what you believe, but people change. Promises we make to ourselves in emotional times change when the emotion passes. High amounts of grief and joy may rouse us to action, but then they pass, and things become rational. Love is unreliable. But I digress; what we want and what we get are always at odds. We have our dreams, but it is Fate that decides our future. You think you will never remarry, but that thought will die, along with me. _

**PLAYER QUEEN** : _ May I know no peace in either this life or the next one if I become a wife again after I widow, and that’s a promise. _

**HARRY** : What if she breaks it?

**PLAYER KING** :  _ You have made this vow with deep sincerity. Now please, let me be. I would like to sleep and end this endless day. _

_ The PLAYER KING sleeps. _

**PLAYER QUEEN** :  _ May you sleep well, and pray that nothing comes between us. _

_ Exit PLAYER QUEEN. _

**HARRY** : Mom, are you enjoying it so far?

**QUEEN** : Eh, I think that lady’s overdoing it. This is why they should have women play as women. It’d make more sense.

**OPHELIA** : Oh, the flaws of the time period we live in.

**HARRY** : The lady’ll keep her word.

**KING** : You know the plot? Is it offensive? I’ll whip anyone who offends me, I’m dead serious.

**HARRY** : Nay, it’s all in good fun. All jokes.

**KING** : What’s this called, anyway? 

**HARRY** : “The Mousetrap”. Why is it called that, you ask—?

**OPHELIA** : Not a single soul asked—

**HARRY** : It’s a metaphor, you see. The mouse puts himself into the trap.

**QUEEN** :  _ [worried] _ There’s mice?! I hate mice!

_ EVERYONE facepalms. _

**KING** : No, my dear, he speaks in metaphor.

_ Enter LUCIANUS _ .

**HARRY** : That’s the King’s nephew in the play, Lucianus.

**OPHELIA** :  _ [sarcastic]  _ You’re an expert commentator, aren’t you? 

**HARRY** : Yeah, I could commentate the below-average dialogue between you and a lover; “And then he says to Ophelia, ‘Is this the right hole?’”

**OPHELIA** :  _ [annoyed, sarcastic]  _ You’re sharp.

**HARRY** :  _ [cheeky]  _ Yes, pointy, but the edge can be taken off— might make you moan a little, though. 

**OPHELIA** : Funny. You’re as crude and vile as your manners.

_ Meanwhile, several rows behind; _

**NIALL** : This shit is garbage so far.

**LIAM** : How can you say that? The lady just made a serious vow to her dying husband. She said she would rather live the rest of her life lonely than cheat on her husband. And, boy, do I know about loneliness—

**EVERYONE BUT LIAM** :  _ [exasperated]  _ We know, Liam.

_ Back to the play. _

**LUCIANUS** :  _ Head empty, no thoughts. Well, except for murder on the mind. A bottle of poison in my hand, as I very sneakily go for the kill.  _

_ He pours the poison into the PLAYER KING’s ear _

**HARRY** : Look at that! He poisons the king in his own garden. The king is Gongazo, by the way. The story was originally written in Italian, did you know?

**OPHELIA** : You seem to know an awful lot about a play you claim is bad.

**HARRY** : I’m just observant.

_ The KING stands to leave. _

**OPHELIA** : Look, the King is leaving.

**HARRY** : Maybe he needs to use the restroom?

**QUEEN** : Sweetheart, are you feeling alright? You look pale.

**POLONIUS** : Stop the play!

_ The PLAYERS stop their movements. Everyone stands to their feet. _

**KING** :  _ [panicked] _ Get me out of here! Now!

**POLONIUS** : Lights, turn on the lights! 

**HARRY** :  _ [mock worry]  _ Attend to the King at once!

_ Exit EVERYONE but HARRY, LOUIS, LIAM, NIALL and ZAYN. HARRY looks smug with his hands on his hips. _

**ZAYN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Well that went well.

**LIAM** :  _ [sad]  _ We didn’t even get to finish watching the play.

**NIALL** : Liam… 

**HARRY** : _Let the deer that’s been shot go off and weep,_ _  
_ _While the unharmed deer happily plays._ _  
_ _For some must watch while other must sleep,_ _  
_ _That’s how the world goes._ _  
_ I could’ve been an actor in another life, don’t you all think?

**LOUIS** : Absolutely.

**HARRY** : _For you, my dearest Damon,_ _  
_ _That Jove, king of gods, was_ _  
_ _Thrown out of power here, and_ _  
_ _Who’s in charge? A big_ — _peacock._

**LOUIS** :  _ [distracted, in love, who can blame him?]  _ You could’ve at least rhymed, love.

**ZAYN** : Enough, Harry. This is serious now. The King knows you know what he did.

**LIAM** : Oh, yeah, that.

**HARRY** :  _ [giddy]  _ Did he react when the King on stage was poisoned? I wish I could’ve seen it.

**LOUIS** : I watched him closely, as you asked; he was sweating profusely.

**NIALL** : Ew. Someone fetch the man some deodorant, I bet it’s him who's been stinking up the place.

**ZAYN** : Guys, seriously, we should have thought of what to do if he’d notice—which, he  _ has _ . Harry’s in danger.

**HARRY** : Oh, lighten up Zayn! He wouldn’t kill me, or have me executed for a silly play.

**ZAYN** : If he was willing to murder your father for the crown, would he not murder you to keep that secret quiet?

**EVERYONE BUT ZAYN** : Oh…

_ Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN _

**GUILDENSTERN** : My lord, may we have a word with you? Alone?

**HARRY** : Anything you have to say to me, may be said in front of my friends.

**GUILDENSTERN** : The king—

**HARRY** : Yes?

**GUILDENSTERN** : He’s in his chambers, and he’s marvelously upset.

**HARRY** :  _ [teasing]  _ In his stomach? From all the booze he drinks?

**GUILDENSTERN** : Sir, this is serious—

**HARRY** :  _ [stands straighter, pouting]  _ I am very serious. Macho seriousness.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [annoyed]  _ Can you act normal for one God damn second?

_ EVERYONE gasps. _

**LOUIS** : Watch your fucking tone, Stumpy.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [offended]  _ And you are?

**LOUIS** : Not Stumpy, that’s for sure. How do you find clothing that fits with your stumpy-ness?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : How does the foundation of your home not collapse from your giant ego?

**LOUIS** : At least the walls don’t crumble with every step I take.

**NIALL** : No need to body-shame him, Louis.

**LOUIS** : I do what I damn well please.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ And I love it.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [realization]  _ You must be Louis—

**GUILDENSTERN** : —with the nice ass… not that I was looking at it. Just… reiterating what Harry said.

**LOUIS** : And you two must be the “friends” that didn’t bother showing up for your own friend’s father’s funeral. A pleasure.

_ NIALL, LIAM and ZAYN “Ooo!” immaturely. _

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I’ll beat your fucking ass, shorty!

**LOUIS** : Ha! I’d like to see those clammy hands of yours try.

_ Before that can happen, HARRY and ZAYN grab LOUIS’ arms, holding him back as GUILDENSTERN holds ROSENCRANTZ. _

**ZAYN** : Enough of this! How old are we, twelve?

**NIALL** : As enjoyable as that would be to witness, can we get back to the subject at hand? The king?

**HARRY** :  _ [to GUILDENSTERN]  _ Tell me what you’ve come to say, then leave.

_ LOUIS and ROSENCRANTZ are released from their restraints, ROSENCRANTZ sneering in LOUIS’ direction. LOUIS smirks. _

**GUILDENSTERN** : Right, I’ll be brief; the queen is also upset, and sent Rosencrantz and I to fetch you. She’s astonished by your behavior and wishes to speak with you at once, in her bedroom.

**HARRY** : Alright, you may leave. Thank you.  
_Exit GUILDENSTERN. ROSENCRANTZ stalls._ _  
_ Why do you stall, Rosencrantz?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Could we…  _ [glances at LOUIS]  _ speak alone?

**HARRY** : No. Say what you have to say right here.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Alright… I simply believe you may dislike me.

**NIALL** : You might be right about that, bud.

**HARRY** :  _ [sarcastic]  _ Of course not! 

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Why are you acting like this? You do no good to yourself keeping things inside.

**ZAYN** : And you know he’s keeping things to himself, since you’re such a wonderful friend?

**HARRY** : Zayn, I appreciate it, but allow me; Rosencrantz, I will admit, as I did to you before, I do feel confused at times, but my mind is as clear as water in this moment.   
_Enter PLAYERS with recorders in their hands. He gets an idea._ _  
_ Oo, a recorder! Let me see one?   
_One of them hands him their recorder._ _  
_ Thank you. Here, Rosencrantz, play this.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Uh, I don’t know how.

**HARRY** : Oh come on! Here, just blow into the top of it and press the tiny holes with your fingers. Very simple.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I can’t.

**NIALL** : Not with that attitude, boyo.

**HARRY** : C’mon, do it.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I can’t.

**HARRY** : Do it.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I don’t know how to play a melody, sir.

**HARRY** : Nonsense! Look at how you play  _ me _ —using your fingers to push and prod at me, trying to get me to make a peep, a sound of any kind—and yet you can’t play this simple, wooden instrument? I find that hard to believe.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [blubbering]  _ Harry—Your Highness—

_ HARRY steps in front of ROSENCRANTZ, intimidating, eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed. The others relish in ROSENCRANTZ’ humiliation. HARRY speaks low, but loud enough for everyone to hear. _

**HARRY** : You and Guildenstern may think me a fool, think you can push my buttons and I’ll talk. But I am nothing as you perceive me. I am the quick, intelligent and hellish monster hiding under your bed, the nightmare that plagues you in the night, and I can assure you, we are  _ not  _ friends. Do you understand?

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [humiliated]  _ Yes, sir.

**HARRY** : Leave my sight.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ, who scampers out of the vicinity as HARRY runs a hand through his hair, collecting himself. He sets the recorder down in a chair beside all of them. _

**ZAYN** : That’s one way to say it.

**LOUIS** : Quite marvelously, might I add.

_ HARRY smiles, kissing LOUIS’ cheek. _

**LIAM** : Remind me to never get on Harry’s bad side.

**ZAYN & LOUIS & NIALL** : Agreed.

_ Enter POLONIUS. _

**HARRY** : What do you want, Polo?

**POLONIUS** : The queen wishes to speak with you—

**HARRY** : Oh my  _ God _ , I already know that, so your trip has been useless. Go.

_ Exit POLONIUS. EVERYONE is silent for a moment, then _ —

**LIAM** : Now what?

**HARRY** : Leave me, friends. I wish to be alone with Louis. We’ll talk soon.

**ZAYN** : Of course. See you two later.

_ Exit ZAYN, NIALL, and LIAM. LOUIS stands in front of HARRY, expectantly. _

**LOUIS** : What are you thinking? What’s on your mind?

**HARRY** : I feel like I could do terrible things that would make people tremble even in the daylight. My mind grows darker, my hands capable of things before I’ve conjured them. I fear my heart is cruel, I pray not inhumane.

**LOUIS** :  _ [worried, confused]  _ I don’t understand.

_ HARRY smiles sadly, holding LOUIS’ face in his trembling hands. _

**HARRY** : Do not worry for me, sweet love. I just wanted to do this, with no one around.  
_He brings his lips to LOUIS’, caressing his face. LOUIS holds HARRY’s waist, frowning into the kiss. They break apart, LOUIS opening his mouth to speak his worries, but HARRY interrupts him._ _  
_ You’re like a drug, one that calms my scattering thoughts.

**LOUIS** : We should talk about the next step—

**HARRY** : And we will, after I see my mother. Go to my chamber, I’ll meet you there.

**LOUIS** : Alright…  
_He pecks HARRY’s cheek._ _  
_ I love you.

**HARRY** : No matter what?

**LOUIS** :  _ [repeats] Uanset hvad. _

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT III. SCENE V.   
_ A room of state in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN. _

**KING** :  _ [livid] _ I don’t know what’s going on with Harry, but I don’t have the mental capacity nor empathy to care. Get prepared, men; I’m sending you both off with him to England on diplomatic business. As king, I cannot risk his growing insanity.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Of course, Your Majesty.

**KING** : You seem hesitant, why?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : It’s not that I dare disobey my King, my lord, it’s that Harry and I have simply had a falling out, but I will be sure to not let this temporary feud get in the way of our business.

**KING** : Good. You may both leave me now.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. Enter POLONIUS. _

**POLONIUS** : My lord, Harry is on his way to his mother’s room. I shall hide behind a tapestry to overhear things. I bet she’ll chew him out; should I prepare snacks for the show?

**KING** : What? No… but if you do prepare snacks, bring me a sandwich? One with turkey and mustard, no cheese. Add some olives, too.

**POLONIUS** : Yes, Your Grace.

_ Exit POLONIUS. _

**KING** :  _ [to himself]  _ Oh, woe is me. My crime is so heinous it stinks up the place… or perhaps that’s just me? Nevermind that—I would pray, but how can I? I have the mark of Cain burned onto my skin, the mark of a brother’s murder. My guilt is eating at my soul, tearing me apart from within. But… is there not enough water in Heaven to clean the blood off my hands, to forgive my sins? And doesn’t prayer bring forgiveness? I shall pray, then. I will pray that God forgives me.

_ As the KING prays, HARRY walks past the open door. The KING is turned away, facing his throne kneeling in prayer. HARRY stalls. _

**HARRY** :  _ [to himself]  _ There he is, the murderer. My hands shake in want to wring his scrawny neck until his eyes pop from his skull and his skin turns purple, lacking air and life. It’s what the bastard deserves, what my father wishes. How can I refuse my father, the one who gave me everything I have now? How could I let him die in vain? I mustn't, I mustn't.  _ [unsheathing his sword]  _ There he is, vulnerable. Does he think his prayers will save him from the crimes he committed? Does he know that unjust murder is not a simple mistake, that it cannot be undone no matter how many times you scrub your hands clean? I could kill him now, as he’s turned away from me, I could run him through and relieve my aching mind… but not now. Not yet. His time will come. He prays in hope for salvation, but he only prolongs his time left on Earth.

_ Exit HARRY. The KING stands. _

**KING** : I’ve done what I can. My words are in Heaven now, but my thoughts continue to plague me.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT III. SCENE VI.   
_ A room in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the QUEEN and POLONIUS, who runs inside, popcorn spilling out across the floor as he makes his way to the QUEEN hastily. _

**POLONIUS** : I come bearing popcorn!

**QUEEN** : Okay… 

**POLONIUS** : Your Majesty, I shall hide behind the curtains there and listen in on what goes on, as per request by the King. Be blunt with him, as cruel as you can.

**QUEEN** : I will, I’m extremely upset with his behavior as of late.

**HARRY** :  _ [from offstage]  _ Mom? Are you here?

**POLONIUS** : I hear him coming! Let me go hide.

_ POLONIUS hides behind the curtain, a trail of popcorn amidst his rush. The QUEEN sighs, standing from her bed and scatters the popcorn around with her foot. Enter HARRY. _

**HARRY** : Hello—uh, what’s with all the popcorn on the floor? 

**QUEEN** : Am I not allowed to snack once in a while?

**HARRY** : I’ve never seen you eat popcorn once in my entire life.

**QUEEN** : That doesn’t mean I’ve never eaten it before.

**HARRY** : But why now—

**QUEEN** :  _ [annoyed]  _ I didn’t ask you to come to my chambers so you could berate me about popcorn. I’ve called for you because of your unacceptable behavior.

**HARRY** : …okay?

**QUEEN** : You’ve insulted your father.

**HARRY** : You’ve insulted  _ my _ father.

**QUEEN** : Stop answering me so foolishly.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ Stop questioning me so evilly.

**QUEEN** :  _ [exasperated]  _ Harry… why?

**HARRY** : Why what? What’s the problem?

**QUEEN** : Have you forgotten who I am?

**HARRY** : How could I not? You’re the Queen of Denmark, wife to my father’s brother, as well as my mother, which is unfortunate. I wish everyday that you weren’t.

**QUEEN** : How dare you! 

**HARRY** :  _ [more serious] _ No, how dare  _ you _ ! You grieve your husband for three seconds then run off with my uncle into his bed! You’re a disgrace.

**QUEEN** : Leave me right now, I won’t stand for your words. I’ll find someone who can actually speak politely.

**HARRY** : No, you’re going to sit down as I hold a metaphorical mirror in front of you and show you the dark, ugly thing you’ve become.

**QUEEN** : What, you’ll kill me?  _ [screaming]  _ Help! Help!

**HARRY** :  _ [unamused, nonchalant] _ I’m not going to  _ kill _ you, God—

**POLONIUS** :  _ [from behind the curtain]  _ Help! Help her, someone!

**HARRY** : The fuck? Is that a rat?

_ HARRY unsheathes his sword and in one swift motion, stabs POLONIUS through the curtain. Popcorn flies out of his hands, pieces of food hanging from his lips. _

**POLONIUS** :  _ [groaning]  _ Oh God in Heaven, I have been killed.

_ POLONIUS dies behind the curtain. _

**QUEEN** : What have you done?!

**HARRY** :  _ [shrugs]  _ Pest control?

**QUEEN** : Oh, what a senseless, heinous act!

**HARRY** : Almost as bad, mother, as killing the king and marrying his brother.

**QUEEN** :  _ [lost, shaken up]  _ What?

**HARRY** : You heard me.  
_He moves the curtain away, revealing POLONIUS’ dead body._ _  
_ Oh my _God_ , are you fucking serious? I didn’t think you were an _actual_ rat. You belligerent fool, you nosy, bloody busybody! You were supposed to be someone who’s actually important. God _damn_ _it_! _[to the QUEEN]_ Stop wringing your hands like that and sit down, lest I wring your heart.

**QUEEN** :  _ [crying]  _ What have I done to you for you to speak to me so cruelly?

**HARRY** : _[emotional]_ Are you seriously asking that? Look, look at these portraits you hang over your bed.  
_Two portraits of the late king and current KING are hung side by side._ _  
_ Look at father. His strong, cutting jawline and set hazel eyes. Look at the way his curls frame his face just so. _That_ is the face of a leader, a man whose eyes could command any war. Every Greek god had his stamp of approval on him. That was your husband. That was my father.   
_He throws a hand towards the KING, getting emotional._ _  
_ And that is your present husband, a piece of maneuver under my shoe in comparison to my father. Are you blind? Are you daft? How could you set your standards so low after father died? How could you willingly run into his brother’s arms without a second glance? It wasn’t romance, it certainly wasn’t for wealth. Have you no shame? I guess it isn’t shameful to act on impulse anymore. Where is your dignity? Answer me!

**QUEEN** :  _ [sobbing]  _ Enough, Harry! You’re making me look into the depths of my soul.

**HARRY** :  _ [silent crying] _ Are you frightened by what you see? Are you disturbed by the fact that you lie in your dirty sheets and sleep with—

**QUEEN** : Harry! Stop it!

_ He can’t stop himself, blurting and crying as he speaks, tears falling down his face. _

**HARRY** : You could have chosen anyone! But you chose a lowlife and a murderer. You claimed to have loved my father but you wept for what, a few days? And then went and married my uncle! How could you do this to me? To yourself? You’ve fallen so far from where you once stood—  
_The GHOST appears before him, rising in the air above them. HARRY looks up, bewildered._ _  
_ Sweet God, angels protect me! You, you’re back! This is… seriously poor timing. I’m highly unstable at the moment.

**QUEEN** :  _ [sniffling, confused]  _ Harry?

**HARRY** :  _ [to the GHOST]  _ Have you come to scold me for procrastinating on my promise? Tell me!

**GHOST** : Don't forget what you’ve vowed to do. Don’t forget me. Look at your mother; she’s shaken with grief. Keep her from struggling from being overwhelmed with horrid visions. Talk to her, Harry. 

**HARRY** :  _ [dazed, to the QUEEN]  _ How are you, mother?

**QUEEN** : How are  _ you _ ? What are you staring at? You’re staring and speaking to the air. My dear son, you are not well. Cool your overheated mind. 

**HARRY** :  _ [hysterical]  _ Do you not see him? Do you not see him right there?!  _ [to the GHOST]  _ Stop looking at me like that! Go away! Would you rather me cry or sin?

**QUEEN** : Who are you talking to? You’re scaring me.

**HARRY** : How do you not see him?! Or hear him?! He’s right there!

**QUEEN** : I see only you, in distress and clearly not in the right state of mind. 

**HARRY** : I’m fine! It’s you who’s not!

**QUEEN** :  _ [gentle]  _ Harry—

**HARRY** : No! Don’t touch me, he’s going away! NO!

_ The GHOST disappears. _

**QUEEN** : This is only a figment of your imagination, my dear. Sit down, take some deep breaths. Madness will do that to you.

**HARRY** :  _ [openly sobbing, overwhelmed]  _ Madness?! I’m not crazy, I swear, he was just there beside your bed, in the air. For the love of God, mother, my madness isn’t the problem, it’s your darkened soul. Confess to your sins. 

**QUEEN** : You've broken my heart in two. 

**HARRY** : Then throw the other half away and start a clean slate!   
_The QUEEN holds her sobbing son, who’s fallen to the ground._ _  
_ Do not sleep in my uncle’s bed tonight, at least pretend to be virtuous, I beg of you. Say no to his intentions, it’ll be easier to say no later on. Start small, you’ll get there.   
_He points to POLONIUS._ _  
_ I know that’s a problem, but that’s my curse; God wanted to punish me as well as him. I am both Heaven’s executioner and its Minister of Justice. This is bad, but things are about to get worse… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry… Mom?

**QUEEN** : Yes?

**HARRY** : Can you do one more thing for me?

**QUEEN** : Anything.

**HARRY** : Don’t let the king make you admit to my madness; spill the beans right away, and break your neck in the process.

**QUEEN** : But why?

**HARRY** : Because if you do it after he says it, he’ll think he’s manipulated you, but he hasn’t. I’m not insane, or crazy, or whatever you think. But I need him to believe I am.

**QUEEN** : Again, why?

**HARRY** : Because if he knew I was taking revenge for killing my father, or at least, if he knew I was  _ sane _ in my decision, he would get to me first.

**QUEEN** : You can rest easy, my love. 

**HARRY** : But I have to go to England.

**QUEEN** : Ah, right. 

**HARRY** : It’s a done deal… Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are in charge, who I trust as much as I would a rabid squirrel. They’ll lead me to more mischief; let it happen. I’ll get two birds with one stone.

**QUEEN** :  _ [looks at POLONIUS]  _ What are you planning on doing about that?

**HARRY** : He lived life a bumbling idiot and he’s finally shut up. I’ll lug him into the next room, don’t worry about it. Have a good night, mother.  _ [to POLONIUS’ corpse]  _ C’mon, fool. Let’s finish our business.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE I.   
_ A room of state in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING, QUEEN, ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. _

**KING** : Why are you sighing like that? Are you trying to get my attention or something? Where’s your son?

**QUEEN** : We need to speak privately, please.  
_The QUEEN waves ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN off silently. Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN._  
You won’t believe what I’ve witnessed this night.

**KING** : Spill.

**QUEEN** : Harry heard someone behind the tapestry as we spoke, calling out about it being a rat, and stabbed them through in a deranged, insane state. He killed Polonius, my lord. 

**KING** : Good riddance.

**QUEEN** : Claudius!

**KING** : But yeah, that’s… awful. Murder is a heinous crime. His insanity is a danger to us all—I will have him sent to England at once, sooner than expected but I can make it happen, cause, I’m the king. I should have spoken of his insanity as soon as I knew about it, and now I’ve let it go on for far too long. Where has he gone?

**QUEEN** : To dispose of the body. He weeps for what he has done, I assure you.

**KING** : As soon as the sun sets, he’s gone. It’s going to take all my brain power to explain and excuse the murder. Guildenstern!

_ Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. _

**GUILDENSTERN** : Yes, my lord?

**KING** : My dear friends; Harry, in his madness, has killed Polonius and dragged him somewhere we’re not aware of. Go find him, be  _ nice.  _ He’s most likely in a fragile state of mind. We need to bring the corpse to the chapel. Go!

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Your Majesty, I do not think he’ll respond kindly to us—

**KING** : Then get his friend, Louis or whomever he is to Harry. Get some others to help you out as well, I don’t care how you go about it, just be as kind and courteous as you can. 

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. _

**QUEEN** : What will we do?

**KING** : We’ll confer in our wisest friends about how to go about this. Let’s hope lying gets us far enough.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE II.   
_ A platform before the castle.  _ _  
_ _ Enter ZAYN, LIAM and NIALL. _

**LIAM** : So… that’s a no to courting Ophelia?

**ZAYN** : Do you  _ want _ Harry to hate you?

**NIALL** : I think Louis would hate him more than Harry would.

**LIAM** : She seems nice, though? And she’s very beautiful. 

**NIALL** : Listen to me, bud. Looks aren't everything. You could meet the most stunning person in the world, but they could be wretched and cold on the inside, in their heart, where it matters. It’s those rarity’s in life where you find someone who's just as beautiful as they are on the inside as they are on the outside.

**ZAYN** : I had no idea you were intelligent.

**NIALL** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Seriously, I hate you. 

**LIAM** : I appreciate the advice, Niall… I just… I’m so—

**ZAYN** : If you say you’re lonely one more time I will kick you in the shin as hard as I possibly can.

**LIAM** :  _ [frowns]  _ Please don’t.

**NIALL** : I’ll let him do it too.

**ZAYN** :  _ You _ won’t let me do  _ anything _ , I’m a grown man. I make my own decisions.

**NIALL** : Fine. Then I’ll watch and not intervene.

**LIAM** : Understood. I won’t speak of loneliness ever again.

_ Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. _

**ZAYN** : Halt. State your business, Stumpy. 

**ROSENCRANTZ** : We’re looking for Louis.

**NIALL** : Why…?

**GUILDENSTERN** : Harry has… he’s in trouble. We need Louis’ help.

**LIAM** : And you don’t know where he is?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Why else would we voluntarily look at your faces? I’ve seen lovelier piles of shit in the barn.

**NIALL** :  _ [to ZAYN, aside]  _ Quick, kick him in the shin.

**ZAYN** : Niall—

**LIAM** : No need to be hostile, Rosencrantz. What happened to Harry?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : That is official royal business—

**NIALL** : We’re his closest friends, tell us or I’ll have you kicked.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Kicked?

**NIALL** : In the shin.

**ZAYN** :  _ [laughing]  _ Niall, enough.

**GUILDENSTERN** : This is ridiculous. We’re in a hurry, c’mon Rosencrantz.

**ZAYN** : Wait! We’ll tell you where he is. But you have to tell us what’s wrong with Harry, first.

_ ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN exchange looks, then nod. _

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Fine. Harry murdered Polonius in a fit of insanity.

_ Silence, then— _

**NIALL** : Good riddance.

**EVERYONE BUT NIALL** : Niall?!

**NIALL** : What?! He was annoying. He’s all shut up now. 

**GUILDENSTERN** : C’mon, we’ve told you about Harry, now where is Louis?

_ ZAYN groans dramatically, throwing his head back before facing the men again. _

**ZAYN** : Ugh, fine. He’s in Harry’s chambers.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Why would he be in there?   
_ Everyone stares at him. _ _  
_ What? Do I have something on my face?

**NIALL** : If being daft was a physical feature, then yes. 

**LIAM** : Ha, ha. Good one.

**NIALL** :  _ [smiling]  _ Thanks buddy.

**GUILDENSTERN** : Let’s go get Louis, then, before Harry gets to him first.

**ZAYN** : Why would we need to get there before Harry?

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Who knows what Harry could do in this state of mind. 

**LIAM** : He isn’t some… serial murderer. He would never harm Louis. And he must have some sort of explanation for what he’s done.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : You don’t know that.

**ZAYN** : No,  _ you _ don’t know that, because you don’t  _ know _ him like we do. We’ll get there when we get there, whether Harry gets there first or not.

**NIALL** : But… Louis doesn’t know what’s happened.

**ZAYN** : So?

**NIALL** : So… he’s expecting…

**ZAYN** : Oh.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : “Oh” what?

**ZAYN** : Um… you’ll see.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE III.   
_ A room in the castle.  _ _  
_ _ Enter LOUIS, who lays cuddled in HARRY’s bed with pillows surrounding him. It’s getting late; later than LOUIS expected, so he’s slowly drifting off into sleep. He’s smiling to himself, content. _

**LOUIS** : Wonder what you’re up to, Harry.    
_ A soft knock at the door. LOUIS startles into a more conscious state. _ _  
_ Just come in, love!   
_ A knock sounds again, this time louder. LOUIS groans, standing from the bed and waddles to the door, exhausted. _ _  
_ Harry,  _ fjollet dreng _ , you don’t have to knock at your own door—   
_ He opens the door, completely nude, expecting HARRY. Enter ZAYN, NIALL, LIAM, ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. EVERYONE covers their eyes in horror. _

**EVERYONE** : Ah!

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [incredulous]  _ Why are you nude?!

**LOUIS** : Why are  _ you _ here?!

**LIAM** :  _ [covering his eyes]  _ Please get dressed. It’s important.

_ LOUIS picks up a discarded undershirt on the ground, covering himself. _

**ZAYN** :  _ [uncovers eyes]  _ It’s about Harry.

**LOUIS** :  _ [anxious]  _ What’s happened? Is he hurt?

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [blunt]  _ Harry murdered Polonius in a crazed state.

**LOUIS** : Good riddance.

**EVERYONE BUT NIALL & LOUIS** : Louis?!

**NIALL** : That’s exactly what I’m saying!

**LOUIS** : No, but… he murdered him? Intentionally?

**ZAYN** : We’re going to go find him now, the King has requested you come with. He’s hidden the body, no one but he knows where.

**LOUIS** : Fuck… okay. Give me a minute?   
_ He shuts the door on them, turning to face the forgotten bed. Breathing in a shaky breath, he lets a few tears spill down his face. _ _  
_ Fuck, Harry, what’re you doing?   
_ He puts on the undershirt, quickly going through the motions in dressing himself as swiftly as possible. When clothed, he breaths in, slow and deep, combing his fingers through his hair. _ _  
_ No matter what. No matter what.  _ Uanset hvad _ .   
_ He opens the door once more, eyes set. _ _  
_ Let’s go.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE IV.   
_ A hallway in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter HARRY. He wipes his hands off, pupils blown. _

**HARRY** : There. All good.

**ZAYN** :  _ [from offstage]  _ Harry! Harry, where are you?

**HARRY** : Who is that, calling my name?

**LOUIS** :  _ [from offstage]  _ Harry?

**HARRY** : Louis?   
_ Enter LOUIS, ZAYN, NIALL, LIAM, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN. _ _  
_ Ah, my friends! And… my not-friends.

**GUILDENSTERN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Charmed.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Harry, where’s—

**HARRY** :  _ [livid]  _ You will call me by my title or not speak another word in your pathetic existence.

_ EVERYONE steps back slightly, alarmed. _

**ROSENCRANTZ** : …my lord, where have you hidden the corpse?

**HARRY** :  _ [nonchalant]  _ I’ve gotten it dirty. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

**LIAM** : Harry—er, my lord, we need to know where Polonius is, so we can bury him properly.

**HARRY** : Sucks to suck.

**ZAYN** :  _ [unamused]  _ Harry—

**HARRY** : I’m not crazy, or insane, or mad, or anything you want to title me with. My title is Prince of Denmark, and that is all.

**NIALL** : What the  _ fuck _ is going on.

**LIAM** : My lord, you’re shaking.

**HARRY** : Oh, am I?    
_ He looks down at his trembling fingers. _ _  
_ I’m not cold? Why am I trembling?   
_ Tears well up in his eyes. _ _  
_ I’m not cold, never cold. Is it too cold in here for you all? I c-can get someone to light the fireplace, the fire is warm, I am warm, I am not cold.   
_ He looks at LOUIS, eyes wide. _ _  
_ Lou?

_ LOUIS rushes up to him, HARRY collapsing to the ground, silent tears falling down his face and onto LOUIS’ arms. LOUIS holds him as HARRY screws his eyes shut, breathing heavily, trying to calm down. _

**LOUIS** : He’s having a breakdown. He feels remorse, he’s not crazy.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : He murdered someone in cold blood. He’s a fucking lunatic is what he is—  
_ZAYN kicks him in the shin as hard as he can, ROSENCRANTZ gasping in pain, hopping on one foot as he cradles his leg._ _  
_ What the hell?!

**ZAYN** : Call your prince a lunatic again and I’ll be sure you know exactly what one looks like.

**NIALL** : I  _ will _ bite my thumb at you, motherfucker.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I will  _ not _ accept this… this disrespect!

**LIAM** : You  _ will _ show respect if you wish to receive it.

**GUILDENSTERN** : Men, enough! 

_ As ZAYN, NIALL, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN argue incessantly as LIAM watches helplessly, LOUIS comforts a distressed HARRY. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [to HARRY, aside] Min elskede _ ? Can you open your eyes?

**HARRY** :  _ [trembling]  _ I don’t want to.

**LOUIS** : Why not?

**HARRY** : I don’t want to.

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ Okay, baby, okay. Can you hold my hand?

**HARRY** :  _ [sniffling]  _ Okay.

_ He holds LOUIS’ hand. _

**LOUIS** : Good. Do you feel that?

**HARRY** : Feel what?

_ LOUIS places HARRY’s hand to his chest. _

**LOUIS** : Your heartbeat?

_ HARRY lets out a small whine in an attempt to stop crying, squeezing his eyes shut. _

**HARRY** : Yes.

**LOUIS** : Is it beating?

**HARRY** : It’s beating fast.

**LOUIS** :  _ [smiles sadly]  _ That’s okay. Do you want to feel mine?

**HARRY** : Yes, please.

_ LOUIS moves the hand from HARRY’s chest to his own. HARRY ends up laying his cheek to LOUIS’ chest, relaxing. _

**LOUIS** : Can you feel it?

**HARRY** :  _ [crying, confused, quiet]  _ Why are you doing this?

**LOUIS** : To get your thoughts back in order,  _ min elskede _ .

**HARRY** : You think I’m insane, don’t you?

**LOUIS** : No. I don’t, because I know you better than anyone. I mean, yeah, murder isn’t the greatest thing but you were sane when you did it, yeah?

**HARRY** : Yes. I called him a rat.

**LOUIS** :  _ [chuckling lightly]  _ A rat?

**HARRY** : Was I wrong?

_ LOUIS holds HARRY closer to him, kissing his cheek. HARRY still has his eyes closed.  _

**LOUIS** : Not at all—well, the murdering him part, maybe.

**HARRY** : Maybe?

**LOUIS** : Was it an accident?

**HARRY** : Technically, yes? I didn’t think it was Polonius.

**LOUIS** : How?

**HARRY** : I stabbed him through the curtain. I thought it was… you know.

**LOUIS** : Oh. Right.  _  
_ _ He glances at EVERYONE still arguing with each other. They’re paying zero attention to the two of them. _ _  
_ Hey, love? We need to know where Polonius is.

**HARRY** :  _ [sighing, eyes closed]  _ I know… 

**LOUIS** : Even if he was an idiot, he deserves a proper burial like anyone else.

_ They’re silent for a moment, arguments in the background still going strong. HARRY opens his eyes, rimmed red. _

**HARRY** : He’s in the main hall.

_ Back to the arguing; _

**GUILDENSTERN** : How  _ dare you _ !

**NIALL** : Oh, I’m sorry, did I strike a nerve? Do you even have nerves? You’re just a piece of flesh, dude. No brain, just a skeleton and muscle.

**GUILDENSTERN** :  _ [desperate]  _ At least I’m not a lowlife guard with zero future.

**NIALL** : At least I don’t have a stick shoved up my ass constantly. How  _ do  _ you manage to walk with an ego like yours?

**LOUIS** :  _ [interrupting]  _ Guys, the body’s in the main hall.

**ROSENCRANTZ** :  _ [exhausted]  _ Thank fuck. Everyone, let’s move.

**ZAYN** : Uh, no. I’m going the fuck to bed. Gonna smoke the fattest blunt I can roll and sleep like a newborn baby. 

**LIAM** : I’ll join you. 

**ZAYN** : This is no longer our problem. Technically, the king asked  _ you  _ to retrieve the body.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Seriously? Fuck you guys, for real.

**HARRY** :  _ [quiet]  _ No, he’s right. Go ahead, Zayn. You too, Liam. It’s fine. Niall, you can leave as well.

**NIALL** : You sure? 

**HARRY** : Yeah. We’ll talk later.

**NIALL** : The King will want to see you, Harry.

**HARRY** : I know. Goodnight to you all.

_ EVERYONE is silent for the longest time since the night started. Exit LIAM, ZAYN, and NIALL. _

**ROSENCRANTZ** : We need to go, Harry.

_ HARRY stands, dusting his trousers, fully collecting himself and his thoughts. LOUIS stands with him. _

**HARRY** : Louis—

**LOUIS** : Harry, wait—

**HARRY** : Go to my room. I’ll be there in less than an hour.

**GUILDENSTERN** :  _ [rude]  _ Are you so sure of that?

**HARRY** : The king won’t throw me in prison or have me executed.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : And you’re confident of that because…?

**HARRY** : The Danish people love me. There would be an uproar, a coup d’état.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : I find that hard to believe.

**HARRY** : I wonder, Rosencrantz, if you believe in anything at all.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Huh?

**HARRY** :  _ [to LOUIS, aside]  _ Don’t worry about me. I’ll get my way out of it, if that even comes up for discussion. Wait for me in my chamber. I’ll be there to kiss you goodnight, I promise.

**LOUIS** : Don’t promise that kind of thing.

**HARRY** : Don’t doubt my promises.

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ Be careful.

**HARRY** : I’ll try.

**LOUIS** : I love you.

_ HARRY kisses LOUIS softly, a quick kiss. _

**HARRY** : I love you too, my  _ lysende stjerne _ . I’ll see you soon.

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Only a prince would get time to say goodbye to their lover before they die.

**LOUIS** :  _ [snide, loud]  _ Only a jackass with a dick the size of a peanut would find something like an innocent kiss to complain about.

**GUILDENSTERN** : We need to go, my lord.

**HARRY** : I’m coming.  _ [to LOUIS]  _ Keep my pillow warm?

**LOUIS** : Blankets too… no matter what?

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling softly]  _ No matter what.

_ Exit ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN with HARRY, who looks behind him at LOUIS standing in the middle of the hall, frozen in place.  _

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE V.   
_ A room in the castle _ .   
_ Enter LOUIS, sleeping in HARRY’s bed. Moonlight cascades on the duvet, highlighting LOUIS’ face, whose lips are parted as he snores lightly. Enter HARRY, quietly undressing and crawling into the bed. _

**HARRY** :  _ [whispering]  _ Hello, love. Took longer than expected.   
_ He places a long, warm kiss onto LOUIS’ cheek, then one of his closed eyes. _ _  
_ Goodnight.

_ LOUIS stirs, barely conscious. HARRY fits himself behind him, wrapping his arms around LOUIS’ middle and intertwining their legs. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [slurred]  _ H?

**HARRY** : Hi, love. Go back to sleep.

**LOUIS** : Are you going to England tomorrow?

_ HARRY pauses, frowning. _

**HARRY** :  _ [startled]  _ How did you know about that?

**LOUIS** : People talk. _  
__He turns around, eyes still closed_ _  
_ ‘s okay, I’ll see you when you get back.

**HARRY** : You could see me now, if you opened your eyes.

_ LOUIS obeys, squinting, eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiles softly. _

**LOUIS** : Hi.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles]  _ Hi.

**LOUIS** : I don’t want you to go.

**HARRY** : I don’t  _ want _ to go.

**LOUIS** : What if I came with you?

**HARRY** : No, no. You need to stay here and let me know what happens, if anything, when I get back.

**LOUIS** : Will you at least write to me?

**HARRY** : Of course. Everyday.

**LOUIS** : Good… so…   
_ He hesitates, worried. _ _  
_ What happened?

**HARRY** :  _ [sighing] _ Rosencrantz and Guildenstern brought me to the throne room, and the King showed mercy, claiming he cares for me as much as he “grieves for Polonius”, which I highly doubt, but alas. I messed with him a bit, called him ‘mother’--

**LOUIS** : Oh, you didn’t. They already  _ genuinely  _ think you’ve gone mad.

**HARRY** :  _ [cheeky]  _ All in good fun!

**LOUIS** :  _ [worried]  _ Love… this is serious now. I mean… if you were anyone else, this night would have gone  _ much _ different. You know that.

**HARRY** : But it didn’t. I’m fine.  _ We’re _ fine.

_ LOUIS brings HARRY’s hand to his lips, and kisses his knuckles. _

**LOUIS** : I hope it stays that way.

_ HARRY stares at LOUIS in awe, touched by the action, touched by the past events of the night. _

**HARRY** :  _ [whispers]  _ Thank you.

**LOUIS** :  _ [confused]  _ For what?

**HARRY** : For… for…

**LOUIS** :  _ [teasing]  _ Lost your tongue?

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles]  _ No…  _ [serious again]  _ For doing what you did tonight. For staying. For loving me.

**LOUIS** : Loving you is as easy as taking a breath of fresh air.

**HARRY** : I’m sure it’s not  _ that  _ easy. I don’t make things easy for you. I’m… I’m a right mess.

_ LOUIS sighs, shaking his head. He touches HARRY’s face with his fingertips, dragging down to his bare shoulder. _

**LOUIS** : You’re right, things aren’t easy; they’ve  _ never _ been easy. But loving you, feeling content and safe when I’m beside you, no matter what, is simple for me. You’re it for me; there’s nothing else I would rather do than love you.

**HARRY** :  _ [touched]  _ Then love me, lover.

_ LOUIS brings both hands to HARRY’s chest, pushing him onto his back and straddling his hips. LOUIS grinds down once, humming as HARRY grips his curvy waist, pushing his body down onto his groin. Moonlight from an open window glows against LOUIS’ skin. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [groaning] _ Fuck…

**HARRY** : Gorgeous, baby.

_ LOUIS lifts his hips up, leaning forward and catching HARRY’s lips with his own. They kiss, soft at first, but gradually, it becomes more heated, with smacking sounds emitting throughout the room and LOUIS’ tiny whines filling HARRY’s ears. HARRY pushes the sheets down with his feet as LOUIS rubs his hands against HARRY;s cheeks and down his neck. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [slurring]  _ Wan’ you to fuck me.

**HARRY** : Hands and knees, baby, ass up.

_ LOUIS obeys, crawling off of HARRY and onto his hands and knees, arching his back obscenely as HARRY sits behind him, hands rubbing down from his waist to his round ass, spreading his cheeks slightly. LOUIS whines, head hanging down, the muscles of his upper back constricting. HARRY places soft kisses from the base of his neck down his spine, stopping at his tailbone and biting at the skin.  _

**LOUIS** : Oh—

_ HARRY taps LOUIS’ inner thighs, who spreads his legs a tad more. He palms his ass in his large hands, kneading at the skin before spreading his cheeks and pressing his lips against LOUIS’ rim, barely touching the puckered skin. LOUIS reaches underneath him, jerking at himself once before HARRY slaps his hand away. _

**HARRY** :  _ [low]  _ Uh uh, not yet.

_ LOUIS whines but doesn’t argue, instead biting his lip nearly white and screwing his eyes shut as HARRY kitten licks at the pulsing entrance, squeezing the muscle of LOUIS’ ass as LOUIS pushes back into HARRY’s face. _

**LOUIS** : More, please—

_ HARRY dips his tongue in, barely enough to fully enter but enough to make LOUIS squirm and stay quiet. He does that for a while; achingly teasing LOUIS and getting him worked up, holding LOUIS still so he doesn’t push back into him. For a brief moment, HARRY releases LOUIS and leans over his shaking, sweating body to grab his tube of olive oil, letting the cool liquid pour over LOUIS’ entrance, the already trembling boy shuddering beneath HARRY. HARRY leans forward, fingers brushing LOUIS’ parted, slick lips. LOUIS sticks his tongue out before HARRY shoves his fingers in, pulling the hair on the back of LOUIS’ head hard enough that LOUIS throws his head back and eyes closed, drool dribbling down his chin and onto HARRY’s hand. _

**HARRY** :  _ [smirking]  _ Messy, are we?

**LOUIS** :  _ [spitting]  _ Fuck you.

**HARRY** : Ah, no, not how that works.

_ HARRY removes his fingers from LOUIS’ mouth, sliding two of them between LOUIS’ cheeks, pressing the tips just above the entrance. LOUIS groans, panting as HARRY brings his tongue back to the pulsing opening, lapping and swiping at the hole. He doesn’t take any time as he inserts both slicked-up fingers, pumping fast while scissoring his digits. LOUIS lets out a loud moan, subconsciously grinding back into HARRY’s fingers, his pants more vocal than before. HARRY moves his tongue inside, fingers still pumping beside the thick muscle as LOUIS lets out a loud whine, whispering incoherently. LOUIS throws his head back, breathing hard. _

**LOUIS** : Okay, okay, okay.

**HARRY** : Ready?

_ LOUIS nods, lips parted vulgarly, eyes fluttering closed as HARRY grips his hips, rising onto his knees and stroking himself once, twice before positioning himself behind LOUIS. LOUIS shoots his eyes open, breathing hard as he looks behind himself at HARRY, pupils visibly blown even in the dark. _

**LOUIS** : Wait, wait.

_ HARRY pauses his movements immediately, eyebrows furrowed, etched in concern. _

**HARRY** : What’s wrong?

**LOUIS** :  _ [slurring] _ Wan’ you to… face me, look at me.

_ HARRY smiles as LOUIS flips around onto his back. LOUIS pulls HARRY down by his bicep, their lips hitting against each other’s hard, pressing deep, teeth clashing and lips smacking. _

**HARRY** : I love you.  
_LOUIS whines, both from sexual frustration and emotion, a tear slipping passed his eye. HARRY widens his eyes, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone before rising back up on his hands, looking down at him._ _  
_ Why the tears, my _lysende stjerne_?

**LOUIS** :  _ [silent tears]  _ Gonna miss you, so much Harry. So much.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles sadly]  _ Oh, Lou, don’t ever doubt I’ll miss you more, more than you’ll ever know.

**LOUIS** : Impossible.  
_HARRY leans down, placing a tender kiss on LOUIS’ cheek. LOUIS turns his face enough to capture HARRY’s lips with his own, hands moving to cup HARRY’s face._ _  
_ Promise me something?

**HARRY** : Anything, everything.

**LOUIS** : Promise you’ll look at the star Arcturus every night and think of me, and I’ll look to the same star and think of you.

**HARRY** : _[laughing, emotional]_ I’ll talk to you as if you could hear me. You are my _betagende_ , _lysende_ _stjerne_ after all.

**LOUIS** :  _ [finally crying]  _ Arcturus will be our messenger.

**HARRY** : Darling, I won’t be gone long, I’ll be back in your arms in the blink of an eye. It’ll be as if no time has passed.

_ LOUIS nods, wiping fresh tears away, already exhausted as he kisses HARRY, who repositions himself. LOUIS wraps his legs around HARRY’s middle, scooting himself downwards as HARRY slowly pushes through the thick band of muscle, gasping as LOUIS whines high in his throat, throwing his head back against the heavy feather pillows, mouth open wide. HARRY drops his face into the crook of LOUIS’ neck, sucking and biting at the skin there as he bottoms out, LOUIS moaning and rolling his hips. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [encouraging]  _ Yes, baby, c’mon, c’mon.

_ HARRY brings his hips back before pressing back in, thrusting at a comfortable rhythm, the headboard thumping quietly against the wall as HARRY grips at the wood, hair falling into his face as he stares at LOUIS and his bright, blue eyes, ones that shimmer even in the fainted bit of light. He has his mouth parted, sweating dripping off his face and onto LOUIS, who doesn’t so much as flinch. LOUIS’ chest heaves in shallow breaths, his chin lifting up toward HARRY, who moves down to latch onto LOUIS, bruising his pink lips with every touch and wipe of tongue, the taste of olive oil still present in his mouth. His entire body vibrates in absolute pleasure. _

**HARRY** :  _ [incoherent, against LOUIS’ lips] Betagende _ , stunning, beautiful.

**LOUIS** :  _ [incoherent]  _ Love you, love you.

**HARRY** : Love, love, love you most.

_ HARRY quickens his pace, skin smacking against flush skin as LOUIS’ sounds grow louder, the headboard smacking the drywall harder as HARRY closes his eyes, that wonderful euphoric feeling filling his belly. LOUIS drags his nails down HARRY’s back, leaving red, angry marks in their haste. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [breathily]  _ C-Close?

_ HARRY hums in response, licking at the sweat pooled in LOUIS’ collarbone, biting at the bone before bringing his lips back to LOUIS’ where they belong, where they should always be. LOUIS groans against his lips, chin lifting higher into the air as his whines become more frequent in procession, louder and desperate. _

**HARRY** :  _ [raspy]  _ Gonna come for me, baby? Wanna watch you come.

_ HARRY grabs LOUIS’ pulsing cock, using the pre-come and leftover olive oil slick on his hands to stroke him, his fist clicking at the base. One, two, three strokes and LOUIS comes, thick hot spurts shooting against he and HARRY’s stomachs. LOUIS moans, loud and high in HARRY’s ear, the sound alone bringing HARRY to finish, coming hard and quick in LOUIS, his hips slowing as he chases the high.  _

**LOUIS** :  _ [dazed]  _ Fuck.

**HARRY** : Good?

_ LOUIS shakes his head, laughing as he wipes sweat from his brow. _

**LOUIS** : Why do you always ask that? I’ll let you know when things aren’t…  _ satisfactory _ , I promise.

_ HARRY lays flat on top of LOUIS, pressing slow kisses to the corners of his mouth. HARRY’s eyes are blown shot from euphoria, breaths heavy. _

**HARRY** : Just making sure.

**LOUIS** : Well, I appreciate it nonetheless. Thank you.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles, dazed]  _ It’s moments like now, where I forget what’s going on beyond these four walls. Where I can simply admire you and let myself feel.

**LOUIS** :  _ [touched]  _ I… I don’t know what to say.

**HARRY** : A kiss, then?

_ LOUIS rolls his lips, suppressing a smile as he brings HARRY’s face to his, kissing him softly, tenderly. He squirms after a moment, the drying come on their stomachs turning uncomfortable. _

**LOUIS** : I think it’s best we bathe before bed.

**HARRY** : Couldn’t agree more.

_ HARRY practically leaps from the bed, hauling LOUIS into his arms, his legs thrown over HARRY’s left arm as his arms instinctively wrap around HARRY’s neck, giggling and gasping as HARRY kicks open the doorway to the massive, elegant washroom, their laughter echoing into the main chamber. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE VI.   
_ A state room in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING, writing a letter to the King of England. _

**KING** :  _ [to himself]  _ If you care about me at all, dear King—and you should, Denmark fucking destroyed your asses in that one war—then you’ll do me this great favor; to kill Harry, murder him in a respectful way—well, as respectful as murder can be, I mean, you’ll figure that part out. Do it immediately, it is of utmost importance for my fevered brain. You must cure me of him and his crazed mind that affects me. You  _ will _ do this, England. Until it’s done, I’ll never be happy, no matter the luck I’ve struck… haha, that rhymes. I’m so clever. Clever King.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT IV. SCENE VII.   
_ A seaport in Denmark. _ _  
_ _ Enter FORTINBRAS with his army and a CAPTAIN. _

**FORTINBRAS** : Ah, Denmark! I simultaneously hate it and love it here—I mean, how could I not? On one hand, the late King ruthlessly murdered my father and stole our lands, I’m not petty, I swear—and yet, they have  _ seriously _ good food here, I mean… fuckin’ delicious, Captain.

**CAPTAIN** : Of course, sir.

**FORTINBRAS** : Now, go tell the Danish King I ask for permission to move our troops across Denmark. There should be no problems, but just in case, take this.

_ FORTINBRAS hands the CAPTAIN a mysterious liquid. _

**CAPTAIN** : What is this, my lord?

**FORTINBRAS** : Apparently the Danish King has… interesting habits in the bedroom, if you catch my drift. That should help in persuading him.

**CAPTAIN** : You want me to bribe the  _ king _ , sir?

**FORTINBRAS** : Yup! Even if you don’t have to, give it to him anyway, as a thank you gift. Let us leave, then.

_ Exit EVERYONE but the CAPTAIN. Enter HARRY, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN. _

**HARRY** : Whose troops are these?

**CAPTAIN** : The King of Norway’s, sir. They’re to move across Denmark and invade Poland.

**HARRY** : Who commands them?

**CAPTAIN** : Fortinbras, sir.

**HARRY** : Is he attacking the heartland or simply a frontier?

**CAPTAIN** : A random speck of land, sir. I wouldn’t even use it for farming if it was offered to me, sir.

**HARRY** : Huh. Well then.  _ [to himself]  _ This quarrel between us is like an abscess that grows inside someone until it bursts and kills them, and no one knows why.  _ [back to the CAPTAIN]  _ Thank you for the information, Captain. 

**CAPTAIN** : My pleasure, Your Majesty. Good-bye, sir.

_ Exit the CAPTAIN. _

**ROSENCRANTZ** : Can you come along now and stop brooding?

**HARRY** : What—? I wasn’t even… _[sighs, frustrated]_ Yeah, whatever. I’ll be there in a moment. Go on without me.  
_Exit EVERYONE except HARRY._ _  
_ Holy fuck, I am useless. I mean, twenty thousand troops are about to march to their death, and I can barely get on with my revenge. What kind of man am I? All I do is sleep and eat and fuck, what kind of life is that? Who am I, but the son of a murdered father and defiled mother? Louis wouldn’t think that; he would probably compare me to a summer’s day, or something super poetic like that. And yet, even as I’ve procrastinated in my vow to my father, Louis stands by me, supporting me the entire way; what kind of lover have I been to him, to keep him… keep him constantly on edge, not expecting what’s to come next? Fuck. But, hey, at least I intercepted that letter from the King to England, yeah? I’m sure Louis would be proud of my stealthing skills, very impressed, I think.

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT IV. SCENE VIII.   
_ A room in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter LOUIS, NIALL, ZAYN, and LIAM. _

**NIALL** : That was… a mess.

**ZAYN** : Not only has Ophelia gone completely mad, but now Laertes wants his revenge. 

**LOUIS** :  _ [pale]  _ He’s going to murder Harry. He doesn’t know it’s Harry yet, right? Right? I don’t even know what Laertes looks like, how would I be able to look out for him?

_ EVERYONE is silent. Then; _

**NIALL** : Murder Laertes first?

**EVERYONE BUT NIALL** : NO?!

**NIALL** : Hey! It was a reasonable suggestion!

**LOUIS** : God, I’m about to have to write an entire novel to Harry about this. Now that Laertes’ is here, he’ll need to prepare.

**ZAYN** : How on Earth will he prepare for this kind of thing?

**LOUIS** : I promised I would write to him. It’ll be up to him on how to prepare for Laertes.  
_A knock at the door._ _  
_ Come in!

_ Enter a SAILOR.  _

**SAILOR** : Sorry to bother you, sir. I have a letter for you, from the ambassador Lord Harry. If your name’s Louis, then this is for you.

_ The SAILOR hands LOUIS the letter as LOUIS bites his lip to contain his excitement. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [touched]  _ Harry… 

**NIALL** :  _ [mock gags]  _ Sickening.

**LIAM** : _[frowning]_ I think it’s quite endearing… if only I had—  
_ZAYN throws his leg back, ready to kick LIAM in the shin. LIAM raises his hands up, eyes wide._ _  
_ Not saying another word!

 _LOUIS_ _opens the letter with a metal letter opener on his desk, fingers fumbling with the paper as he opens it fully. He scans the paper, fingers tracing HARRY’s inked handwriting. Tears immediately well in his eyes._

**NIALL** : Are you not going to read it aloud?

**LOUIS** : Oh, right.  _ [reading the letter aloud]  _ “Dear Louis, my  _ lysende stjerne _ ,  _ mit alt _ ; a  _ lot _ has happened since I left. Before I begin, however, the sailors who’ve brought this to you have letters for the King and Queen as well. Please be sure to have them delivered for me. As I was saying; things were going well, until a pirate ship attacked us. We were too slow to escape, so we stood our ground—er, ship, and fought. In the end, I found myself upon pirates, as their only prisoner as they abandoned our ship—“

**NIALL** : Bro, Harry’s a pirate now?!

**LIAM** :  _ [annoyed]  _ Let him finish!

**LOUIS** : Anyway…  _ [reading]  _ “abandoned our ship… they know who I am, seeing as that must be the only reason I’m still alive. They’ve used it to their advantage; they’re using me for some kind of favor. I’ve got things to tell you that’ll make you speechless, and it’s not even half the story. But you must know, for these past few nights, I have looked upon Arcturus, as you’ve requested; I hope you’ve done the same—I  _ know _ you’ve done the same. thought of you, you who’s given me courage and strength. I see your face in my sleep and I….”

**ZAYN** :  _ [confused]  _ What else does it say, Louis?

**LOUIS** :  _ [biting his lip, blushing]  _ I can’t read the next part aloud.

**EVERYONE BUT LOUIS** : Ew… 

**LOUIS** :  _ [reading as he speaks, grinning]  _ He requests for my presence; he needs me, he needs me!

**NIALL** : Then what the hell are you waiting for? Get going!

**ZAYN** : Where is he?

**LOUIS** :  _ [shaking _

_]_ He’s at a seaport, not far from here, waiting for me.   
_He sets the letter down on his desk, pacing around the room, fingers carding in his hair. He addresses the SAILORS._ _  
_ But first; come, men. I’ll show you where to deliver the letters as quickly as possible, and then you may take me to the man I wish to see, who wishes to see me.

_ Exeunt. _

. . .

ACT IV. SCENE IX.   
_ A room of state in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter the KING and LAERTES. _

**KING** : My dear Laertes, now you must see me as innocent for your father’s untimely death. I am your friend here. The man who killed your father is trying to kill  _ me _ .

**LAERTES** : I see… but why not get rid of him the moment you knew?

**KING** : It’s not that simple; you see, the queen, his mother, is quite devoted to him. For better—or worse, however you look at it—she is a part of my life in which I cannot live apart from her. And, the public  _ adores _ Harry, which is super annoying to be honest. I mean, I’m their  _ king _ . In their affection, they overlook all of his flaws, much like his own friends. Anything I could say against him would hurt me, not him, and my feelings are fragile. Do you understand?

**LAERTES** : Yes, Your Majesty… but I must warn you; I do plan on getting my revenge; for my noble father, for my now-deranged sister… who was great before, of course, I loved her to death. But like… especially now. 

**KING** : I don’t blame you, sir. I hope you don’t think of me as so lazy and dull I wouldn’t take precautions against such immediate threats. I loved your father, and I love myself—I mean, what is there  _ not _ to love? I’m amazing.

**LAERTES** : Yes, sir, of course. You’re super cool.

**KING** : See! You get me!  
_Enter a MESSENGER._ _  
_ Ugh, what do _you_ want?

**MESSENGER** : My lord, I have letters for you from Prince Harry. This one is addressed to you.

_ He gives one letter to the KING. _

**KING** : My nephew-son writes to me? Didn’t see that one coming. Who delivered them?

**MESSENGER** : Sailors, and with them a young man named Louis, who stands outside. 

**KING** : My God, that Louis acts like a lost puppy without his lover around. Laertes, I want you to hear what my son-nephew has to say to me;  _ [reading the letter aloud]  _ “Oh Gracious One, you know I have been as you might say ‘set naked’ in your kingdom”— I would never say that, but okay—“Tomorrow I will beg permission to look into your holy eyes and tell you the story of how I’ve returned to Denmark earlier than planned, so strangely and suddenly. Sincerely, Harry.”

**LAERTES** : Short and to the point, I see.

**KING** : What does this even mean? Have the rest of them come back as well, or is this some lie he’s created to taunt me?

**LAERTES** : I’m not sure, Your Majesty. Is it his handwriting?

**KING** : It is, I should know. In P.S. he adds, “alone”. That can’t be good.

**LAERTES** : If I may, let him come. It warms my heart that I’ll be able to look into the eyes of my father’s murderer and spit at him, tell him “You did this.”

**KING** : As you should. If you allow it, let me guide you.

**LAERTES** : As long as you don’t lead me towards peace.

**KING** : Towards your own peace of mind,  _ that _ I promise. I’ll trick him into an undertaking, a death that his own mother will see as an accident. 

**LAERTES** : I only ask to be in on your plans, an agent of his death, if you will.

**KING** : Fine by me. Since you left for France, people have talked—deliciously in front of Harry, might I add—about a certain quality of yours. Harry is quite envious of it.

**LAERTES** : Is it my skill in fencing?

**KING** : Precisely that. A friend I met from Normandy mentioned that it would be a miracle to find someone who could match you. Harry was so jealous all he talked about for a while was how he would want to have a match against you, to see if the rumors I so wonderfully spread around were true. The point of this is, Harry is coming back. He’ll know you’re home; thanks to that  _ sopping rat _ of his, Louis. I’ll need you to stay in your rooms for the time being. It’ll give me time to taint his name and put you on a pedestal in terms of fencing. What proof will you offer—in action, not just words—that you are your father’s son?

**LAERTES** :  _ [livid]  _ I’ll slit his fucking throat in the middle of church.

**KING** : Splendid. We’ll place bets on you and everything, it’ll be a real treat. You can even pick your own sword, so that you may easily choose the sharpest, pointy-est one. Is pointy-est a word?

**LAERTES** : I’m… I’m not sure.

**KING** : Doesn’t matter. It shall be done.

**LAERTES** :  _ [scheming, getting really into it]  _ I will do as you ask, and I’ll even add a bit of liquid poison on the end of it. One so poisonous, no medicine in the world could save the person who’s been scratched by its blade. Even if I graze his skin lightly, he will surely die.

**KING** : I like your enthusiasm, your passion. Now, we shall think about this more in-depth, in case things don’t go to plan. We should have a back-up plan in case… ah, I’ve got it! When Harry gets really into it, he’ll need something to drink, right? I’ll have a cup ready for him. In case he skips your poisoned sword, the drink will kill him. Wait… what’s that sound?  
_Enter the QUEEN, distraught._ _  
_ My Queen, what’s wrong?

**QUEEN** : Terrible, terrible news. My dear Laertes, your sister has drowned.

**LAERTES** : Drowned?! How can this be?!

**QUEEN** : The poor girl was making flower crowns near a willow. Some of the flowers she was using fell into the creek, so she happily dove in, clothes and all. Apparently, she had been humming a tune, as if unknowing of the danger she was in. The clothes absorbed thick with water and dragged her down, and pulled her out of her song, down into the muddied bottom.

**LAERTES** :  _ [crying]  _ What the fuck?! Poor Ophelia, gone before she ever peaked. After I stop crying I’ll be through acting like a woman—

**QUEEN** : Okay,  _ rude— _

**LAERTES** : —I have some fiery words I could speak, but my foolish tears are—

**KING** : —drowning them out?  
_EVERYONE stares at him, offended._ _  
_ Too soon?

**LAERTES** : I should get going. 

**KING** : We’ll follow you. I’ve worked so hard trying to calm you down, Laertes, but I fear I’ve worked you up again. As we leave, we should act like Louis isn’t standing there like an idiot. Oh, what fun! 

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT V. SCENE I.   
_ A cemetery near the castle. Nighttime. _ _  
_ _ Enter two GRAVEDIGGERS. _

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Are they  _ seriously  _ going to give the lady Ophelia a Christian burial after she killed herself?

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : I don’t think it’s our right to question it—

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : No, bro, listen though; she had to know she was drowning herself. Like, here’s a man. And here’s some water. If the man goes into the water…  
_He uses his own two fingers to represent a man._ _  
_ …and drowns himself, he’s the one doing it. If the water rushes towards the man…  
_He uses his other hand to cover the two fingers._ _  
_ …then he didn’t drown himself. It’s facts. 

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : Is that how the law sees it, then?

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Yup. 

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : Since we’re talking about it… if what you say is true, then the only reason she’s getting a Christian burial is because she’s rich. 

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Exactly! It’s ridiculous that the wealthy have more freedom in hanging or drowning themselves than us  _ good  _ Christians do. Now c’mon, shovel. The most ancient aristocrats are gardeners, ditch-diggers, and us, gravediggers. Like Adam was.

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : Adam, from the Bible? He was an aristocrat? With a coat of arms?

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : No, but he  _ was _ the first person to ever have arms.

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : He didn’t have any.

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Any what, arms? Dude, he was a  _ human _ . Let me ask you question—

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : —Bro, I just wanna do my job and go home—

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : —What do you call a person who builds stronger things than a carpenter?

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** :  _ [indulges him]  _ The one who builds the gallows to hang people on?

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Bah! You’re funny, I like that. If it wasn’t a mortal sin for men to have affection toward other men, I would kiss you right here, right now.

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : I’m married. To a woman. I have three children.

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : And?  
_Enter HARRY and LOUIS in the distance. LOUIS holds a torch lamp in his hand._ _  
_ Speaking of the gays…

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : Wouldn’t it be odd if cities celebrated all their gay citizens in an array of parades during the summer season of some kind? Like, everyone would dress up and kiss each other on the streets?

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Ha, ha! Hilarious! You’re so funny, seriously, come give me a kiss. No homo.

**SECOND GRAVEDIGGER** : I will do no such thing.

**FIRST GRAVEDIGGER** : Fine then. Go get me some booze.

_ Exit the SECOND GRAVEDIGGER. The FIRST GRAVEDIGGER sings a song happily as he shovels dirt. HARRY and LOUIS watch him from afar. _

**HARRY** : How odd. The man is singing as he digs a literal grave.

**LOUIS** : Perhaps he’s become desensitized to it all.

**HARRY** : Good point. Those of us who don’t work have the luxury to be sensitive to things, I guess.

**LOUIS** : That’s true…  _ [glances at HARRY]  _ What are we doing here again?

**HARRY** : I’m saying goodbye to a friend. Ophelia and I may have had our issues but she still deserves a proper goodbye. 

**LOUIS** : That’s kind of you.

**HARRY** : I suppose. I mean, I _think_ this is where she’s being put to rest.  
_The GRAVEDIGGER shovels up a skull, which flies into the air and lands somewhere in the distance._ _  
_ That skull held the brain of a real human once. The jackass is throwing it around like it’s nothing, as if it never held the mind of someone like you or me!

**LOUIS** : He’s just doing his  _ job _ , Harry—

**HARRY** : But it could have been the skull of a politician once, or a courtier, or even a simple farmer who loved his family and was devoted to his wife. And now we’ll never know. 

**LOUIS** : That’s a lovely thought.

**HARRY** : It makes my own bones ache at the thought that years after we die, we’ll be thought of as this, just another piece of debris in the way of some gravedigger’s work. Will our remains be worth nothing?

**LOUIS** :  _ [thoughtful]  _ I like to think it isn’t our remains that matter most, but the story, the legacy we leave behind.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles sadly]  _ What a boring legacy I would leave behind.

**LOUIS** :  _ [eyes wide]  _ Nonsense! Your life has yet to be boring, it has never  _ been _ boring. 

_ HARRY cups LOUIS’ face tenderly. _

**HARRY** : To you, yes. But to the Danish? I’m just another prince, another king who’ll probably make mistakes and die old and alone in my cold bed without having changed much of anything.

**LOUIS** :  _ [upset] _ Perhaps that’ll be the truth, but you won’t be alone, that’s where you’re wrong. I’ll be right there beside you, holding your hand as we take our last breath together as one. 

**HARRY** : _[frowning]_ I suddenly don’t like this conversation. The thought of you dying is…   
_They’re silent for a while, staring at each other, tears prickling in the corners of HARRY’s eyes. He dabs them away with his thumbs, smiling down at LOUIS._ _  
_ In this moment, you’re alive and breathing and that alone makes you wonderful. You could just sit here and look pretty and I would do anything for you. You’re _mit alt_.

**LOUIS** :  _ [chuckling]  _ You’re too kind to me.

**HARRY** : Never kind enough.

**LOUIS** : Wrong again. What’s up with you being wrong lately?

**HARRY** : _[cheeky]_ Dunno.  
_The GRAVEDIGGER shovels up another skull, this time the skull landing in front of HARRY._ _  
_ My God, there he goes again without a care in the world. I need to speak with this guy—excuse me, sir?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Yes?

**HARRY** : Whose grave is this? 

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Mine, sir.

**HARRY** : Well you  _ are  _ lying in it.

**GRAVEDIGGER** : And you lie outside of it, so it’s not yours. I’m not lying to you in it, it really  _ is _ mine.

**HARRY** : But you  _ are _ lying in it, saying it’s yours when clearly it’s not, unless I’m speaking to a zombie right now.

**LOUIS** : I think he means he’s the one digging the grave—

**GRAVEDIGGER** : That’s a lively lie, sir. 

**HARRY** :  _ [confused]  _ What man are you digging it for?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Not a man.

**HARRY** : A woman, then?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Not a woman, either.

**HARRY** :  _ [frustrated]  _ If not a man nor woman, then whom?

**LOUIS** : If Niall were here, I think he would mention something about “non-binary people”, whatever that means.

**HARRY** : Who is being buried here, then?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : One who used to be a woman, but bless her soul, is dead.

**LOUIS** : No shit she’s dead—

**HARRY** :  _ [to LOUIS, aside]  _ He’s quite the literal man, huh?  _ [to the GRAVEDIGGER] _ How long have you been a gravedigger, sir? Just curious.

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Ah, curiosity, a dangerous thing. I started the day the late King Harry defeated Fortinbras.

**HARRY** : How long ago was that?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : How do you  _ not _ know? Any fool could tell you, it’s the day young Harry was born, the one who went mad and was sent off to England, the poor lad.

**LOUIS** :  _ [to HARRY, aside]  _ He doesn’t know who you are, use it to your advantage.

**HARRY** :  _ [to LOUIS, aside] _ Right.  _ [to the GRAVEDIGGER, relaxed]  _ Why was he sent to England?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Because he was crazy. He’ll recover his sanity there, but if he doesn’t, it won’t matter, everyone in England is crazy.

**HARRY** : Ah. And do you know how he went mad?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : In a strange way.

**HARRY** : What do you mean?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : He lost his mind.

**HARRY** : On what grounds?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : On Danish grounds, sir.

**LOUIS** :  _ [annoyed]  _ My God—

**HARRY** : You said you’ve worked here for quite some time. So you would know how long it takes for a body to fully rot, would you not?

_ LOUIS looks at HARRY confused, but the GRAVEDIGGER goes with it, indulging him. After all, it’s not everyday the man gets to talk about his career. _

**GRAVEDIGGER** : I do. If the body isn’t rotten before it dies, about eight to nine years.

**HARRY** : Interesting…

**LOUIS** :  _ [to HARRY, aside]  _ What makes you ask that,  _ min elskede _ ?

**HARRY** :  _ [to LOUIS, aside]  _ Dangerous curiosity, according to this man here. 

_ The GRAVEDIGGER mumbles to himself incoherently before speaking up loud and coherent enough for HARRY to pick up on it. He points to a skull on the ground. _

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Here’s a skull that’s been here for 23 years.

**HARRY** : Whose was it?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : A crazy bastard. Take a guess.

**HARRY** : …I’m not sure.

**GRAVEDIGGER** : Damn that fool, it’s the skull of Yorick, the king’s jester.

_ HARRY looks down at the muddy ground, a skull beside where he stands. He picks it up with his hand by the top, staring at it curiously. _

**HARRY** : This one?

**GRAVEDIGGER** : That’d be the one.

**HARRY** : _[realization, lips parted]_ I knew this man.  
_He stares at the skull for a beat before looking at LOUIS, face solemn._ _  
_ I was so young when he passed, about three or four years of age. I believe he died of pleurisy. He was quite the clever man, and had a wonderful imagination, carrying me on his back and running around the castle, pretending to be a horse while I imagined myself as a knight in shining armor. This… it makes my stomach turn. I used to kiss this cheek…  
_He touches the cheekbone with his pointer finger gently, letting his finger drag against the off-white bone and back down at his side._ _  
_ …I wonder where his jokes are now. His pranks and songs, flashes of wit that would send everyone into a fit of laughter. He doesn’t make anyone smile now. I wonder if he’s happy where he is, telling jokes to the angels and other souls up in Heaven. I hope he is.

_ LOUIS places a comforting hand to HARRY’s shoulder, rubbing. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [gentle]  _ He must have been a wonderful man.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiles sadly]  _ As I remember him, he was.  _ [to LOUIS]  _ Louis, tell me something.

**LOUIS** : Yes?

**HARRY** : Does it really matter who you are in your mortal life if we all end up in the same ground when we pass?

**LOUIS** : That’s… a difficult question, with an equally difficult answer.

**HARRY** : I wonder if what I do with my time on Earth means anything if I’ll only end up like Yorick.

**LOUIS** : I believe it does.  
_LOUIS takes the skull from HARRY’s hand, setting it down gently on the ground. He smiles up at HARRY, holding both his hands._ _  
_ Every decision we make, whether we’re a prince or a pauper, has an impact on someone in some way. And those decisions don’t die when we do, they continue on for generations. And wherever we end up… it isn’t _truly_ the end, there’s no way. What cruel, twisted kind of fate would that be? 

_ HARRY brings one of his hands up, tracing LOUIS’ features; his eyebrow, cheekbone, down to his lips with his pointer finger, his movements soft, eyes focused on LOUIS’ glittering skin. _

**HARRY** : I hope that wherever we end up, I get to be with you,  _ mit alt _ , for you are the only one I wish to spend eternity with.

**LOUIS** :  _ [emotional]  _ Why do you have to say shit like that in the middle of a graveyard?

**HARRY** :  _ [chuckling lightly]  _ My poetic-ness has no boundaries.

_ LOUIS laughs softly at the made-up word and kisses HARRY softly, hands cupping his face. A quiet cough startled them apart. They stare at the GRAVEDIGGER staring at them, unamused. _

**GRAVEDIGGER** : In all my twenty-seven years of grave digging, I have never seen any couple  _ ever _ try to “get it on” in a cemetery. 

**LOUIS** :  _ [incredulous, embarrassed]  _ We were  _ not— _

**HARRY** : Hush a moment—look, here comes the king and queen, and some noblemen of the court. Let’s stay and watch a while. C’mon, we can hide behind that shrub of bushes over there.

**LOUIS** : Do you expect me to  _ dirty  _ my silk trousers—

**HARRY** : Yup. C’mon.

_ HARRY grabs LOUIS’ wrist, dragging him to the side and behind a bush. Enter the KING, the QUEEN, LAERTES, and a PRIEST with a coffin following them. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [whispering]  _ That must be Ophelia. The plain ceremony gives it away, since she… you know.

_ LAERTES has his hands on his hips, irritated at the PRIEST.  _

**HARRY** : _[to LOUIS, whispering]_ See the one upset with the priest? That’s Laertes. Listen—

**LOUIS** :  _ [whisper-shouting]  _ The one who wants you dead?!

**HARRY** :  _ [unbothered]  _ Precisely, now hush.

**LAERTES** : What other rites are you going to give her?

**PRIEST** : I’ve performed as many rites as permitted, sir. Her death was suspicious and if not for the king’s orders for her to be buried here, then it would not have been done.

**LAERTES** :  _ [frustrated]  _ There isn’t any other rite that can be done?

**PRIEST** : The only right that  _ could _ have been done is not drowning herself.

**LAERTES** : Was that supposed to be funny?

**PRIEST** :  _ [calm]  _ No, no… we would disgrace the other souls here if we performed the same rites on her as we did the others. 

**LAERTES** :  _ [sad]  _ Please, just, lay her in the ground already. Ophelia will be an angel in heaven while her killer howls in hell.

_ HARRY grimaces at his words. The QUEEN tosses flower petals into the gravesite, the GRAVEDIGGER watching unamused. _

**QUEEN** : Oh, sweet angel! You will surely be missed. I had hoped one day you would be my Harry’s wife, and that I would be throwing flowers on your wedding bed instead of your grave. How cruel fate is.

_ LOUIS mimics a gagging sequence and HARRY slaps at his hand, biting his lip to hold in a laugh. _

**HARRY** :  _ [whispering]  _ Don’t be rude.

**LOUIS** :  _ [whispering]  _ It’s just unfortunate that they  _ really _ thought you and Ophelia would get together. Let the poor girl rest without stupid notations about her life.

**HARRY** :  _ [whispering]  _ Fair.

_ The coffin is lowered into the ground. LAERTES stands at the side of it, peering in. _

**LAERTES** : Curse the wicked man whose heinous crime deprived you of a long and happy life. The man who stole your purity and love, played you and made you think dumb of yourself. He’s the equivalent to a soiled sewer rat, useless and disgusting. I shall lay with you, Ophelia, as the gravedigger throws the dirt back in. For symbolism. 

_ LAERTES jumps beside the coffin in the gravesite. _

**HARRY** :  _ [whispering]  _ I’m gonna confront him.

**LOUIS** : _[whisper shouting]_ What?! No! Are you _trying_ to get killed?! He’s mourning, let him mourn—

**HARRY** :  _ [normal tone of voice]  _ Nay. 

_ He leaps from the bushes, LOUIS stumbling behind (because— what, was he supposed to just sit and watch the love of his life die behind a fucking bush?), the QUEEN gasping as HARRY takes a confident stance. _

**EVERYONE BUT LOUIS & HARRY** : Harry?!

**PRIEST** :  _ [exasperated, to himself]  _ I don’t get paid enough for this. In fact, I don’t really get paid at all, if you don’t count stealing from the community donation bowl.

**HARRY** : If you’re gonna talk shit about me, the least you can do, dear Laertes, is say it to me directly.

_ He jumps into the gravesite beside LAERTES, LOUIS’ facial expression completely surprised. _

**LAERTES** :  _ [livid] _ To hell with your soul!

_ LAERTES attacks HARRY, throwing him over the coffin to the other side. EVERYONE but the KING begin to panic, the QUEEN nearly fainting and LOUIS kneeling down to the ground, shouting at HARRY.  _

**HARRY** :  _ [teasing]  _ Now that’s no way to pray, is it?

**LAERTES** : I’d spit in your face if we weren’t in front of Your Majesties!

**HARRY** : And what am I? A toad?  
_In anger, LAERTES grabs HARRY by the throat, pushing him against the dirt wall._ _  
_ _[spitting]_ Take your hands off. I may not be weak in anger as you are but I am more dangerous than you know. Take. Them. Off.

**LAERTES** : I’m not afraid of you, coward!

**KING** :  _ [nonchalant]  _ Pull them apart. 

**LOUIS** : Please, love, calm down. This is ridiculous.

_ LAERTES grips HARRY’s throat tighter, shaking him around. HARRY brings his fist to LAERTES’ nose, throwing him back, his nose gushing. _

**EVERYONE BUT HARRY & LAERTES** : Gentlemen!

_ Attendants separate HARRY and LAERTES, HARRY going easily, shaking his fist at his side relaxed while LAERTES seethes in anger. He spits at the ground in front of HARRY. _

**QUEEN** : Men, enough! Harry, what is the meaning of this?!

**HARRY** : I may not have loved Ophelia in the way you all believe, but she doesn’t deserve her own brother making her death all about himself. It’s selfish. What are you going to do for her, Laertes, other than blame me for her actions?

**KING** : Oh, he’s gone mad! Laertes, do you see this?

**QUEEN** : For the love of God, Claudius, shut  _ up _ .

**HARRY** : Did that make you feel better, Laertes? Do you feel better now?

**LAERTES** : I’ll make you pay!

**LOUIS** : This has gotten a bit out of hand—

**HARRY** : Why do you blame me? I always thought of you in a good light but it doesn’t matter now.

**LOUIS** : We should go…

**HARRY** :  _ [scoffs]  _ True right we should go. 

_ Exit HARRY and LOUIS. _

**KING** :  _ [to LAERTES, aside]  _ Don't forget our talk the other night. Be patient. Your time will come.

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

ACT V. SCENE II.   
_ A hallway in the castle. _ _  
_ _ Enter HARRY and LOUIS walking toward HARRY’s rooms. _

**HARRY** : Well. 

**LOUIS** : Well?

**HARRY** : That was a lot.

**LOUIS** :  _ [upset] _ You should have never confronted him, it only made him more angry with you.

**HARRY** : But he was—!

_ LOUIS stops abruptly in front of HARRY, turning around with his hands on his hips, eyebrows furrowed.  _

**LOUIS** : “But” nothing. You acted irrationally. That was stupid—

**HARRY** : Are you calling me stupid?

**LOUIS** : I’m calling what you did tonight stupid. That situation could’ve been avoided entirely.

**HARRY** :  _ [thoughtful]  _ I suppose you’re right. But that doesn’t mean he should have spoken about me in that way.

**LOUIS** : Actually, I think he had every right to.

**HARRY** : What?!

**LOUIS** : You murdered his father—

**HARRY** : —it was an accident and you know it—

**LOUIS** : —but your passion was not. And his death led to Ophelia’s—

**HARRY** :  _ [irritated]  _ That wasn’t my fault! Was it I who poured the water into her lungs? Was it I who pushed her into the creek?

**LOUIS** : No, but your actions pushed her to do it.

**HARRY** :  _ [surprised]  _ Do you  _ really _ think I wanted that to happen?

**LOUIS** :  _ [annoyed]  _ Well now you’re just putting words in my mouth.

**HARRY** : I can read between the lines.  
_They stare at each other in silence, both with their eyes narrowed and stances unyielding. Finally, HARRY sighs._ _  
_ I didn’t murder Ophelia.

**LOUIS** : I never said that, or at least, I didn’t mean to imply that you did.

**HARRY** : But how was I supposed to know Polonius’ death would lead to her insanity?

**LOUIS** : …you couldn’t have known.

**HARRY** : Exactly! Ophelia, in her dazed state of mind, did that all on her own. And I’m sorry it happened, I truly am, but I am not to blame.

**LOUIS** :  _ [sighing]  _ I’m sorry I ever made it seem that way.

**HARRY** : It’s fine… but I do feel bad about how I acted, I’ll try to be more nice to Laertes the next time we see each other… but he didn’t have to act like  _ that _ .

**LOUIS** : It doesn’t matter what we think, because now that Laertes is even more upset, he’s become more dangerous to you. And that’s… a big problem.

**HARRY** : Speaking of problems, I got rid of two.

_ They continue walking. _

**LOUIS** : Are you really trying to change the subject—

**HARRY** : Do you remember how I told you there was more about what happened on my journey?

_ LOUIS sighs, allowing the change of discussion. _

**LOUIS** : Yes?

**HARRY** : Well… I had been snooping through some of the captain’s papers—don’t give me that look! I was curious! 

**LOUIS** : I’m definitely judging you, but continue.

**HARRY** : Anyway, I found some highly incriminating stuff—a letter, from my uncle to the king of England, a precisely worded order to have me executed as swiftly as possible.

**LOUIS** : What?!

**HARRY** :  _ [giddy]  _ Do you want to hear what I did in the meantime? 

**LOUIS** : Your out-of-place enthusiasm about finding out your uncle wants you dead is  _ concerning _ to say the least, but sure. 

**HARRY** : Right, so without a second thought I sat down and wrote a new official document with new instructions, writing that I hope for love between our countries and that we flourish and—blah, blah, some nice stuff. But more importantly, I wrote that the ones delivering the letter should be put to death immediately, without giving them time to confess to a priest.

**LOUIS** :  _ [shocked]  _ Holy shit, Harry. Who delivered the letters?

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling] _ Why, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of course.

**LOUIS** :  _ [repeating]  _ Holy  _ shit _ , Harry! How did you get away with that? How did you put an official seal on it?

_ HARRY lifts his right hand, showing LOUIS one of his rings. _

**HARRY** : The royal seal of Denmark. I had it made into a ring  _ years _ ago when I kept losing my father’s signet ring.

**LOUIS** : I am both intrigued and turned on.

_ HARRY laughs at that as he waves hello to two guards that stand at each side of his door. He opens the door to find ZAYN, LIAM and NIALL sitting casually in the sitting area, LIAM with a cup of tea in his clasped hands. _

**HARRY** :  _ [to LOUIS, aside]  _ We’ll talk more later.

**ZAYN** : Lads, come sit!

**HARRY** : Lovely to see you all… what are you doing here?

**NIALL** : We heard what happened in the graveyard and wanted the tea.

**LIAM** :  _ [excited] _ So I made tea!

_ HARRY and LOUIS take their seats on the couch in front of the others, LOUIS throwing his legs over HARRY’s lap, who squeezes his thigh by instinct. _

**LOUIS** : Harry punched Laertes in the nose.

_ LIAM sets his tea cup on the side table, clapping like a seal at SeaWorld (save the whales, boycott SeaWorld) as ZAYN’s jaw drops. _

**ZAYN** : What?!

**HARRY** : Louis and I hid in the bushes when the King and my mother, along with Laertes and some others, came by with Ophelia’s casket. He said some words so I confronted him. He grabbed at my throat so I hit him in the nose.

**LOUIS** :  _ [unimpressed]  _ All inside the gravesite next to the coffin, mind you.

**NIALL** : God, I wish I had been there to see it.  
_ZAYN elbows NIALL in the ribs, who winces._ _  
_ What was that for?!

**ZAYN** : This isn’t a joke—Liam, stop clapping, this isn’t a puppet show, this is real life. Laertes already wants you dead, this hasn’t resolved anything.

**LOUIS** : That's what I said.

**HARRY** : It doesn’t matter now, what’s done is done. 

**ZAYN** : But it  _ does _ matter, because Laertes most likely has the King on his side, right? The King knows that you know what he did, he’s been able to convince the entire country that you’ve gone mad. And now, with Laertes as someone who can fall on the sword for him should things go wrong, he’s invincible.

_ EVERYONE sits in silence. Then; _

**NIALL** : Murder everyone?

_ ZAYN rubs his temples with his fingers, exasperating. _

**ZAYN** : God damn it, Niall—

**HARRY** : Actually…   
_EVERYONE stares at him._ _  
_ …I may already have a similar idea on how to get rid of the king.

**LOUIS** :  _ [whispers]  _ Are you sure, love?

_ HARRY nods. _

**LIAM** : But not one for Laertes?

**HARRY** : If the King is gone, Laertes no longer becomes a problem, he won’t have a “sponsor” that’ll back him in his plans.

**LIAM** : Good point.

**ZAYN** : So… what’s your plan?

**HARRY** : To kill the King.

_ Silence. Then; _

**NIALL** : Sounds like a solid plan.

**ZAYN** : That’s not a  _ plan _ , that’s an idea. How are you going to go about it?

**HARRY** : I haven’t got the logistics yet but—

**ZAYN** : So you have nothing, we have nothing. We’re still back at square one, as we have been since the play.

**LOUIS** : Zayn!

**ZAYN** : What? I’m not being rude. It’s the truth.

_ HARRY rubs his hand up and down LOUIS’ leg. _

**HARRY** : He’s right, Lou. We haven’t had a real plan this entire time.

**LOUIS** : And now you’ve totally screwed it up with those letters.

**NIALL** : What letters?

**HARRY** : I forged a letter from the King, who had asked England to have me executed, and rewrote it so that it would have Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, the deliverers of the letter, executed instead.

**NIALL** : Good riddance.

**ZAYN** : For perhaps the first time ever, I agree with you.

**NIALL** : I would kiss you right now if it wouldn’t make Liam jealous.

**LIAM** :  _ [lost]  _ W-What?

**ZAYN** :  _ [rolling his eyes]  _ You’re so ridiculous it hurts, Niall.

**LIAM** : Wait, wait, how does that letter screw things up? You don’t have a plan to begin with.

**HARRY** : Now the King knows his plans weren’t executed. He’ll figure out what I did soon.

**NIALL** : Ruh-roh.

**ZAYN** : So then we need to think of something quickly—  
_Enter SIMON COWELL, a hat in his hand. EVERYONE turns to look at the unwelcome presence._ _  
_ Um… hello?

**SIMON** : Hello. Welcome back to Denmark, milord.

**HARRY** : Simon? Who let you in?

**SIMON** : The guards, who else?

**LOUIS** :  _ [irritated]  _ It would be best if you watch your tone—

**NIALL** :  _ [in a country accent]  _ Down, boy.

**LOUIS** :  _ [to NIALL, confused]  _ What kind of accent was that?

**HARRY** : What sends you?

**SIMON** : I have a message from His Majesty.

**NIALL** :  _ [to ZAYN, aside]  _ Who the hell is this guy?

**ZAYN** :  _ [to NIALL, aside]  _ That’s Simon Cowell; he’s most unpleasant but he has a lot of land so everyone treats him with respect. 

**NIALL** :  _ [to ZAYN, aside]  _ Yikes.

**HARRY** : I’m listening… 

**SIMON** : His Majesty wanted me to tell you that he’s placed a large bet on you. There’s someone named Laertes who’s come to court recently—absolute gentlemen he is, totally outstanding, show-stopping, incredible—

**HARRY** :  _ [stops him]  _ Okay, okay, get to the point. Why talk about him like that?

**SIMON** : Sorry, sir?

**LOUIS** :  _ [whispering]  _ Try speaking to him in a different way.

**HARRY** :  _ [to SIMON]  _ What is the significance of referring to this individual?

**SIMON** : Laertes, you mean?

**EVERYONE BUT SIMON** :  _ [exasperated] _ Yes.

**SIMON** : I know you know something about how excellent Laertes is—

**HARRY** :  _ [unamused, sarcastic]  _ Yes, he’s the bestest. What about it?

**SIMON** : He’s excellent in fencing, sir. His reputation remains unrivaled. The king has bet six Barbary horses, and he has prepared six French rapiers and daggers with all the accessories that come with. Three of the carriages are very imaginatively designed.

**HARRY** :  _ [confused]  _ “Carriages”?

**LOUIS** : The hangers for the swords. 

**HARRY** : Oh—wait, how do  _ you  _ know that? I’ve never seen you fence in all the time I’ve known you.

**LOUIS** : My cousin is a wonderful fencer.

**HARRY** : Ooo.

**ZAYN** : Sorry to interrupt, but why has all this been put on the table?

**SIMON** :  _ [to ZAYN]  _ This is a matter between the prince and I, so… 

**ZAYN** : Uh, we’re his friends.

**NIALL** : And Louis’ his friend with benefits.

**LOUIS** :  _ [scoffs]  _ “Friend”—

**SIMON** : I don’t know what that means—

**HARRY** : It means they’re staying to listen and ask questions on my behalf. Now, about what Zayn said—

**SIMON** : The king has bet that in a dozen rounds between you and Laertes, he won’t beat you by more than three hits.

**LIAM** : So Harry has to avoid being hit more than three times, basically.

**HARRY** : I could do that. 

**SIMON** : You could get started immediately if you give me an answer. I can relay it to the King.

**ZAYN** : I don’t know about this, Harry…

**LOUIS** : Is it really a coincidence that the King has placed bets between you and Laertes?

**HARRY** : Nonsense, it’s just a bit of fun. And it’s only fencing, what could possibly go wrong?

_ NIALL begins to count on his fingers, mouth opening, but SIMON cuts in. _

**SIMON** : Will you agree to play against Laertes, sir?

**HARRY** : Sure, why not.

**LOUIS** : Harry, I don’t think this is a good idea—

**HARRY** : I’ve been taking more fencing lessons since Laertes left for France anyway, I should be in good shape. Besides, if I lose, I’ll only have a bit of embarrassment and some scratches.

**LOUIS** : But Harry—

**SIMON** : I will go inform the king of your decision.

**HARRY** : Great, thank you Simon.

_ Exit SIMON COWELL. _

**LIAM** : Are you sure about this?

**HARRY** : It’ll be fine, and it’ll give me a chance to be kinder to Laertes.

**ZAYN** : He doesn’t  _ deserve _ your kindness if he’s trying to kill you. 

**HARRY** : Would he really run me through in front of my own mother? In front of all the witnesses who’ll watch? The king and Laertes wouldn’t plan my death that way; it’s too public.

**ZAYN** : I suppose… 

**NIALL** : It’s your choice entirely, Harry.

_ Enter a LORD. _

**LORD** : Your Highness, Simon Cowell has told the king about your agreement to the match. He wishes to know if you’d like to start right away in the throne room. 

**HARRY** : Whatever the King wants, now or later. 

**LORD** : The king and queen are in the throne room, and will be expecting you there.

**HARRY** : Right on cue.

**LORD** : The Queen has also requested you chat with Laertes before you begin the match, with politeness. 

_ Exit the LORD _ .

**HARRY** : Of course she did.

**LOUIS** : Harry, love, I don’t want to deter you from doing whatever you’d like, but I think this is a  _ seriously _ bad idea. You’re going to lose.

**HARRY** : I don’t think I will, although I do have a slightly sinking feeling anyway. Oh well.

**LOUIS** : Not “oh well”, Harry—

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ Gentlemen, Louis and I will meet you all in the throne room in just a moment.

_ They nod hesitantly, standing and leaving. Exit ZAYN, NIALL and LIAM. _

**LOUIS** : Harry—

_ HARRY takes LOUIS by surprise and holds his face in his hands, kissing him sweetly. LOUIS melts into the touch, their lips clicking when the kiss breaks apart. _

**HARRY** : Louis,  _ lysende stjerne _ , I want to do this, even if something is telling me not too—

**LOUIS** : Listen to it! Please… don’t do this. I fear it will end badly.

**HARRY** : That feeling is simply superstition. And besides, everything will work out as it is destined to. I can’t escape fate, I can’t escape God’s plan. Let it be, love.

**LOUIS** :  _ [upset]  _ If your fate is to die, as is everyone's, why rush? Why jump into it the moment the chance is presented?

**HARRY** : I’m not doing this to die. I’m doing this to… to prove I’m not ill, that I won’t back down from a challenge—

**LOUIS** :  _ [yelling, exasperated]  _ But you don’t have to! No one is asking you to—

**HARRY** :  _ [yelling]  _ I can do—

**LOUIS** :  _ [breaking]  _ I don’t want to lose you!

_ Silence. Quiet tears drip down LOUIS’ face, his fingers trembling at his side. He doesn’t make eye contact with HARRY, instead staring at the floor. HARRY frowns, taking one of LOUIS’ hands and holding it to his chest, the other wiping the tears beneath his eyes. _

**HARRY** : You’ll never lose me. Not ever. No matter what.

**LOUIS** :  _ [sniffling]  _ I will if you  _ die _ .

**HARRY** : Not even then. _[smiling sadly]_ Even in death I’ll always be with you. In your heart, where it matters most.  
_LOUIS furrows his eyebrows, still not looking at HARRY, who continues wiping the tears from his eyes._ _  
_ I’m going to be okay, Louis. 

_ Exeunt. _

_. . .  _

ACT V. SCENE III.   
_ A room of state in the castle.  _ _  
_ _ The KING, QUEEN, LAERTES, SIMON COWELL, ZAYN, NIALL, and LIAM along with other attendants who bring trumpets, drums, fencing swords, a table, and pitchers of wine. _ [[alternate ending]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386473/chapters/73461510#workskin)

_ Enter HARRY and LOUIS. LIAM runs up to meet the two, speaking low. _

**LIAM** : Harry, they’re allowing Laertes to pick his weapon first. 

**LOUIS** : What!? But Harry is of higher rank!

**HARRY** : No worries. It’s probably to make him feel superior.

**LOUIS** : But that’s not  _ good _ —

**QUEEN** : Harry! Darling, how are you?

**HARRY** : Fine—

**KING** : Come shake hands with Laertes, Harry. 

_ The KING places LAERTES’ and HARRY’s hands together. _

**HARRY** : Ah. Laertes. Please accept my apology when I say my events earlier this evening were… unacceptable.  _ [lying]  _ I don’t know what came over me.

**LAERTES** :  _ [lying, smiling]  _ I accept, even though what you’ve done should drive me to seek revenge, although when it comes to honor, I cannot accept so quickly. Let us duel.

**HARRY** : Certainly. Let us choose our sword.

_ EVERYONE stands in a line away from the two men, who pick their swords from the carriages. LAERTES picks first, a sword that has a blue jewel embezzled in the handle with intricate designs up the actual sword. HARRY picks a simple sword. _

**LIAM** :  _ [aside]  _ What’s up with the fancy sword?

**NIALL** : Laertes has to compensate.

**LIAM** : For what?

**NIALL** : I’ll tell you when you’re older.

**LIAM** : I’m 27–

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling, friendly]  _ I’m going to make you look sharp, Laertes. I’m not the best at this game, as you might already know.

**LAERTES** : You’re making fun of me.

**HARRY** : N—

**KING** :  _ [cutting in]  _ Harry, you know the bet?

**HARRY** : Yes, you’ve bet on the weaker fencer.

**KING** : I’m not worried. I simply hope this duel will drown your hatred against one another.  
_EVERYONE stares at the KING._ _  
_ Too soon?

**QUEEN** :  _ [unamused]  _ We buried Ophelia mere hours ago.

**KING** : Right. Anyway… 

_ HARRY and LAERTES get ready to fence. HARRY catches LOUIS’ worried eyes, giving him a wink. LOUIS blushes.  _

**NIALL** : Damn, if we had more time, we could have made some signs rooting for Harry.

**LIAM** : Oo, that would have been a lovely idea.

**ZAYN** : You two are ridiculous.

**LOUIS** : Agreed.

**NIALL** : We could have made a shirt for Louis.

**LOUIS** : I would 100% wear that.

**KING** :  _ [to attendants]  _ Put some goblets of wine on that table over there. If Harry makes the first or second hit, I’ll drink to his good health. In Harry’s goblet I’ll put a rare pearl more costly than Gertrude’s pair of shoes from France.

**QUEEN** : Oo, those  _ were _ very expensive.

**NIALL** :  _ [to himself]  _ They can buy fancy shoes and expensive pearls but not feed their starving people, yeah, okay, makes sense.

**KING** : Come on, let’s begin! 

_ Trumpets play, LIAM covering his ears from the volume. HARRY and LAERTES begin to fence, LAERTES seemingly fine as HARRY’s veins in his neck and arms strain. LAERTES towers over him, HARRY holding his sword up in the air against LAERTES’ before doing a quick spin and jabbing him in the waist. _

**HARRY** : That was a hit.

**LAERTES** : Not so!

**HARRY** : Referee?

**LOUIS** :  _ [annoyed]  _ It was  _ obviously  _ a hit.

**ZAYN** : Laertes is being a poor sport.

**SIMON** : It was a hit, indeed.

**LAERTES** : Fine. Let’s continue.

**KING** : _[to an attendant]_ Give me a goblet—Harry, this pearl’s yours. Here’s to your health.  
_He drops a pearl into the goblet_.  
Give him the goblet.

**HARRY** : I’ll finish this round first. Set it down for a moment, let’s play.

_ HARRY rolls the sword in his hand, holding it in a tight grip. LAERTES charges forward, missing completely as HARRY hits him once more. _

**LOUIS, NIALL, ZAYN & LIAM** : Yes!

**LAERTES** :  _ [shrugging]  _ You’ve got me.

**KING** :  _ [irritated, to himself]  _ My son will win… 

**QUEEN** : _[exasperated]_ Look at the poor boy, he’s out of breath!   
_She pulls out her handkerchief._ _  
_ Wipe your forehead off, dear. I’ll drink to your good luck and happiness, Harry.

_ She lifts the cup with the pearl. HARRY wipes his forehead with the handkerchief, shoving it into his pocket afterwards. _

**HARRY** : Thanks, mother.

**KING** :  _ [squeaky voice]  _ Gertrude, don’t drink that.

**QUEEN** : Um, excuse me Claudius, I’ll drink it if I’d like.  
_She takes several sips of wine._  
Ooh, it’s kinda tangy.

**LIAM** : Let me try!

_ LIAM takes the drink, but the QUEEN snatches it back. _

**QUEEN** : Go get your own.

_ LIAM frowns, then smiles when ZAYN offers him a fresh cup. _

**KING** :  _ [rubbing his temples, to himself]  _ That was the poisoned drink. It’s too late.

**HARRY** : I’d better not drink now, I’ll have some later.

**QUEEN** :  _ [smiling]  _ If you insist.

**LAERTES** :  _ [to the KING, aside]  _ I’ll get him now.

**KING** : I doubt it.

**LAERTES** :  _ [to himself]  _ But I almost feel guilty…

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ C’mon, Lae! You’re playing around. Stop treating me like a child and play like a man.

_ HARRY and LAERTES start fencing once more, LAERTES becoming more skillful in his swipes. HARRY side steps, LAERTES already one step ahead of him. Their swords clang together loud and quick. _

**SIMON** : They’re neck and neck.

**NIALL** :  _ [to SIMON]  _ You’re still here?

**LOUIS** : C’mon, Harry!

**LAERTES** : Take this!

_ HARRY attempts to jump back from LAERTES, but LAERTES wounds him. HARRY grips his stomach, eyes wide. LOUIS gasps, attempting to run out to HARRY but ZAYN holds him back. _

**HARRY** : That was more than a hit, my lord.

_ In a scuffle, they end up with each other’s swords, and HARRY wounds LAERTES. _

**KING** :  _ [sweating]  _ Separate them, they’re overdoing it. 

**HARRY** :  _ [out of breath, clutching his stomach]  _ No, it’s fine, let’s finish.

_ The QUEEN collapses. LIAM bends down to her side immediately. HARRY goes to see his mother, but he falls to his knees in pain. _

**LIAM** : The Queen!

**LOUIS** :  _ [panicked]  _ Harry’s bleeding too much—

**SIMON** : How do you feel, Laertes?

**LAERTES** :  _ [smiling sadly]  _ Like a mouse caught in it’s own trap. I’ve been killed by my own evil tricks.

_ LAERTES collapses. LOUIS pushes himself out of ZAYN’s arms, rushing to HARRY’s side. _

**HARRY** :  _ [worried]  _ How’s my mother?

**LOUIS** : How are  _ you _ ?

**KING** :  _ [scratching the back of his neck]  _ She’s collapsed from the sight of the blood?

**QUEEN** : No, the drink, it’s the drink! Oh, my dear Harry! I’ve been poisoned! 

_ She shuts her eyes, and dies. _

**HARRY** : _[emotional]_ No! No! Lock the doors!  
_Exit SIMON COWELL, who locks the doors on his way out._ _  
_ We’ve been betrayed! 

_ LIAM holds the limp hand of the QUEEN in his hands, frightened. _

**LIAM** : Who’d commit such a heinous crime?!

**LAERTES** :  _ [raspy]  _ It was I, Harry. And you’re next. That sword you hold in your hand? It’s been dipped in the most wicked poison money can buy. There is no medicine that will save you now. The foul plan backfired… here I lie, and will never speak again. Your mother was poisoned, and the king is to blame.

_ LAERTES lies on the ground,wheezing. LOUIS looks back and forth between HARRY and the KING, eyes watering. EVERYONE else stares at the KING, livid. _

**KING** : Well… this is awkward.

_ In a fit of rage, HARRY rises and uses the rest of his physical strength to wound the KING, who groans from the impact. HARRY drops the sword, stumbling back. _

**NIALL** : Oh, shit. No hesitation there.

**KING** : Protect me, friends! I have only been wounded.

**ZAYN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Literally none of us are your friends.

**HARRY** :  _ [seething]  _ Here, you goddamn incest-breeding Danish murderer, drink this! Is your little pearl in there? Say hi to Cain for me.

_ HARRY grips the KING’s chin, forcing his mouth open and pours the drink into his mouth. With the combination of both poisons, the KING dies almost immediately. _

**LAERTES** :  _ [choking]  _ He got what he deserved. Please forgive me as I forgive you, Harry. 

_ LAERTES dies. HARRY falls back on his knees, sweat dripping from his forehead, blood pooling in the middle of his shirt. LOUIS lets out a singular sob, holding HARRY as he lays back into LOUIS’ lap. He looks up at him, eyes clouded over. ZAYN, LIAM and NIALL watch, eyes watering. _

**HARRY** : Louis—

**LOUIS** :  _ [trembling]  _ Don’t say anything, don’t speak. 

_ LOUIS caresses HARRY’s cheek, simultaneously wiping his own tears from his face. _

**HARRY** : I’m dying, Lou. You’re alive and well—all I could ask for. Will you tell my story? Will you set the story straight?

**LOUIS** :  _ [crying]  _ Yes, yes.

**HARRY** : I love you, Louis.

**LOUIS** :  _ [panicking]  _ S-Some of that liquor’s still left in that goblet—

_ He picks up the poisoned cup to drink. _

**ZAYN** :  _ [crying]  _ Louis, no!

_ HARRY takes the goblet from LOUIS’ hands weakly, pouring the rest of the drink onto the floor beside them, weak. _

**HARRY** : Don’t, Lou. The world isn’t ready to see you go just yet.  
_LOUIS can’t find the words, instead holds HARRY tighter in his arms, sobbing into his neck._ _  
_ I love you, so so much. Love, love, love you.

**LOUIS** :  _ [fully crying]  _ I love you.

**HARRY** :  _ [crying]  _ You’re my shining star, Lou. You’re my Arcturus. My everything. 

_ LOUIS drags his fingertips down HARRY’s face, lips quivering. _

**LOUIS** : I don’t know how to live without you.

HARRY: But you won’t be without me.  
_HARRY brings a shaky hand to LOUIS’ chest, laying his hand flat._ _  
_ I’m right there, always. No matter what.

**LOUIS** : No m-matter what. 

**HARRY** : _[struggling]_ I don’t have much t-time left… but I thought you should know…  
_LOUIS moves his face from HARRY’s neck, wiping his eyes and looking at HARRY’s lovely face._ _  
_ I would have married you.

**LOUIS** :  _ [startled, confused] _ W-What?

**HARRY** : I would have married you a hundred times over.

**LOUIS** : You said-you said you don’t believe in that kind of thing.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling, shaking]  _ But I get it now. And… I’m sorry I never asked.

_ LOUIS goes to speak, but then looks up at his friends. An idea pops into his mind. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [sniffing]  _ Let’s, let’s get married. Right now.

**HARRY** :  _ [weakly]  _ What?

_ LOUIS grips HARRY’s hand, the other on top of HARRY’s cheek. _

**LOUIS** : A self-uniting wedding. Zayn, Liam, and Niall _[gesturing to them, hopeful]_ will be witnesses.   
_He feels the need to rush things, afraid of time running out. With a shaky breath, he grasps both of HARRY’s hands in his own._ _  
_ Will you marry me?

**HARRY** :  _ [shocked, tired]  _ Yes, a-absolutely. 

_ Without another word, LOUIS lays HARRY down fully onto the floor. He kneels beside HARRY’s head, petting his hair out of his eyes. ZAYN, NIALL and LIAM kneel on the other side of HARRY, silently crying. LOUIS pulls a ring with a silver rose on it from HARRY’s limp hand, putting it in HARRY’s palm, closing his fist.  _

**LOUIS** :  _ [crying]  _ I, Louis Tomlinson, take thee, Harry Styles, to be my husband.

_ HARRY opens his hand, LOUIS smoothing the back of his hand into HARRY’s placing the ring on his left ring finger. HARRY’s eyes are barely open. _

**HARRY** :  _ [weak, slow]  _ I, Harry Styles, take thee, Louis Tomlinson, to be my husband.

_ LOUIS leans over, hands holding HARRY’s face, kissing him, tasting tears on his tongue. With a labored breath, LOUIS leans back up, positioning himself so that HARRY’s side of his head rests in LOUIS’ lap. ZAYN grips LIAM’s hand, who’s crying into NIALL’s shoulder. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [whispering]  _ I love you with everything I have.

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling, whispering]  _ I love you too, my  _ lysende stjerne _ . Even… even when I’m… gone, I’ll always… be with you. Like I said.

_ LOUIS hands shake over HARRY’s relaxing face, eyes darting over his body in panic. _

**LOUIS** : I’m with you now, and you’re not alone, baby, not even close.

**ZAYN** :  _ [silent tears]  _ We love you, Harry.

**NIALL** : So, so much.

**LIAM** :  _ [crying]  _ You’ll be a part of our lives forever.

_ HARRY darts his eyes between his friends and to LOUIS, who he stares at with all the love and adoration he can muster. _

**HARRY** :  _ [barely audible]  _ See you soon, Louis. I’ll be waiting for you.

_ HARRY flutters his eyes closed. After a final deep inhale, he exhales slowly. He dies.  _

**LOUIS** : _[panicked]_ Harry? Harry, wait, no, Harry—  
_He whines high in his throat, hands gliding across HARRY’s body, fists clutching the material of his shirt. He lets out a gut-wrenching sob, biting his lip._ _  
_ Love, please, not yet, I’m not ready—I can’t do this alone! I can’t, I can’t—  
_He cups HARRY’s face, kissing his cheeks, his eyes, tears staining his skin._ _  
_ No matter what, I’ll always love you, I’ll never stop loving you, please, wake up, don’t let this be some cruel joke.

**ZAYN** :  _ [sad]  _ Louis—

**LOUIS** :  _ [blubbering]  _ I can’t do this without him—He’s all I have—

_ LIAM grasps LOUIS’ trembling hand, quivering a smile. _

**LIAM** :  _ [crying]  _ We’re here, we’ve got you.

_ LOUIS finally looks back up at his friends, tears gushing down his face, eyes red. He hugs himself, afraid to look back down, afraid to stand in case he collapses from the pure agony in his heart. _

**LOUIS** : This hurts so b-badly.

_ NIALL rises from his position, walking over to LOUIS and offering him a hand. LOUIS hesitates, holding HARRY's head and placing it onto the ground carefully before accepting NIALL's and stands to his unstable feet, immediately allowing NIALL to engulf him in a strong hug. _

**NIALL** :  _ [soothing]  _ I know, I know. We loved him too, Lou.

**LOUIS** : I’m going to miss him so much, Niall.

_ ZAYN and LIAM join in on the hug, LOUIS finding comfort in their warmth. He lets out a shaky sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears fall down his blotched cheeks. They stay that way for quite some time, mourning their friend together. There’s no time to say much else, because a military march is heard outside the door, along with cannon fires from outside. The group pulls apart, LOUIS wiping stray tears from his face. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [sniffling]  _ What is that?

_ Enter SIMON COWELL, unfazed by the mass of corpses that litter the ground. _

**SIMON** : Fortinbas has returned triumphantly from Poland. He fires guns to greet the English ambassadors.

**NIALL** : Literally get the fuck out of here, Simon.

_ SIMON COWELL dips in a polite bow before exiting. LOUIS kneels back down beside HARRY, holding his hand in his own. Enter FORTINBRAS, the English AMBASSADOR, a drummer and attendants. They gasp at the sight before them. _

**FORTINBRAS** : Holy  _ shit _ , what happened here?!

**LOUIS** :  _ [struggling]  _ If it’s a tragedy you were looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

_ FORTINBRAS frowns, kneeling down beside LOUIS, a hand on his shoulder. He looks down at HARRY, recognizing him, then looks back up at LOUIS.  _

**FORTINBRAS** :  _ [gentle, polite]  _ What is your name, sir?

**LOUIS** :  _ [choked]  _ Louis, sir.

**FORTINBRAS** : Who was this man to you?

**LOUIS** : My husband, though only for a moment. A moment I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

**FORTINBRAS** : I am… so sorry for your loss. Prince Harry was a wonderful man, I only knew him for a short time, but he had an effect on people that would make a lasting impression.

**LOUIS** :  _ [sniffling] _ Thank you.

**LIAM** :  _ [hesitant]  _ Um, sorry to… interrupt, but what brings you all here, if I may ask?

**AMBASSADOR** : I feel… a bit silly having to relay this information now, but… we meant to tell the king that his orders to have those by the name of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern executed have been followed through. I wonder who will thank us now?

_ LOUIS stands, collecting himself enough to get out what he needs to say. _

**LOUIS** : The king never ordered their deaths, but that’s a long story, a story I’ve promised to tell in due time. You’ll hear of violent acts, terrible accidents, casual murders, deaths caused by trickery and by threat, and finally murderous plans that backfired completely… all of it I’ll explain, I promise. But… since you’ve come all this way, may I ask a favor?

**FORTINBRAS** : Of course.

**LOUIS** : I ask that you give your men orders to have… these bodies displayed on a high platform, to respect and honor them.

**NIALL** :  _ [points at the KING]  _ Well, except that guy.

**ZAYN** : Yeah, maybe not him.

**FORTINBRAS** : Absolutely, Louis. And I’d like to hear about this story as soon as possible, whenever you’re ready to share. I’ll have the noblemen listen as well.

**LOUIS** : Thank you.

**LIAM** : So… who’ll ascend to the throne now? Now that… you know.

**FORTINBRAS** : Technically, I  _ do _ have rights to claim the throne, but that can wait.

**LOUIS** : Harry— __  
_The word burns his tongue, cracks his heart when they leave his lips. He squeezes his eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath before continuing._ __  
Harry spoke of you in high regard, sir. He told me some time ago he respected you greatly.

**FORTINBRAS** : That’s very kind of him to do.

**ZAYN** : We should get down to business as soon as possible, to avoid any more mishaps.

**FORTINBRAS** : I agree, sir. Let four captains carry Harry from this scene… he would have been a wonderful king, if only fate weren’t so cruel. We shall speak of his heroic qualities for years to come, along with military music and rites.  _ [to his attendants]  _ Please, go pick up these corpses. A sight like this resembles a battlefield, and the deaths shall be honored as such. Go outside and tell the soldiers to fire their guns in honor of Harry.

_ They exit marching, carrying the bodies. LOUIS runs to HARRY for the last time, placing his hand on HARRY’s cheek. He manages a small smile, tears welling in his eyes, voice cracked. _

**LOUIS** : No matter what, my sweet prince.

_ Outside, cannons fire. _

_ Final exeunt. _


	2. alternate ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an alternate ending (a happy one!) with an added epilogue. this starts right after act V scene II.

ACT V. SCENE III.   
_ A room of state in the castle.  _ _   
_ _ The KING, QUEEN, LAERTES, SIMON COWELL, ZAYN, NIALL, and LIAM along with other attendants who bring trumpets, drums, fencing swords, a table, and pitchers of wine. _

_ Enter HARRY and LOUIS. LIAM runs up to meet the two, speaking low. _

**LIAM** : Harry, they’re allowing Laertes to pick his weapon first. 

**LOUIS** : What!? But Harry is of higher rank!

**HARRY** : No worries. It’s probably to make him feel superior.

**LOUIS** : But that’s not  _ good _ —

**QUEEN** : Harry! Darling, how are you?

**HARRY** : Fine—

**KING** : Come shake hands with Laertes, Harry. 

_ The KING places LAERTES’ and HARRY’s hands together. _

**HARRY** : Ah. Laertes. Please accept my apology when I say my events earlier this evening were… unacceptable.  _ [lying]  _ I don’t know what came over me.

**LAERTES** :  _ [lying, smiling]  _ I accept, even though what you’ve done should drive me to seek revenge, although when it comes to honor, I cannot accept so quickly. Let us duel.

**HARRY** : Certainly. Let us choose our sword.

_ EVERYONE stands in a line away from the two men, who pick their swords from the carriages. LAERTES picks first, a sword that has a blue jewel embezzled in the handle with intricate designs up the actual sword. HARRY picks a simple sword. _

**LIAM** :  _ [aside]  _ What’s up with the fancy sword?

**NIALL** : Laertes has to compensate.

**LIAM** : For what?

**NIALL** : I’ll tell you when you’re older.

**LIAM** : I’m 27–

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling, friendly]  _ I’m going to make you look sharp, Laertes. I’m not the best at this game, as you might already know.

**LAERTES** : You’re making fun of me.

**HARRY** : N—

**KING** :  _ [cutting in]  _ Harry, you know the bet?

**HARRY** : Yes, you’ve bet on the weaker fencer.

**KING** : I’m not worried. I simply hope this duel will drown your hatred against one another.   
_ EVERYONE stares at the KING. _ _   
_ __ Too soon?

**QUEEN** :  _ [unamused]  _ We buried Ophelia mere hours ago.

**KING** : Right. Anyway… 

_ HARRY and LAERTES get ready to fence. HARRY catches LOUIS’ worried eyes, giving him a wink. LOUIS blushes.  _

**NIALL** : Damn, if we had more time, we could have made some signs rooting for Harry.

**LIAM** : Oo, that would have been a lovely idea.

**ZAYN** : You two are ridiculous.

**LOUIS** : Agreed.

**NIALL** : We could have made a shirt for Louis.

**LOUIS** : I would 100% wear that.

**KING** :  _ [to attendants]  _ Put some goblets of wine on that table over there. If Harry makes the first or second hit, I’ll drink to his good health. In Harry’s goblet I’ll put a rare pearl more costly than Gertrude’s pair of shoes from France.

**QUEEN** : Oo, those  _ were _ very expensive.

**NIALL** :  _ [to himself]  _ They can buy fancy shoes and expensive pearls but not feed their starving people, yeah, okay, makes sense.

**KING** : Come on, let’s begin! 

_ Trumpets play, LIAM covering his ears from the volume. HARRY and LAERTES begin to fence, LAERTES seemingly fine as HARRY’s veins in his neck and arms strain. LAERTES towers over him, HARRY holding his sword up in the air against LAERTES’ before doing a quick spin and jabbing him in the waist. _

**HARRY** : That was a hit.

**LAERTES** : Not so!

**HARRY** : Referee?

**LOUIS** :  _ [annoyed]  _ It was  _ obviously  _ a hit.

**ZAYN** : Laertes is being a poor sport.

**SIMON** : It was a hit, indeed.

**LAERTES** : Fine. Let’s continue.

**KING** :  _ [to an attendant]  _ Give me a goblet—Harry, this pearl’s yours. Here’s to your health.   
_ He drops a pearl into the goblet _ .   
Give him the goblet.

**HARRY** : I’ll finish this round first. Set it down for a moment, let’s play.

_ HARRY rolls the sword in his hand, holding it in a tight grip. LAERTES charges forward, missing completely as HARRY hits him once more. _

**LOUIS, NIALL, ZAYN & LIAM** : Yes!

**LAERTES** :  _ [shrugging, smirking]  _ You’ve got me.

**KING** :  _ [irritated, to himself]  _ My son will win… 

**QUEEN** :  _ [exasperated]  _ Look at the poor boy, he’s out of breath!    
_ She pulls out her handkerchief. _ _   
_ __ Wipe your forehead off, dear. I’ll drink to your good luck and happiness, Harry.

_ She lifts the cup with the pearl. HARRY wipes his forehead with the handkerchief, shoving it into his pocket afterwards. _

**HARRY** : Thanks, mother.

**KING** :  _ [squeaky voice]  _ Gertrude, don’t drink that.

**QUEEN** : Um, excuse me Claudius, I’ll drink it if I’d like.   
_ She takes several sips of wine. _   
Ooh, it’s kinda tangy.

**LIAM** : Let me try!

_ LIAM takes the drink, but the QUEEN snatches it back. _

**QUEEN** : Go get your own.

_ LIAM frowns, then smiles when ZAYN offers him a fresh cup. _

**KING** :  _ [rubbing his temples, to himself]  _ That was the poisoned drink. It’s too late.

**HARRY** : I’d better not drink now, I’ll have some later.

**QUEEN** :  _ [smiling]  _ If you insist.

**LAERTES** :  _ [to the KING, aside]  _ I’ll get him now.

**KING** : I doubt it.

**LAERTES** :  _ [to himself]  _ But I almost feel guilty…

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling]  _ C’mon, Lae! You’re playing around. Stop treating me like a child and play like a man.

_ HARRY and LAERTES start fencing once more, LAERTES becoming more skillful in his swipes. HARRY side steps, LAERTES already one step ahead of him. Their swords clang together loud and quick. _

**SIMON** : They’re neck and neck.

**NIALL** :  _ [to SIMON]  _ You’re still here?

**LOUIS** : C’mon, Harry!

**LAERTES** : Take this!

_ HARRY jumps back from LAERTES, dodging his sword. He trips backwards, LAERTES landing on top of him and throwing a fist to his jaw. LOUIS gasps, tugging out of ZAYN’s arms but ZAYN keeps him there. _

**HARRY** :  _ [annoyed]  _ That was more than a hit, my lord.

_ In a scuffle, they end up with each other’s swords, and HARRY wounds LAERTES. _

**KING** :  _ [sweating]  _ Separate them, they’re overdoing it. 

**HARRY** :  _ [out of breath, determined]  _ No, it’s fine, let’s finish.

**LOUIS** : Harry, you’re hurt!

_ HARRY looks at LOUIS, a cheeky grin on his face as he spits blood aside. _

**HARRY** : Nothing that a bag of ice can’t fix, my love.

_ The QUEEN collapses. LIAM bends down to her side immediately. HARRY goes to see his mother, coddling his jaw.  _

**LIAM** : The Queen!

**SIMON** : How do you feel, Laertes?

**LAERTES** :  _ [smiling sadly]  _ Like a mouse caught in it’s own trap. I’ve been killed by my own evil tricks.

_ LAERTES collapses. LOUIS pushes himself out of ZAYN’s arms, rushing to HARRY’s side. _

**HARRY** :  _ [worried]  _ How’s my mother?

**LIAM** :  _ [frowning]  _ She’s… it’s not good, Harry.

**KING** :  _ [scratching the back of his neck]  _ She’s collapsed from the sight of the blood?

**QUEEN** : No, the drink, it’s the drink! Oh, my dear Harry! I’ve been poisoned! 

_ She shuts her eyes, and dies. _

**HARRY** :  _ [emotional]  _ No!  _ No! _ Lock the doors!   
_ Exit SIMON COWELL, who locks the doors on his way out. _ _   
_ __ We’ve been betrayed! 

_ LIAM holds the limp hand of the QUEEN in his hands, frightened, eyes wide as he scans the room. _

**LIAM** : Who’d commit such a heinous crime?!

**LAERTES** :  _ [raspy]  _ It was I, Harry. And you were to be next. That sword you hold in your hands? It was intended for you, to die for your actions. It’s dipped in a heinous poison that no medicine in the world can cure. The foul plan backfired… here I lie, and will never speak again. Your mother was poisoned, and the king is to blame for all of it.

_ LAERTES lies on the ground, wheezing. EVERYONE stares at the KING, livid. _

**KING** : Well… this is awkward.

_ In a fit of rage, HARRY rises, his vision red as he wounds the KING, who groans from the impact. HARRY drops the sword, stumbling back. _

**NIALL** : Oh, shit. No hesitation there.

**KING** : Protect me, friends! I have only been wounded.

**ZAYN** :  _ [deadpan]  _ Literally none of us are your friends.

**HARRY** :  _ [seething]  _ Here, you goddamn incest-breeding Danish murderer, drink this! Is your little pearl in there? Say hi to Cain for me.

_ HARRY grips the KING’s chin, forcing his mouth open and pours the drink into his mouth. With the combination of both poisons, the KING dies almost immediately. _

**LAERTES** :  _ [choking]  _ He got what he deserved. Please forgive me as I forgive you, Harry. 

_ LAERTES dies. HARRY falls back on his knees, sweat dripping from his forehead, exhausted. The sword lays beside him, the poison long gone from its blade. Tears pile in his eyes as he stares at his mother. _

**HARRY** :  _ [silent tears]  _ She was never meant to die.

_ LOUIS kneels down beside him, a hand on his shoulder as they sit over the QUEEN’s body. HARRY turns and buries his face in LOUIS’ chest, who soothes his cries. _

**LIAM** : There’s always a price to pay when making an act of justice.

**NIALL** : Since when did you become so wise?

**LIAM** : My time in solitary has given me knowledge.

**ZAYN** : You’re so full of shit. 

_ As the three bicker, LOUIS tucks some loose strands out of HARRY’s eyes. _

**HARRY** : I’m sorry.

**LOUIS** : For what?

**HARRY** : I acted foolishly. Getting my revenge consumed me, clouding my judgement. I didn’t put you first.

**LOUIS** : You didn’t put  _ yourself _ first, is the problem. I nearly lost you.

**HARRY** :  _ [frowning]  _ I know. And I’m sorry. You mean more to me than anything, I realize that now. I let the ghost of my father gnaw on my every thought and action, but no more. I’m done.

**LOUIS** : So we can rest then? No more ghosts and plotting murder?

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling sadly]  _ We’re done.

_ LOUIS goes to kiss HARRY, placing his hand against HARRY’s tender cheek. HARRY winces. _

**LOUIS** : Ah, sorry, H. We should get you looked at by the healer.

**HARRY** :  _ [shrugging]  _ No harm done.  _ [winks]  _ Kinda liked it.

_ LOUIS gasps, laughing until ZAYN clears his throat. When LOUIS and HARRY look up from their position on the floor, ZAYN, LIAM and NIALL are staring at them, bored. _

**LOUIS** : Ah, right.

**ZAYN** : Have you two suddenly forgotten we’re sitting in the middle of a bloodbath?

**NIALL** : Kiss and make up later, Jesus.

**LOUIS** : Says the ones who started bickering amongst themselves.

**LIAM** : Touché. 

**HARRY** : You’re right.  _ [looks around]  _ Where have the other attendants gone?

**NIALL** : They scattered with tails between their legs when you stabbed the King.

**LIAM** :  _ [under his breath]  _ As he deserved.

**HARRY** : We need to get this cleaned up. Zayn, could you fetch some attendants to help?

**ZAYN** : Of course.

_ ZAYN moves to exit. HARRY stands, holding his hand out to help LOUIS up, who blushes prettily at the gesture. Before much else can happen, a military march is heard outside the door, along with cannon fires from outside.  _

**LOUIS** :  _ [curious]  _ What is that?

**HARRY** : Sounds like some military march, but it isn’t Denmark’s.

_ Enter SIMON COWELL, unfazed by the mass of corpses that litter the ground. He falters when he sees HARRY. _

**SIMON** : Fortinbas has returned triumphantly from Poland. He fires guns to greet the English ambassadors.

**NIALL** : Literally get the fuck out of here, Simon.

_ SIMON COWELL dips in a polite bow before exiting.  _

**HARRY** : No need to be so brash, Niall.

**NIALL** : He’s a menace and I hate him.

_ Enter FORTINBRAS, the English AMBASSADOR, a drummer and attendants. They gasp at the sight before them. _

**FORTINBRAS** : Holy  _ shit _ , what happened here?!

**HARRY** : A right mess. Allow me to explain.

**FORTINBRAS** : Ah, Prince Harry. We meet again.

**LIAM** :  _ [hesitant]  _ Um, sorry to… interrupt, but what brings you all here, if I may ask?

**AMBASSADOR** : We’ve come to tell the king that his orders to have those by the name of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern executed have been followed through.

**HARRY** : Since the King is not here to accept the message, I will do so gladly. Thank you, sir. You may leave.

**AMBASSADOR** : Thanks… 

_ Exit the AMBASSADOR. FORTINBRAS scans the area, grimacing. _

**FORTINBRAS** : Care to get back to that story?

**HARRY** :  _ [exasperated]  _ Where do I begin?

_ Exeunt. _

. . . 

EPILOGUE   
_ A room in the castle.  _ _   
_ _ HARRY and LOUIS lay in bed together in HARRY’s chambers, afternoon sunrise glittering across their skin. A few weeks have passed since the incident. _

**LOUIS** : Thank Heaven the trial is over. Can finally take a real breath of air.

**HARRY** : Agreed.

**LOUIS** : God was truly on our sides. You’re lucky, prince. 

**HARRY** : I know. I’m lucky to have had you at my side through it all.

**LOUIS** :  _ [cocky]  _ True right. You’d been a mess if it weren’t for me.

**HARRY** :  _ [laughs]  _ Don’t give yourself  _ that _ much credit. I’m sound of mind.

_ LOUIS brings HARRY’s face to his, eyes flickering over his features, a wide smile on his face.  _

**LOUIS** : I love you.

**HARRY** :  _ [fond]  _ And I you, my  _ lysende stjerne _ . 

_ They share a tender kiss, HARRY rolling over to lay over LOUIS. LOUIS’ hands drag down HARRY’s bare back, tender and soft in their touch. They rest at the base of his spine. _

**LOUIS** : Are our plans with the boys still in place?

**HARRY** : Yes… unless you’ve made other plans unbeknownst to me?

**LOUIS** :  _ [smirks]  _ Only if you’re up for them?

**HARRY** : Have I never not been?

**LOUIS** :  _ [sultry]  _ Mm, I suppose not.

_ HARRY presses his lips down to LOUIS’, humming in delight as LOUIS tugs on his hair. HARRY halts their movements, breaking the kiss. _

**HARRY** : Wait. May I give you something?

**LOUIS** :  _ [suggestive]  _ I thought you were about to.

_ LOUIS pushes HARRY’s hips down, rolling his own hips upwards. HARRY groans out a chuckle. _

**HARRY** : We’ll get back to that, I promise, just…

_ HARRY pecks LOUIS’ cheek before rising to rest on his elbow, playing with the rings on his fingers. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [worried]  _ Go on…

**HARRY** : Now that I am to be King, I’ll need someone to help guide me through the unpleasantries of royal duties and such.

_ HARRY pulls a silver ring from his finger, one that’s adorned with a large rose. LOUIS darts his eyes from HARRY’s face to the ring, which is now placed in the palm of his hand. _

**LOUIS** : I… 

**HARRY** : Nearly dying has given me a new outlook on life, one that I didn’t possess before. But you’ve made me realize something, Louis. You’re everything to me. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t wake up every morning and see your face. It’s a life I don’t want.

**LOUIS** :  _ [stunned]  _ But you don’t…

_ HARRY takes the ring between his forefinger and thumb, slipping it onto LOUIS’ shaking ring finger. _

**HARRY** : I know what I’ve said before, but… I need you. I want you. More than I’ll ever be able to express.

**LOUIS** :  _ [emotional, rambling]  _ But you’ll be expected to have heirs, that’s your duty—

**HARRY** : If I can’t marry you then I’ll abdicate the throne. Simple as that.

**LOUIS** :  _ [eyes wide]  _ What?! Harry,  _ no _ —

_ HARRY shushes him with a kiss, hand resting on LOUIS’ cheek, who hums into the kiss. They break apart, HARRY caressing LOUIS’ face. _

**HARRY** : I would rather be your husband than anything else. You’re the most important thing in my life.

**LOUIS** : I won’t be the reason you… you give up your  _ birthright _ . I wouldn’t be able to ever be truly comfortable knowing that it’s because of me you never got to fulfill your destiny.

**HARRY** : Then what is it you think we should do?

**LOUIS** : I want to marry you, Harry. I always have. There’s no doubt in that. But… I don’t want you to sacrifice your duty because of me. We can make it work.

**HARRY** : I refuse to have a wife and have you seen as a “lover” of mine. I don’t want to have children with someone I don’t love.

**LOUIS** :  _ [falters, quiet]  _ I’d be okay with it.

**HARRY** : You don’t really believe that. I know you don’t. It would be another Ophelia situation.

**LOUIS** :  _ [frowning]  _ But… you’d be happy, being King—

**HARRY** : Do you not understand, Lou? I don’t care about being King, I never have been. I only care about being with  _ you _ . 

_ They’re silent for a moment, LOUIS’ eyes closed with his head resting in HARRY’s palm. HARRY sighs, a finger brushing against LOUIS’ cheekbone. Suddenly, LOUIS’ eyes open, gasping. _

**LOUIS** : There might be another way. 

**HARRY** : What do you mean?

**LOUIS** : Your sister’s son, Aksel. Is he not in line for the throne?

**HARRY** :  _ [realizing]  _ He is… he’s the second in line, after me.

_ LOUIS sits up on his knees, HARRY joining him, their hands clasped.  _

**LOUIS** : If we can convince the council to—

**HARRY** :  _ [excited]  _ Better yet, when I’m crowned King, I can name Aksel as my heir. Then I’d be able to marry whom I please without worrying about having my own heirs. 

**LOUIS** :  _ [dazed]  _ We can have both. 

_ HARRY nods, lips parted as he stares at LOUIS’ lips, eyes watering. _

**HARRY** : We can have both.

_ HARRY pulls LOUIS into his embrace, sucking kisses to his red-bitten lips. They fall to their sides, LOUIS laughing lightly as HARRY kisses down the front of his throat, sucking on the taut skin of his collarbones. _

**LOUIS** :  _ [giddy]  _ We’re getting married.

**HARRY** :  _ [mumbling]  _ We’ll have to wait after the coronation, and I’ll need to write to my sister about getting Aksel a proper tutor—

**LOUIS** : Hush about all of that, let your fiancé celebrate.

**HARRY** :  _ [in awe]  _ Fiancé. My fiancé.

**LOUIS** :  _ [cheeky]  _ That I am. Come kiss your fiancé, sweet prince. 

_ HARRY obliges without hesitation, both hands holding LOUIS’ face as he presses a long, sweet kiss to his lips. Their noses glide against each other’s cheeks, mouths parting, lips barely touching. Their eyes are still closed. _

**HARRY** : To forever,  _ min elskede _ .

**LOUIS** : No matter what?

**HARRY** :  _ [smiling wide]  _ No matter what. 

_ Final exeunt. _

**Author's Note:**

> REACH ME AT:  
> twitter: [dehydratedpool](https://twitter.com/dehydratedpool) (updates on my fics, behind the scenes, etc.) & [TONGUETIED91](https://twitter.com/TONGUETIED91)  
> tumblr: [dehydratedpoolfics](https://dehydratedpoolfics.tumblr.com)  
> Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or comments about anything !!
> 
> \--zri


End file.
